


The Other Road

by seekergeek



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Geek!Sheppard, M/M, Mensa AU, Possessiveness, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-10
Updated: 2009-12-10
Packaged: 2017-10-04 07:53:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 45,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekergeek/pseuds/seekergeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John sat in his room, sickened. Rod was gone. In the insane desperation to close the rift as quickly as possible, he'd thrown a casual "See you on the flip side, Sheppard," in John's direction and then activated the personal shield, closed the compartment doors, jumped ship and disappeared into another universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Other Road

John sat in his room, sickened. Rod was gone. In the insane desperation to close the rift as quickly as possible, he'd thrown a casual "See you on the flip side, Sheppard," in John's direction and then activated the personal shield, closed the compartment doors, jumped ship and disappeared into another universe. John was the one left with the task of telling everyone what they had found and what had happened to Rod. The devastation on everyone's faces after he told them had been more than John could deal with at that point, so he'd fled to his room, ignoring Ronon and Teyla's cries to stop.

They came to his room and pounded on his door. He ignored them, and eventually they went away. Dr. Heightmeyer called on the radio and he ignored her too. Zelenka and Colonel Lorne came next and tried to break into his room, but John requested that Atlantis keep them out and after a while they cursed in failure and left him in peace as well.

He knew he had to come out soon, to pick up where Rod left off, to try to fill in Rod's shoes and keep the city afloat. He just needed a little more time, just a few more minutes to plaster over the yawning chasm in his chest and to mourn Rod, just a little.

An alarm went off and he heard Atlantis inform him, _the rift has reopened,_ and he pulled in a big breath and got off his bed. Bury it, and back to work. He filed Rod under all the other hurts, next to 'abandoned at seven years old' and in front of 'too blind to be a pilot'. He then grabbed his glasses and went back to work. There was a universe to be saved again now that Rod was gone.

John barreled into the labs. "What the fuck have you guys done wrong, now?"

***

Radek came charging into Dr. Weir's office, face unattractively flushed. "I am going to kill that _kurva_! Dr. Sheppard has been even more of a complete bastard since Rod went to other universe!" he shouted, waving his hands frantically.

Elizabeth sighed and rubbed her forehead as she leaned back in her chair. "Yes, I know. You're about the sixth person to come in during the last couple of days to complain." She sighed again and lowered her hand. "What has he done now?"

Radek quivered for a moment, then blew out an explosive breath. "He locked Simpson in closet, insulted everyone monitoring the rift, reinitialized the monitoring consoles so that they only respond to him and locked everyone out of lab."

Elizabeth blinked. "Why?"

Radek waved a hand wearily around. "Why does a crazy man do anything? Ever since Rod disappeared down the other end of that thing, he seems to have lost his mind. He is claiming everyone is getting in the way of him solving this problem. Kavanagh tried to convince him that Simpson isn't _that_ much of an incompetent, but he refused to listen. Thankfully Miko finally managed to get Simpson out of closet." Radek flopped into a chair. "I have assured him that I would let him check everyone's math if he was feeling that uneasy about it, but he is being idiot and ignores us except to demand delivery of coffee." He rubbed at his face in aggravation. "I do not know when was last time he slept. He is annoyingly smart, I grant you, but even he cannot fix this by himself."

"Do you think that Colonel Lorne would be able to pry him out?" Elizabeth asked hopefully.

"Is Sheppard we are talking about here. Would take nuclear explosion to get the door open if he isn't ready to come out yet," Radek replied mournfully. "He has city wrapped around his finger. Is disgusting."

"I know he's pulled a stunt like this once before and we got him to come out," Elizabeth objected.

Radek waved a finger. "No, no. _We_ did not get him out. _Rod_ got him out."

Elizabeth's face fell. "But Rod's trip to the other universe was one way only, Radek. We can't exactly call him up and ask him to come over and talk Sheppard out of lockup."

"I _know_," Radek replied grimly. "I had not realized how much Rod managed Sheppard's weirdness until he was gone. "

Both of them jumped as Sgt. Campbell came rushing through the door. "Sorry to interrupt Doctors, but Colonel Carter is calling from the Daedalus," he said apologetically.

Radek and Elizabeth rose from their seats and followed Campbell out to the gateroom. The sergeant hit a button and said, "They're here now, Colonel."

Sam Carter's voice floated out of the speaker. "Great! I've got good news for you guys!"

Elizabeth smiled wanly and said, "I could use some. What do you have?"

Rod's voice boomed out. "I'm baaaaack! And the rift is closed. You can all sit back and drink margaritas now."

Radek's eyes lit up. "Rod! How did you manage... never mind, you can tell me later. Are you okay? Could you please get crazy man out of the lab?"

Elizabeth smiled as Rod's laughter tinkled over the speakers. "I take it that Sheppard's gotten himself into a mood again?"

"_Ano_. And is making life miserable for all of us," Radek replied. "Has been hell here since you left."

"I bet he's just still pissed that I won the coin toss," Rod replied cheerfully. "Guess you better beam me down so I can soothe some feathers, Sam."

There was a flash of light and Rod appeared in the gateroom. Radek ran down to meet with him as Elizabeth said, "Thanks for bringing him back to us, Sam."

Sam laughed. "It was close. I was tempted to keep him for myself. He's a good guy to have around. Maybe if I propose marriage to him?" she said jokingly.

Elizabeth chuckled. "You know Rod's not the type to settle down, Sam. He's too busy saving the galaxy. And frankly I think he's having too much fun now that he's finally able to be the chief science officer he signed up to be instead of running the military end of things."

"Yeah I can see that. He seems a lot happier now that Lorne is there and he's gone back to being inactive reserve." Sam sighed, "But he is a really nice guy."

Elizabeth watched fondly as Rod and Radek walked off to the infirmary for Rod's physical. "Yes. Yes, he is," she replied wistfully.

***

Rod was sitting on an examining table regaling Carson, Radek and the nurses with tales of his adventure when Dr. Sheppard burst into the room, swerved around an errant chair and came up to Rod spluttering, "How'd you...? You were stuck there! And...and...you're here! How?" He ended with a pout and crossed his arms tightly, radiating frustration as his glasses slipped down his nose.

Rod smiled and waved at Sheppard. "Good to see you again too, Dr. Sheppard." Then he blinked as Sheppard vibrated back into action by spinning around on his heels and violently kicking aside the chair in his way as he stomped out. Rod turned to look blankly at Radek for a long moment and then said, "You weren't kidding were you?"

Radek crossed his arms and shook his head solemnly as Carson said, "Ach, no, he wasn't. Dr. Sheppard has been incredibly cranky since you crossed over into that alternate reality, Rod. Was his alternate as big an arse as him?"

"No, he was very laid back, actually," Rod replied absently as he looked at the abused chair. Wow, Sheppard really was being pissy. Rod couldn't recall him ever getting physically violent before.

"Sheppard? Laid back?" Carson said incredulously. "I have a hard time believing that."

"He played golf, too," Rod said looking back up at Carson with a grin. "Terrible hook, though."

"Golf?" Radek said. "Next thing you'll tell us is that he didn't go to Mensa meetings."

Rod clicked a finger at Radek and grinned. "Took the test, never joined."

"Seriously?" Carson asked, astonished. "Their Dr. Sheppard..."

"_Lieutenant Colonel_ Sheppard, actually," Rod interrupted. "He was a pilot in the United States Air Force."

Everyone blinked at Rod in disbelief. After a moment of silence, Carson finally said, "Well, it certainly must have been different over there."

***

John strode out onto the pier farthest from the central spire of Atlantis, shaking in rage. That _bastard_. He grabbed the nearest thing at hand, which turned out to be one of Rod's golf balls out of a bucket sitting on the pier. John froze for a moment, staring at it before his paralysis broke and he screamed and threw it out into the water with all his might.

He panted a time or two with release, then bent down and grabbed a double handful out of the bucket and began viciously pitching them into the sea. Anger licked along his heart like flames. Rod came back from another universe alive and well and was casually telling stories of his adventures after John had thought he'd never _see_ the guy again. Damn Canadian.

John picked up the bucket containing the rest of the golf balls and heaved the whole thing into the water with another screaming shout. God damned Canadian. He'd thought Rod was _gone_. That he'd never hear his god awful knock-knock jokes, that he'd never have to listen to him natter on about his nieces and nephews, that he'd never see him smile again. Rod had left and put this huge fucking _hole_ in John's chest that he was still having problems trying to breathe around, and now Rod was back and he was the same as fucking always and John felt like he was bleeding out.

John grabbed up the mat that Rod teed off of and hurled it into the ocean with a grunt. Mother _fucking_ Canadian. He looked around for more things to throw, but he'd already tossed everything that wasn't bolted to Atlantis out into the drink. John grabbed his hair and screamed wordlessly in sheer frustration, then dropped down to sit on the decking, panting.

He sat there, rubbing his chest, trying to make the hurt go away.

***

Rod sat in the mess hall as people laughed and joked around him, feeling kind of frustrated. After he'd been okayed by Carson he'd gone in search of Sheppard to do his usual geek soothing, but Sheppard had been elusive in the extreme. This wasn't like the man. Normally after Rod had done something dangerous and life threatening, Sheppard was all over him like white on rice, bitching up a storm, always completely ignoring the instances where Sheppard himself had done something less than safe and prudent. It was what the man did. And after spending several long days dealing with things like an uber-geeky version of himself, a freakishly nice Teyla, a Simpson who wasn't an something of an idiot, and a version of Sheppard that was straight out of the Twilight Zone, Rod had been looking forward to the normality of life in his own universe, not some weird outburst and then sudden disappearance by Sheppard. It left Rod feeling out of sorts.

"Hey, Rod, is it true what Carson said about the Sheppard over there actually being a nice guy instead of the asshole we've got?" Colonel Lorne shouted from across the room. "Shame you couldn't have traded him out with ours!"

Rod looked past Lorne's shoulder to see the blade thin form of Sheppard standing just inside the door. It was obvious from his face that he'd heard Lorne's comment. Rod looked on, surprised as a brief but distinct look of _hurt_ crossed Sheppard's bespectacled face. "Well, he was certainly different than what we're used to," Rod temporized as he answered Evan's question. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the motion of Sheppard leaving the mess hall. Rod sighed internally. His plan to pull Sheppard into the conversation and then haul him out on a gateship for a while to settle the mathematician back to something approaching normal had just gone totally FUBAR thanks to the Colonel who had replaced him as the head of the military when they'd resumed contact with Earth. As glad as he'd been to give up the job and go back to being the head of the science division, he sometimes wished that the SGC had sent someone else who didn't perpetually butt heads with Sheppard. Sighing and silently hoping that one day he'd get to the bottom of what had caused the bad blood between those two, Rod gave in to the inevitable and trotted out the stories that he was already tiring of about the other universe for the adoring masses. He'd just have to look for Sheppard later after he'd had a chance to lick his wounds for a while.

Rod went in search of Sheppard again after he'd finally escaped from the impromptu welcome back party after dinner. He tried the usual places again; the lab, the jumper bay, and the chair room and came up empty in all three. Rod gave brief consideration to trying to locate him using the sensors but figured that it would be an exercise in futility, considering Sheppard's affinity with the city. In fact, Rod wouldn't be surprised if tomorrow Colonel Lorne complained to him again of quarters and bathing facilities distinctly reminiscent of the Antarctic. There was certainly no love lost between John and Evan to begin with and Lorne's poorly timed comment at dinner was sure to trigger Atlantis into expressing her disapproval for pissing off her favored son. Normally Rod would have run Sheppard down and distracted him with something to improve his mood, but the time frame for that to successfully work was long gone at this point. Rod sighed and resigned himself to dealing with an unhappy Colonel and a cranky Atlantis tomorrow as he headed toward Sheppard's seldom used quarters. Normally the man dropped wherever he happened to be working when exhaustion hit, but since he wasn't currently _in_ any of those places, Rod decided it was worth a shot.

He rang the door chime and waited patiently for a bit, but when there was no answer, Rod finally decided to give pounding on the door with his fist a shot and said, "Sheppard? You there? It's Rod. Let me in."

The door shot open and Rod found himself staring into a dark and silent room. He gingerly stepped inside and promptly stumbled over a pile of clothing laying close to the door. The door slid shut and darkness engulfed him. "Sheppard?" Rod said uncertainly. "John, I need a little light here before your laundry takes advantage of the dark to swarm over my body and eat me."

The lights came up low and Rod made out the form of Sheppard sitting slumped on his bed and the room looking even more trashed than normal. In addition to the all the Ancient junk that regularly resided there, it looked like John had opened every drawer he owned and pitched the contents of said drawers randomly across the room. A lamp lay on the floor and John's tac vest was spread out across his desk in a sad heap. Rod wove his way around the crap on the floor and sat down next to Sheppard. "Hey, buddy, long time no see," Rod said jovially as he relaxed against the wall. "How have you been?"

"Fine," Sheppard murmured, and drew himself up into a pointy huddle of knees and elbows.

Rod thought absently that if Sheppard were to be suddenly transformed into an animal it would be a porcupine. A monosyllabic porcupine. "That's good," Rod replied blankly. This really wasn't what he'd been expecting. Sheppard should be cussing him out right about now. He hated people being in his personal space and he hated being called buddy. At a loss, he tried again to get the conversational ball rolling. "Hey, I didn't see you at dinner so I had the cooks save some spice cake for you. Would you like to come to the mess hall and have some?"

"No," Sheppard mumbled and curled up more.

Okay, maybe less of a porcupine and more like a hedgehog, thought Rod. A hedgehog who had just turned down _spice cake_. "Are you okay Sheppard?" he asked with true concern as he reached out to put a hand on Sheppard's shoulder.

"Yeah," Sheppard said as he twitched out of Rod's grasp and bolted off the bed to the other side of the room. "Just tired," he said as he wrapped his arms protectively around himself.

Rod stared at him. Sheppard had broken away some from the whole monosyllabic routine finally, but he was jumpier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. "Are you sure?" Rod asked. "I could have Carson drop by and have a quick look, just to make sure." He gave Sheppard his cheesiest grin, the one that usually drove Sheppard berserk.

"I'm sure," Sheppard replied, not falling for the bait to Rod's utter disappointment. "I just want to sleep," Sheppard said softly, swaying slightly from side to side.

Rod sighed and got off the bed. Maybe Sheppard really did just need some sleep. He was probably exhausted from working non-stop on the rift issue for the last few days. "All right, then. I'm sorry if I disturbed your rest, Sheppard," Rod said lightly. He crossed over to the door and as it opened he turned and said, "Sweet dreams and make sure you remember to ask for your spice cake in the morning from the cooks, okay?"

Sheppard nodded once and replied distantly, "Right."

Rod walked out, feeling uneasy about the whole thing and wondering if perhaps he hadn't made it back to exactly the right universe after all.

***

John watched Rod's broad form walk out the door, then flopped back onto his bed and called up the Atlantis security footage again on the Ancient screen in his room. Rod talking about Colonel Sheppard playing golf to Beckett. Rod talking to Zelenka about how Colonel Sheppard didn't bother to join Mensa. That asshole Lorne marveling that Colonel Sheppard was the head of the military. Colonel Sheppard was easygoing. Colonel _Fucking_ Sheppard was _cool_. The whole damned city was abuzz with it. Everyone wondering aloud to each other in every public space Atlantis had. Wondering why the other universe got the nice Sheppard while they'd gotten stuck with the nasty one.

John took off his glasses and pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. Rod had gotten to be friends with a Sheppard who was cool and nice like him. It was obvious from the stories Rod told that he'd really liked the guy. He was everything that John wasn't. Hell, he was even a pilot. John swallowed bitter disappointment over that last point particularly. How was John supposed to compete with that? He knew he was hard to get along with and he'd gotten used to Rod being unflappable and mild mannered in the face of the worst of his temper. He seriously doubted that Rod would put up with his shit now that he knew John was capable of being different. He'd probably politely tell John to grow the hell up already and quit being such an ass. John remembered with distress that he'd pitched Rod's golf balls and tee-up mat into the ocean earlier that day in a fit of rage. Jesus. Rod would probably be right in telling him to suck it up too, John thought with a sigh as he slowly slipped his glasses back on. He looked back on his behavior of the past few days with a new set of eyes and winced. Yeah, it was pretty plain to him now that he was the evil twin.

John's attention drifted back to the screen and he asked Atlantis to freeze a scene of footage. Rod froze on the screen, hands paused mid-flight and blue eyes shining brightly as he told Dr. Weir about Colonel Fucking Sheppard. He stared at the picture for a long time as his lungs struggled to breathe around the persistent pain in his chest that he refused to acknowledge.

***

The next morning Rod did his usual sparring with Ronon, ate breakfast with Elizabeth, and then cajoled Atlantis into letting him fix Colonel Lorne's quarters, which had indeed started mimicking Antarctica. Figuring that Sheppard might finally be up by now, Rod then wandered down to the labs to see if his teammate had settled down now that he'd had some sleep and also to do some work of his own. Expecting the usual shouting and arm flailing to be going on over by the whiteboards, Rod was shocked when the doors to the lab opened and nothing more than the muted beeps and buzzes of equipment greeted his ears. Carefully looking around the room as he entered, he saw a number of puzzled looking people shooting furtive glances at the closed door of a minuscule room Sheppard had claimed as his office while pretending to work on some Ancient gadgets.

Spotting Radek, he walked over and said, "Good morning, Radek. How are things?"

Radek looked pointedly at the closed door everyone else was nervously eying and said, dryly, "Bizarre."

Rod leaned against Radek's lab table and cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? How so?"

Radek pointed casually to the closed door and said, "We come in this morning and find that Dr. Sheppard has made fresh batch of coffee and given back every Ancient tech item he has ever swiped from person he deemed an idiot. He then mumbles 'good morning' to everyone and retreats into closet office of doom." Radek sighed heavily. "Nothing has been thrown against door and no demands for coffee have been made for two hours. He is scaring Miko. She thinks he is dead in there."

Rod sighed internally. So much for hoping that Sheppard would be back to normal this morning. "Radek, could you check and make sure that I made it back to the right universe?"

Radek chuckled. "You are in right universe, Rod. It is Sheppard who has apparently been replaced by pod person."

Rod stared at the office door for a while before reluctantly deciding to leave Sheppard to his own devices for the time being and went back to work on his project that had been interrupted by the recent emergency. Sheppard would surface from his self imposed exile soon enough, Rod thought determinedly. And when he did, Rod was going to find out what was going on in that fuzzy, math obsessed brain of his.

***

Six days later, the entire lab continued to be weirded out by Sheppard's bizarre run of polite, reclusive behavior and Rod was at his wits end from trying and failing to chase down the man long enough to talk to him. Sheppard had not even bothered to show up for the Mensa meeting where Rod had lain in wait for him. That, more than anything else, concerned Rod because the man had had perfect attendance up until that point, even when he'd been a bug for a while. For all that Rod saw of John lately, he could easily believe that the man had turned into a ghost. On the seventh morning, Rod plopped his tray down on the table next to Ronon and Teyla with a huff and stared morosely into his oatmeal.

"You all right, Rod?" Ronon mumbled around a mouth full of muffin.

Rod blew out a breath and looked up at Ronon and Teyla. "While I was gone, did Sheppard, you know, touch any unidentified Ancient tech, get bitten by something, anything unusual?"

"No," Ronon grunted as he fished out a piece of bacon from the pile on his plate and bit into it.

"As far as I can ascertain, Dr. Sheppard was not subjected to anything out of the ordinary," Teyla replied primly as she carved a piece of fruit with precision. "The only thing noteworthy was his _exceptionally_ bad mood while you were gone."

Rod waved a hand uncertainly. "How about right after I came back? Anything then?"

"Nope," Ronon said, popping the other half of his muffin in his mouth. Teyla shook her head in agreement.

Rod slumped in his chair. "Then why is he acting all, all...weird and everything?"

Teyla gave him an odd look. "You believe that it is strange that Dr. Sheppard is finally showing some semblance of manners, Rod?"

"Yes!" Rod shouted as he flung his arms out. "This is _Sheppard_ we are discussing here! Crazy man of Atlantis! You know, the hopelessly aggravating, know-it-all mathematician with a death wish?"

Teyla and Ronon blinked at Rod's uncharacteristic outburst. "You do not like this positive change in his behavior?" Teyla asked a little incredulously.

Rod hesitated. Who was to say if Sheppard had decided to turn over a new leaf upon hearing about his alternate? "I ah...I just want to make sure it's of his own volition," he replied weakly. "Make sure he's okay. I am his team leader, after all."

Ronon and Teyla both nodded in acknowledgment of that and Teyla replied, "Sheppard has not been compromised and is acting on his own initiative insofar as we know. "

"Thanks, Teyla," replied Rod, not feeling appreciative in the slightest.

***

The next day all three of them sat dumbstruck in Dr. Weir's office, blinking at each other in disbelief.

"What?" Rod finally spluttered out.

Elizabeth carefully folded her hands together and leaned forward. "I know this is sudden, but Dr. Sheppard was quite firm in his request to step down from off-world travel. I have a list with me of others who have requested a spot on a gate team who could take his place if you don't have anyone in mind."

Rod's mind raced. This was _impossible_. Sheppard _lived _for gate travel. It occasionally gave him yet another excuse to pry a gateship out of Colonel Lorne's grip. Sheppard was giving up opportunities to fly his precious _babies_. Flying was the only thing Rod had found in Atlantis that was guaranteed to put Sheppard in a better mood. Hell, the only thing that made him look like he ever got laid. Not that he did around here, of course, not with his attitude and temper, but he always looked like he'd just had the best orgasm _ever_ after he'd been allowed to pilot one of those things.

Rod startled as Teyla reached over him, pulled Ronon's gun out of his holster and handed it to the big guy. "Ronon, go find Dr. Sheppard and take him to the infirmary," she said firmly. "Use whatever force necessary. He has obviously been affected by something that could endanger Atlantis."

Rod waved both hands frantically. "Wait, wait, wait. Stop!" he said that last to Ronon to prevent him from leaving the room before turning back to Elizabeth and asking, "Did he say why by any chance?"

Elizabeth leaned back in her chair and grabbed her tablet to look at it. "He said that it had come to his attention that his performance off-world frequently put the team in unnecessary danger and that he thought it a good idea to resign in favor of someone else who had better diplomatic skills than himself. "

"Who told him _that_?" Rod exclaimed, utterly flabbergasted.

"You, Dr. Weir, myself, Colonel Lorne, Dr. Zelenka, Dr. Heightmeyer..." Teyla said ticking off her fingers as she recited names.

"No, no, no. We didn't tell him to get off the team!" Rod interrupted, frustrated. "Yeah, sure we've all told him to get off his high horse and stuff, but we never, _never_ told him to quit the team."

"Well, he seems to think that it's in the team's best interest if he did," Elizabeth replied as she refolded her hands. "You have to admit that his impudence has caused more than a few problems out in the field."

"I thought he was funny," Ronon rumbled from where he leaned against the wall by the door.

Rod turned and gave Ronon a dirty look. "Ronon..." Rod began then stopped, frustrated. That comment hadn't helped any, really. He finally decided to take a page out of Rodney's book and finished with, "shut up."

Ronon blinked back at him. "Um, sorry Rod," he replied meekly.

Rod turned to see Teyla and Elizabeth both staring at him. "Um...I'm sorry," he said penitently at their stunned expressions. He rubbed his forehead and continued, "It's just that this is just such a...a shock to me. _I_ don't want Sheppard off the team. He's a good scientist. And I think he works well with the team for the most part." He dug the palms of his hands into his eye sockets to try and stem his incipient headache and sighed. Everything had just gone to hell in a hand basket with Sheppard since he'd come back and he had no idea why. It made his chest hurt.

Teyla looked at Rod for a long moment and then turned to Elizabeth and said, "I think it would be wise if you would allow us to speak with Dr. Sheppard before any decisions are made, Dr. Weir. " She paused, and then continued, "We may need to beat some sense into him. Again."

***

Teyla followed Rod out of Elizabeth's office and pulled him aside. "What have you said to Dr. Sheppard since you came back?"

Rod scrubbed at his face and replied, "Not much. I've only seen him twice. Briefly. He came to see me in the infirmary the day I returned and he seemed normal enough then, although fabulously pissed off. The next time was after dinner that evening when I stopped by his quarters. He was all weird then. Didn't yell at me, didn't insult me. He just kind of...moped." Rod threw up his hands. "I don't know what to do. He's avoiding me, and when he can't avoid me it's like I'm talking to a stranger."

"Like the Colonel Sheppard you have told us about, perhaps?" Teyla asked with a lifted eyebrow.

Rod blinked. "Um...no. Colonel Sheppard seemed comfortable in his own skin. Our Sheppard is acting like he's allergic to his. If he gets any twitchier, he'll jump right out of it." Rod sighed. "I thought that Sheppard would be fine after I got home, I mean there was the usual thing of Atlantis trying to freeze Lorne out of his quarters after he'd made that crack in the mess hall and hearing about that usually improves John's day, but he's still acting...upset." Rod turned and leaned his forehead wearily against the wall. "He's not okay, this is not okay, and I'm not okay. This, this...I don't want a new team member, Teyla. I like what I've already got. The whole idea...it's pissing me off."

Teyla crossed her arms. "Then let us go find Dr. Sheppard and dissuade him of this ridiculous idea then, Rod," she said tersely.

***

John lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. The decision had hurt, but it was for the best that he quit the team. They didn't need someone who got them into as much trouble as he did. It wasn't like he could protect them like Colonel Fucking Sheppard could his team. He was just a mathematician. A self-centered, snotty mathematician with weird genes that Rod had to keep bailing out of situations. He wouldn't have even gotten into the expedition if it weren't for his genes. There was a reason that the SGC had kept him in a vaulted office at Area 51, and it wasn't because he was indispensable.

The chime on his door rang and John looked over at it. _Rod and Teyla_ Atlantis informed him. Right, thought John as he put on his glasses and sat up. Showtime. He thought the lights on and the door open.

Teyla and Rod came in and stopped, looking around his room, surprised. "You cleaned," Rod said uncertainly.

"And it was about time you did so. I approve," Teyla said determinedly, and pulled Rod further into the room. "We wish to speak with you about your absurd desire to leave the team."

John took a halting breath. He could do this. "Yeah. I need to devote more time to my projects in the lab." Be a good lab rat. Hide his difficult-to-deal-with ass away where he couldn't hurt anyone. He'd not realized how much everyone else had genuinely hated him and what a big disappointment he probably was to Rod before. It had never registered with him previously. Not until he'd heard everyone wishing that Rod could have exchanged him for the cooler version.

"You lie. Dr. Weir said you believe that you put the team in unnecessary danger and that we should have someone else with better interpersonal skills than yourself," Teyla countered.

John met her gaze evenly. "I'm not lying. That was a consideration too."

Rod sighed and sat down in Sheppard's desk chair. "We'll stand down for a while and let you have some uninterrupted lab time, but you're not off the team, Sheppard."

"I don't think that is your decision, McKay," John replied flatly. Don't make this any harder for me Rod, he thought to himself. Keep this nice and polite the way you always do.

"I'm not going through the stargate without you," Rod replied, crossing his arms.

"I'm sure Colonel Lorne will have something different to say about that," John replied stiffly. He just had to hold on to his temper for a while. He could do this. He could wait Rod out.

"Yes, yes, you and Evan don't get along. But he doesn't have the final say in who's on my team," Rod replied, exasperated. "You're on my team. You have been since the beginning. And I'm not going out without my entire team."

"I'm not on your team anymore, _Major_," John gritted out. Why was Rod being so damned stubborn?

Rod's lipped thinned at the mention of his military rank and he gave John a betrayed look. Teyla crossed her arms sternly and interrupted their standoff. "I have noted a marked improvement on your people skills as of late, Dr. Sheppard."

John shot her a suspicious look. "You're just saying that to back up McKay." She'd always been upfront with letting him know that she disapproved of him. John would have thought she'd been forming an impromptu party to celebrate his leaving, not standing here with Rod trying to convince him not to quit.

"No, I am not," Teyla shot back, glowering. "You have always been capable of acting like a decent human being, you have just not bothered to choose to do so until recently. I see no reason why you cannot keep acting as you have been doing this past week out in the field."

"Come on, Sheppard," Rod said pleadingly. "I just got you to finally stop flinching when you shoot. Don't make me have to train someone else."

John shook his head, determined. "I'm just not cut out for field work, McKay. You've pointed that out to me often enough and it's finally gotten through, okay?"

"No, I haven't!" Rod shouted as he jumped out of the desk chair and started pacing across John's quarters. "I've pointed out where you could improve, yes, but I've never asked you to leave the team!" He halted in front of John and said, "Please don't leave the team, Sheppard."

John turned his back to them both and said tightly, "I'm sorry." He thought the door open and said, "This conversation is over." he cleared his throat and awkwardly added, "Thank you for stopping by."

He stared at the wall and felt the weight of their combined stares on his back for a minute before the air behind him emptied and Atlantis announced to him _they are gone_ as it closed the door behind them. He dropped his head and shut his eyes tightly. He was fine with this. Really. They were better off without him. He was just tired of being a disappointment to everyone.

***

A week later, Rod sat slumped on Radek's couch, clutching his fifth...sixth...okay, maybe seventh mug of moonshine that Radek had poured for him. Numbers were starting to get fuzzy at this point. He wondered how much more he'd have to drink before his chest finally became as numb as his face currently was. He'd been drinking this stuff pretty rapidly and he'd lost the tolerance he used to have when he'd headed up the Russian naquadah program. Maybe a couple more mugs would do it. He raised the mug and chugged down the contents. "Hit me again, Radek," he said as he unsteadily stretched the mug towards the bottle in Radek's hand.

Radek pulled the bottle away from his mug. "I think you've had enough for tonight, Rod," he said gently.

"Nope," Rod said brightly. "I can still feel something. I can drink plenty more." He leaned over to try to take the bottle away from Radek and slid onto the floor instead. "Whoopsie!" he singsonged as Radek grabbed one of his arms and tried futilely to get him back up into his seat. Radek was such a nice guy, really, Rod thought, but he didn't have the muscles to haul Rod's bulk back up onto the couch. Rod giggled. This would probably look pretty funny to John if he came in on it. Oh damn. His chest hurt again. Rod looked around for the bottle again. He was sure if he had another mug or two he'd finally hit that numb space he'd been aiming for.

Radek pulled the bottle out of Rod's hands just as he'd gotten a hold of it and said, "Seriously, Rod. You don't need any more."

Rod dropped his head back onto the seat of the couch and gave Radek a hurt puppy look. "Oh, yes I do. I can still feel stuff. I really, really want to get into that comfortably numb stage. Cuz, cuz I gotta go out tomorrow, you see, and I won't have Sheppard. Asshole. He quit on me. Did I tell you he quit on me?" He'd quit and made Rod's chest hurt. That was just so unfair.

"Yes, you did. Repeatedly," Radek replied as he sat back down on his chair in front of Rod. "He is mean little man for abandoning you. But look on bright side, you may not get shot at as often."

Rod pouted. "But that was _fun_. He made things exciting. With that, that..." Rod waved his hand up and down around his head, "chia pet hair, and his know-it-all attitude and his...stuff, stuff and things. And, and he won't be there tomorrow. Now I got a, a botanist or something. Whatever. Who am I gonna pick on now? Botanists, botanists...." Rod struggled up from his drunken sprawl and leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially, "I think botanists are boring!" Rod then put a finger in front of his mouth and shh'ed with an exaggerated pouting of his lips. "But don't tell anyone, okay? I, I don't want to make, make her cry or, or anything." It wasn't the fault of the botanists that none of them had the hair thing. Bet that John had looked funny as a baby with the hair thing.

Radek patted Rod on the shoulder. "Your secret is safe with me, Rod. I think botanists are boring too. Always with talking to plants. I think they are not so sane, _ano_?"

"Exactly!" Rod said, woozily shoving his index finger into Radek's knee. "And, and they can't play Prime Not Prime either. Yeah, they suck. Like Sheppard. Asshole. He left me!" Rod stared down into his empty mug. "I'm outta booze," he said mournfully. That sucked. And he still had feeling in his chest, too.

Radek freed the mug from Rod's grasp. "That means it's time for all good astrophysicists to go to bed then, Rod. Here, pull up nice comfy floor and sleep for your friend Radek," he said as he coaxed Rod into lying down on the floor. He shoved a balled up jacket under Rod's head and flipped a blanket over him.

Rod blinked blearily up at him. "I'm lying down. Is it sleepy time?" Maybe he was dreaming and John would still be on the team when he woke up. That'd be nice. Rod would make sure to hug him if he did. Maybe he'd stick his nose in John's hair too. Just to see if it tickled or not. Rod giggled at the thought.

Radek smiled sadly and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Yes, Rod, is sleepy time. I will watch over you and make sure you do not suffocate on your own vomit, because I am a friend."

"Okay. Night, night," Rod replied and crashed headlong into unconsciousness.

***

The next morning was torture for Rod. After waking in the early hours and upchucking in Radek's bathroom a half dozen times, Radek had finally force fed him painkillers, a half a gallon of water and several slices of bread. He'd then gone to his quarters and stood in the shower until he'd gone all wrinkly before drying off, putting on a fresh uniform and finding his sunglasses. That made life a little more bearable. He then went down to the mess hall, sat at his usual table with Ronon and Teyla flanking him, and stared listlessly into his Cheerios.

"You okay, Rod?" Ronon rumbled in concern as he ate his eggs in a distracted fashion. It was Ronon's equivalent of pushing food around on the plate. Rod sighed.

"You look like picked over carrion," Teyla added as she picked at her plate.

Rod repressed the wave of nausea that came with that visual and flapped a dismissive hand. "I'm fine, just fine. I just spent some time shooting the breeze with Radek last night and drank too much of that stuff he calls Smurf piss. I just have a bit of a headache, is all." He got a firmer grip on his spoon and started to eat his Cheerios instead of stirring them randomly like he had been. He was perfectly fine. One of his team members had quit and he was just fine with that. As soon as he recovered from his hangover, anyway.

"You miss Sheppard being on the team," Teyla said quietly as she pushed away her largely uneaten breakfast.

Rod snorted. "No, you're wrong. I don't miss him at all." He had to keep telling himself that.

Teyla gave him a bruised look and got up from the table. "I will meet you at the gateroom in three hours then," she said stiffly and left to dump her tray.

Ronon watched her as she left, then swiveled his head back to look at Rod. "I think you hurt Teyla's feelings."

Rod thought sourly _she has feelings?_, then replied, "I'm sure she'll be fine. Want to spar before the mission?"

"You're too hungover," Ronon grunted. "No challenge there. Why'd you get drunk the night before a mission anyway? That's stupid."

Because my mathematician/engineer has turned into a pod person and left my team out of some bizarre misplaced loyalty that we'd be better off without him, Rod thought glumly. "I wasn't paying enough attention to how much I was drinking." He'd lost count. He'd lost count and his chest _still_ hurt. "It was a dumb thing to do, and I don't plan on doing it again." Especially since it didn't help with the hurt. No point in doing something that doesn't give you the desired results. "I'll be fine for the mission, don't worry," he said and took another sip of water.

Ronon looked at him dubiously for a moment. Then he said, "I'm gonna miss him coming along too, you know. He was funny to have around even when he was trying to get us all killed. "

Rod stiffened, then forced himself to relax. "I'm sure we'll find admirable qualities in Katie Brown too," he said as he leaned back in his chair. "For one, her knowledge of plants could come in handy. Maybe she'll find us a new food source or something. She's also really nice, too."

Ronon shut his eyes wearily and sagged in on himself for just a moment before pulling himself back together. If Rod hadn't been watching he'd have missed it, it was that fast. "Yeah, maybe she will," Ronon replied and then he grabbed his tray and left the table.

Rod dropped his spoon into the milk in his cereal bowl. He didn't know why he'd even picked Cheerios to eat this morning. It was usually something Sheppard ate, not him. Rod scrubbed at his face with both hands then bussed his tray to the kitchen and started on his duties for the day.

***

John watched from the safety of a shadowed corner as his team made last minute preparations by the gate before they left. He watched Rod gallantly help Katie Brown settle into her tac vest as he told her stories of his time with the Russian gate team on Earth. Rod then ran a sweeping glance at the rest of the team to reassure himself that they were all ready. After making sure that Teyla had another ammo clip, Rod then grinned up at the gate technician and said, "Ready when you are, Chuck."

Sgt. Campbell chuckled back and dialed the gate. The whoosh settled into a pool of blue and Rod strode off through the gate after Ronon, still telling Katie embarrassing stories of his first few times through the gate while Teyla followed on their six. John grimaced. It felt weird to see Rod telling someone other than him stories as he went through the gate. It made his chest ache in some strange way. He watched them all leave and stayed long enough to see the wormhole pop out of existence.

John turned away to go back to the lab and slammed headlong into Zelenka who managed to grab on to John and prevent both of them from going down in a tangle of limbs. As soon as both of them had regained their balance, John pulled out of Zelenka's grasp and muttered an embarrassed, "Sorry," as he readjusted his glasses.

"Is quite all right," Zelenka responded. "You were the person I was looking for anyway." He smiled wryly. "Although perhaps not this enthusiastically. I need you for a gateship project."

John clamped down on any incipient excitement. Rod wasn't around and everyone else was unenthused about letting him fly unless it was an emergency. He had a reputation for being a little wild while flying and while Rod found it amusing, nobody else did. Particularly Colonel Lorne, who was a real pilot, John thought bitterly. "I'll go get my stuff," he replied evenly.

"Good, good," Zelenka said, patting him on arm. John twitched out of his reach and gave him an odd look. The only person who ever bothered to try and touch him that he'd voluntarily allow to was Rod on the odd occasion. "I will meet you in gateship bay in ten minutes," Zelenka continued as he headed towards Dr. Weir's office.

John nodded his acknowledgment and headed over to the lab. He gave Miko an awkward nod as he passed by her and pulled his toolbox from under the lab bench next to her. He felt the weight of a stare on him and looked up to see Miko staring at him with wide eyes made even bigger by her coke-bottle bottom glasses.

"Are you all right, Doctor Sheppard?" she asked timidly with a nervous bobbing bow. "I thought you had a gate mission today."

John cleared his throat and shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "I'm no longer on Rod's gate team, Dr. Kusanagi. I'm going to be working exclusively in the lab from now on." Her staring made him nervous. _She_ made him nervous with her constant fluttering around him and he usually barked at her to get him some coffee then go away and let him work, but he'd decided that he wasn't doing that anymore because it was yet another thing he did that made people wish he were Colonel Fucking Sheppard instead. "I gotta go," he muttered instead and slipped around her and out the door.

Zelenka met him at the door to the gateship bay with a big pack and said, "We are working with Gateship 3 today. I have tests on maneuverability I wish to conduct. I want you to pilot. Later we will check circuits for strain."

John stumbled to a stop in surprise, then had to trot to catch back up to the rapidly walking Czech, who was still talking. "We will head over to mainland, then conduct tests over nearby shores. I also wish to test underwater capability." They reached Gateship 3 and Zelenka looked at John while waving a hand over toward the ship. "If you would do the honors, please?"

John blinked, then popped the gateship door open. Zelenka strode in and made himself comfortable in the passenger seat behind the co-pilot position, then opened his laptop and began tapping away at it. John came in more slowly, dumped his tools on one of the benches and slipped into the pilot seat. He felt awkward having Zelenka here instead of Rod. Zelenka was usually one of those that harped on John's hot dogging with the ten thousand year old equipment and John could not for the life of him figure out why he'd decided on John as a pilot instead of that asshole Lorne or even Markham. Uneasy, he ran through the preflight checks and powered up the gateship.

"Control this is Gateship 3," Zelenka said into his radio when he looked up and saw John nod to indicate that he was ready to fly them out. "We are ready to head out for testing."

"Control to Gateship 3," came the voice of Sgt. Campbell. "You are clear to go. Opening bay door."

John lifted the ship with a thought and headed out the bay door towards the mainland.

***

Rod had his being-polite smile pasted on as he listened to Katie natter in his ear.

"...and Dr. Parrish thinks that Earth may have been terraformed by the Ancients as well," Katie burbled. "This is so exciting! Seeing the parallel development of plants on other planets first hand - it's a botanist's dream come true!"

Rod was jolted by the sudden silence into his standard response. "That's interesting." His brain then spat back the last few words she'd said to him, so he proceeded to customize it with, "It's nice to see you're so enthusiastic about field work. Some scientists are too chicken to go out. They say they don't have the chops for it." Rod got thunked in the back of the head with a pebble and turned to see Teyla glowering at him. He shrugged it off.

Katie smiled brightly at him. "Oh yes. I was so excited when a spot opened up on your team. You guys have all the exciting adventures. And without Dr. Sheppard around to be such an annoyance, I think that we will all get along famously."

Ronon chose that moment to let go of a tree branch a little too soon and it whipped back and slapped Katie hard in the face. She staggered backwards, somehow managed to trip over Teyla's foot and sprawled backwards onto the dirt.

"Sorry," Ronon grunted, not looking sorry at all as Teyla stood to the side, looking inscrutable.

Rod gave them both looks as he helped Katie back up onto her feet. She looked dazed and her lower lip was split and bleeding. "You okay, Katie?" he asked her, trying to be solicitous.

She dabbed at her lip with the back of her hand and then smiled tremulously. "I'm fine Rod. I mean, you've got to expect little accidents out in the field like this sometimes, right?"

Ronon grunted and Teyla blinked slowly. Oh god, Rod thought miserably as his headache threatened to start back up. This mission was going to _suck_.

***

John landed the gateship on the sand at the bay Zelenka had pointed to and powered down. Zelenka sat humming over the data while John closed his eyes and tried to contain the sheer sensual feeling of _freedom_ he always got when he flew the gateships. Zelenka had looked oddly at him a time or two during the test flight and John worried that it had somehow shown up on his face. Feeling antsy, he stood up and headed for the back of the gateship saying, "I'm going to stretch my legs a bit, Dr. Zelenka. I'll be back in a while."

Zelenka waved an absent hand in John's direction. "_Ano, ano_. Stretch legs, it has been long flight."

John ducked out of the gateship and wandered down the shoreline, kicking the occasional shell out of his way. He found a large rock on the edge of the water and climbed on top of it to sit and watch the waves. He'd always liked the ocean and had thought wistfully more than once that he'd like to learn how to surf one day. School and then work had always gotten in the way though. Perhaps now that he was off the team he'd finally have the time to learn.

***

Radek stretched and shut down his computer. He was pleased with the test results and was now ready to speak with Sheppard. He glanced around and saw that Sheppard was still not back, so he laid aside the laptop and went outside to look for him.

He found Sheppard a short walk away, sitting on a large boulder looking young and lost as he stared into the waves. Radek watched him for a moment. This was not the Sheppard they had been used to seeing in the lab, bitter and biting. Nor was it the newer version that had showed up of late, awkward and silent. It also wasn't the Sheppard that had flown the gateship who had looked so utterly _blissful_ that Radek had finally understood why Rod kept commandeering gateships for Sheppard to fly at every possible opportunity despite Colonel Lorne's and his own objections. This version of Sheppard looked like he'd been abandoned to the whims of a cruel world and was rather the worse off for it. He wondered how many versions of Sheppard there actually were, and if any of them aside from the one that flew gateships were happy at all. It did not seem so to him from the data points he had available at this time.

Radek sidled up to the rock and said quietly, "It is very soothing, the ocean." He leaned against the rock and watch Sheppard out of the corner of his eye.

"Yeah," Sheppard replied softly. He then shook himself back to awareness and turned to Radek. "You ready to go, Dr. Zelenka?"

Radek looked at the carefully blank face Sheppard presented to him and shrugged. "In a minute or two, I suppose. I am enjoying the sound of the surf for a moment. I do not get enough time away from work to relax. This is nice, and there is no emergency in city. We have time."

Radek watched as Sheppard withdrew even more into himself and went back to staring at the waves. After a short silence, Sheppard asked, "Why am I here, Dr. Zelenka? There are other people in Atlantis who can fly that won't piss Colonel Lorne off like I do. It's not like you even needed me to analyze the data. You're doing that yourself."

"You had least flight time of everyone on roster," Radek replied easily. "One must practice skills to maintain them, and you were available."

Sheppard snorted in response but continued to silently watch the waves.

Radek smiled slightly. Whatever anyone said of Sheppard, the one thing that was never said was that he was stupid. "I also wished to ask you why you are an asshole and quit Rod's team."

That lost expression briefly flitted over Sheppard's face again before he blanked it out to that peculiar non-expression he had been using a lot recently and replied, "I'm no good out in the field. They needed someone better. It's not like I'm Colonel Fucking Badass Sheppard."

"Ah," Radek said, illuminated by the reply. "Unfortunately, I do not think Rod wants someone better on his team."

"He'll get over it," Sheppard replied shortly. "It's for his own good." He then added bitterly, "Besides, I'm sure he'll find someone that he likes better than me."

"And you are positive you know what is best for Rod?" Radek asked with a slight air of disbelief in his voice.

"Sure I do. Because I'm a smug little know-it-all bastard with a stick up my ass," Sheppard said in a stony tone. He then shoved himself off the rock and started towards the ship. "I'll be in the gateship running some diagnostics. I'll see you when you've had your fill of noisy salt water," he shot back over his shoulder as he walked off.

Radek watched him hightail it back to the gateship, chewing on his lower lip thoughtfully.

***

Katie continued to chatter. Rod was pretty convinced by now that the woman was an idiot, because she still wasn't getting the fact that Ronon and Teyla _loathed_ her and were taking potshots at her at this point. Maybe she couldn't tell, Rod thought to himself, trying to think charitably of her. Ronon was kind of hard to read if it was a situation that didn't involve guns and fighting and Teyla didn't act like she liked anyone, really, so maybe it was tough for Katie to see that she was taking an exceptional dislike because it looked exactly the same...except worse.

"...and Dr. Parrish cried into the ferns after he left. Honestly, he's awful. I don't know how you guys were able to put up with Dr. Sheppard all that time. You guys must be so relieved that he's decided to stay in his office," Katie said, right before Teyla 'tripped' and shoved her into a large mud puddle face first.

Katie got up onto her hands and knees, spitting mud out of her mouth as Teyla said in a cool tone, "I most sincerely apologize, Doctor Brown. I must have tripped over a root."

Katie stood up and went to pick up a pack she had dropped when Ronon said, "Let me get that." He bent over, grabbed the pack and slung it up and over his shoulder, whacking Katie in the face again and knocking her backwards into the mud. "Sorry," Ronon grunted. Teyla got that inscrutable look on her face again. Rod sighed, then went over and helped Katie up for the umpteenth time that day.

"I'm so sorry, Rod. I'm not usually this clumsy," Katie said tearfully, wiping her face off with a towelette Rod had handed her.

Rod smiled and patted her on the shoulder. Nope. His first estimation was correct. She was an idiot. "Don't worry about it, Katie." He looked at his watch. "Well, we haven't had much luck finding anything today, so I'm going to wrap this mission early." Before Ronon and Teyla got it into their heads to kill Katie outright and be done with it. Rod wouldn't put it past them at this point. The hike back was relatively uneventful, with Teyla only slapping Katie in the face with a tree branch one more time when she started badmouthing John again and Katie then apologizing for not watching where she was going while Ronon quietly snickered behind her back.

Rod sighed to himself when he got a look at Elizabeth's face as she took in what state Katie was in when they came through the gate. Battered, bruised and covered with mud, it looked like they had run Katie through the obstacle course from hell. "Doctor Brown, are you okay?" Elizabeth said with concern as she came down the stairs.

Katie smiled wanly and picked some drying mud off her uniform. "I was just a little clumsy today, that's all."

Rod took Katie by the elbow and guided her over to a medic who was standing off to the side saying, "Why don't you go ahead and get your cuts looked at and have your return check up? We'll handle the debriefing. You look like you could use a nice hot shower."

Katie dimpled a pale smile of thanks as she followed the medic to the infirmary and Rod turned back to the rest of his team. Elizabeth was giving him the eyebrow as Ronon smirked and Teyla had that damned inscrutable expression pasted on her face yet again. Oh yes, debriefing was going to be _so_ much fun.

***

Elizabeth stared at Teyla. "Excuse me?" she said, not sure if she'd heard that right.

"I _said_, " Teyla replied in precisely clipped tones, "if you dare foist that smelly piece of dung on our team again I will _personally_ feed her to the Wraith. With sauce."

Elizabeth's eyes slid from the indignant Teyla to Rod, who leaned on the table with his face buried in both hands and then to Ronon.

"I'd rather just drown her off one of the piers. Less work." Ronon growled as he folded his arms and glowered.

Elizabeth blinked. Katie was one of the sweetest, nicest folks in Atlantis. It was quite a shock to see her despised to such a degree by her premiere gate team. "Rod? Do you have anything to add to this discussion?"

Rod shook his head minutely, face still hidden by his hands.

Elizabeth sighed, then folded her hands precisely. "Thank you for your input, Ronon, Teyla. You two go ahead and get checked out by Dr. Beckett. I've got a couple more things to cover with Rod, if you don't mind."

Ronon and Teyla left the room and Elizabeth looked steadily at Rod. "What happened out there, Rod?"

Rod dropped his hands and blew out a deep sigh. "Katie did not gel well with Ronon and Teyla, that's all. It happens sometimes."

"Rod, Teyla threatened to feed Katie to a _Wraith_," Elizabeth said, exasperated. "That's the absolute nastiest thing an Athosian can say about a person, that they should be fed to a Wraith! What _happened_?"

Rod sighed, then slumped back into his chair and stared at the ceiling. "Katie decided that the way to bond with everyone was to talk a lot about how much of a jerk Sheppard is."

Elizabeth blinked in confusion. "Why would that set Teyla and Ronon off like that? Sheppard _is_ a jerk. _They've_ called him a jerk, lots of times."

"Yes, well, he's a jerk, but he used to be _our_ jerk." Rod said tiredly.

Understanding dawned in Elizabeth. "Oh." She rubbed her forehead. She really needed some aspirin. Even when Sheppard was actively trying to stay out of trouble he caused problems. She swept her hand back through her hair to pull it out of her eyes, then said, "Well, I'm sorry it didn't work out. I'll look for some other team to place Katie on, then."

***

Radek stared in surprise at a glum looking Rod standing in his doorway. "No, really, Rod. You are not of Eastern European descent. Your liver will not respond well to being pickled. Trust me."

"Ha. Little do you know. My ancestors are Scottish, my liver can handle it. Let me in, Radek. I've had a long day," Rod said in a frustrated tone.

Radek let Rod in and he sat down on Radek's couch. Radek closed his door and sat in the chair opposite. "So, I hear your mission did not go so well." Maybe if he was lucky he'd get Rod to spill all his troubles without Rod having to get shitfaced this time.

Rod scrubbed his face with a hand, then let it fall listlessly onto the couch. "You could say that," he replied tiredly. "Teyla and Ronon spent most of the day plotting to kill Katie and make it look like an accident. I think the only reason they didn't go through with it is because they didn't want to write that big of a mission report."

Radek gaped for a moment. "They don't like Katie? Sweet, innocent Katie?"

Rod shook his head. "Teyla wants to feed her to the Wraith and Ronon wants to drown her off a pier. At least that's what they told Elizabeth." Rod slid sideways and lay down on the couch. "Oh, god, Radek, this mission sucked Wraith dick, it was so bad."

"Why?" Radek asked, trying to wrap his head around the whole situation. "Why did they take such a dislike to _Katie_? Sweet, wonderful Katie? They put up with Sheppard for years and didn't attempt to kill him!"

"They wanted to kill Katie because she _isn't_ Sheppard, Radek," Rod said tiredly. "She's not Sheppard and she kept commenting on how relieved we must all be to not have to deal with him out in the field anymore."

"Ah," Radek replied. All was clear to him now. Sheppard may have gotten them into trouble from time to time, but the team had always defended their own. Just because Sheppard had left the team didn't mean that the team had left Sheppard.

"I just wish that Sheppard would get over whatever it is that's got his panties in a wad so things would get back to normal," Rod said with a whine. "I miss normal. I haven't seen normal since I left this damned universe."

Radek had a thought. "So things aren't normal if Sheppard isn't normal?"

Rod looked at him. "You _have_ been listening to me, haven't you?"

"_Ano_, I have," Radek affirmed. "It just occurs to me that you have placed a lot of importance on one person in your life though."

"He's part of my _team_, Radek. Of course he's important." Rod replied.

Radek shook his head. "I mean more than team member. I have seen you flirt with him."

Rod thunked his head back onto the couch. "Radek," He sighed. "Okay, yes, I'm...interested, okay? But he's not."

"How can you tell?" Radek countered. "Because he is oblivious to your flirtation? Miko has kilometer wide crush on him that she beats him over the head with daily, much to amusement of rest of lab I might add, and he can't see that either. This is _Sheppard_ we are talking about."

"Okay, well, I'll give you that," Rod said. "But being oblivious doesn't also mean that he's gay."

"I agree, but you did not see how unhappy he was after you left," Radek replied. After the test flight some puzzle pieces had finally come together for him concerning Sheppard. Now if he could just convince Rod. "Rod, _he missed you_. Desperately."

Rod sat up on his elbow and looked at Radek in aggravation. "Well if he missed me so desperately then, why is he _avoiding_ me now?"

"He feels he can't compete with Colonel Sheppard," Radek stated.

"Colonel Sheppard? What has Colonel Sheppard got to do with this? He's in another freaking universe!" Rod protested. "Wait, is all this craziness on Sheppard's part going on because Evan wanted to trade him out for Colonel Sheppard?"

Radek sighed. "No. It is because you brought back stories, _lots_ of stories about how different and wonderful their Sheppard was compared to our own."

"Wonderful?" Rod sat up completely. "He wasn't wonderful! He was _creepy_! He slouched everywhere and pretended to be stupid! He kept asking their Jeannie for embarrassing stories about their McKay so he could twit the man with them! The only thing that was recognizable was the hair!" Rod said, waving his arms wildly.

"Nevertheless, they made our Sheppard look worse in comparison," Radek said in a quelling tone. "I notice that you have said nothing about their McKay."

Rod flopped back down onto the couch. "He was a geek. A loud, repressed, nervous geek," he said quietly.

"Like our Sheppard," Radek said.

"Actually I'd classify Sheppard as more angry than nervous," Rod replied dryly.

"And why is that, you suppose?" Radek asked, leaning back in his chair.

"I don't know," Rod said wearily. "God, I'd give anything to see him happy outside a gateship cockpit, just once."

"You care about him," Radek pointed out, satisfied.

"Of course I...Radek, just what exactly are you getting at?" Rod asked suspiciously.

Radek held up one hand and started ticking off fingers. "One. He does not seem interested in women. Two. He drove us all insane missing you while you were gone. Three. He is oblivious. Four. He is insecure and hurting. Five. You like him, god only knows why." Radek lowered his hand and continued, "I am suggesting that you woo him. With hearts and flowers and chocolate. Be so stereotypical and obvious that he can not possibly miss it."

"And if you're wrong?" Rod countered warily.

"Play it off as big joke," Radek replied, sweeping away Rod's concern with the flip of a hand. "But I am not wrong. I caught him mooning after you as you left on mission this morning."

"Wait, what? Mooning?" Rod asked, blinking in surprise. "Seriously, mooning?"

"Yes, mooning," Radek replied definitively. "Woo him, Rod. Hearts, flowers, chocolates. Do it!"

"Radek, just how am I supposed to go about doing all this wooing you're recommending if he's _avoiding_ me?" Rod asked impatiently.

Radek lifted a finger and said conspiratorially "I have project I wish for your input on."

"What?" Rod asked, confused by the apparent change in topic.

"Gateship project," Radek replied in a smug tone.

"Oh. Oh!" Rod said, getting it. He then did a quick double snap of his fingers and pointed to Radek. "And Sheppard is going to need to fly them?"

Radek nodded. "Now you see. What better way to pry prickly bastard out of his shell than with what he loves most?"

***

John stood at his door the next morning, blinking tiredly and feeling immensely frustrated. "Dex," he growled dangerously, "Why the hell are you here?"

"It's weapons practice morning," Ronon rumbled, lounging casually in the doorway.

John sighed and hung his head. "Ronon, I'm off the team. What part of that do you not understand?"

"I understand. It's still weapons practice morning, though," Ronon replied, maddeningly calm.

John's lips thinned into a tight line and he said with exaggerated slowness. "I. Am. Not. On. The Team. Anymore. Dex. Therefore, I. Do, Not. Have. To. Go. To. Weapons. Practice."

"Sure you do," Ronon replied and grabbed hold of John, yanked him out of his room and slung John over his shoulder.

John yelped as he was manhandled and then hung there, stunned as Ronon trotted down the hallway. He could _not_ believe that this was happening. He was still in his pajamas for god's sake. Ronon's shoulder was digging into his stomach and he found himself getting slightly nauseated from the bouncing and hanging upside down. As they hit more populated corridors, people started stopping and staring at them as they went past and that was suddenly _it_ for John. He began thrashing like a wild thing, shouting, "What the hell do you think you're doing? Put! Me! Down! God damn it! Let go of me!"

Ronon merely slowed down, grabbed John's glasses off his face before they fell off entirely and slipped them into a pocket of his coat before getting a firmer grip on John and resuming his former pace. John swore a blue streak as he kicked and hit and even bit a few times while Ronon made his way to the shooting range. As they entered the room, the Marines that were currently practicing took a quick assessment of the situation and wisely scattered. By the time Ronon set John back down onto the floor, the place was clear of everyone but them.

John stood huffing and blowing, winded from his struggles, his face red from exertion and hanging upside down. He trembled like a leaf, he was so angry. Ronon shoved a gun into his hand. "Here."

John threw the gun across the range and stuck his hands in his armpits. "No," he growled. He absolutely was not going to do this. "Fuck you. I'm still in my pajamas."

"You don't need clothes to shoot," Ronon replied back mildly.

John turned his back to Ronon and ignored the large man as he tried to get his breath back. He was sure that if he tightened his muscles any further to prevent himself from fruitlessly trying to deck Ronon he'd tear something painfully. Ronon stood patiently at John's back, waiting.

John waited for a long time for Ronon to get bored and leave. It wasn't happening. Finally he turned around and demanded, "Why are you doing this? You think its funny hauling me around the base like sack of potatoes?"

Ronon shrugged. "I missed you."

John blinked. That wasn't something that he'd expected. He'd thought that perhaps this was one of Rod's bright ideas to try and get him back on the team, but for that to be true Rod should have been here by now, applying the sweet talk routine. "You dragged me here over your shoulder because you missed me?"

"Yeah," Ronon replied as if it should be obvious.

"You missed me," John stated again, just to make sure. He watched Ronon warily.

"Uh-huh," Ronon grunted.

"You have a stupid way of showing it." John muttered, confusion roiling awkwardly with his anger. He'd spent most of his life around people who didn't give much of a damn about him. He couldn't fathom someone actually _missing_ him.

Ronon shrugged. "Sorry. It wasn't like you were going to come with me any other way, though. I missed you. You're my friend and I wanted to spend some time with you."

Ronon liked him? For god's sake, why? It wasn't like Ronon even had an appreciation for anything John was good at. John looked at him, confusion having won the battle over anger.

Ronon walked over to where the gun lay, picked it up, checked it out and brought it back over to John. "Can we practice now?" he said as he extended the gun to John.

"I'm still in my pajamas," John replied, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Ronon _liked_ him. For no apparent reason, even.

Ronon shrugged and said, "I could take off my pants and we could call it even."

John blushed hotly. God only knew where John's shots would land if Ronon took off his pants. "Uh, no, that's okay," he mumbled, looking down at the floor in embarrassment.

"All right," Ronon replied amiably. He extended the gun into John's line of sight again. "Come on. Let's get started."

John dropped his arms and slowly extended his right hand and took the gun from Ronon, looking up at him cautiously. "I need my glasses back."

Ronon beamed a brief sun-filled smile then slipped John's glasses back onto his face and guided John into proper shooting position. "You remember what to do. Let's start."

***

John walked to the lab after he'd gotten showered and dressed, studiously ignoring the people who had obviously seen or heard about the incident with Ronon earlier. He was looking forward to a nice quiet day holed up in his office where he could think things over. He'd never really realized that Ronon liked him. He hung around Teyla so much that John had just assumed that Ronon thought he was as worthless as Teyla seemed to think he was.

He entered the lab and saw Rod deep in conversation with Radek over in a corner. Trying to avoid attracting their attention, he came in quietly and eased around the edge of the room heading toward his office. He was halfway there when Miko bounced up to him and blocked him from making a break for his office, saying brightly, "Good morning, Dr. Sheppard. Here, I have made you coffee!" as she thrust a large mug into his hands. "Would you care for a donut? I have saved one. It is a jelly donut, your favorite!"

John managed to stammer out nothing more than a panic stricken, "Umm..." before Rod and Radek came over to join them.

Rod patted Miko on the shoulder and said, "That was very sweet of you, Miko. I'm sure Dr. Sheppard would love a jelly donut. Why don't you go get it for him?"

Miko beamed and shot off to get the donut while John glared at Rod who, of course, ignored it. He tried to escape to his office, but Rod's hand landed on his shoulder. "Hey Sheppard, wait a sec. Radek and I were just waiting for you. We need your help with a project." Rod squeezed his shoulder and then dropped his hand back down. John's shoulder felt suddenly chilled where Rod's warm hand had been.

John looked warily at Rod and Radek, who both smiled blandly back. "What do you need help with?" he finally said.

Radek bounced on his toes and said, "The data we collected yesterday was most positive and Rod agrees with me. We are expanding the project scope and Dr. Weir has given us Gateship 3 to play with for the duration. We are hoping to eventually gather enough data to reverse-engineer gateship systems. We need you as pilot."

John was distracted from answering right away by Miko returning and thrusting a napkin wrapped donut into his free hand. "It is strawberry," she said, bowing slightly at him.

"Uh, thank you," John replied awkwardly as he edged away from her and slightly behind the protective bulk of Rod. "I'll uh, I'll eat it later."

Miko smiled and bowed at him again before moving back to her lab bench. John breathed a sigh of relief as she left. He then shot a wary glance at Rod who returned the look with a sympathetic smile. John frowned and said, "You can't find another pilot? I have work of my own to do." He wanted to fly the gateship, a lot. But he wasn't sure he could trust himself to be in an enclosed space with Rod for any extended period of time if he had to go out with him instead of Zelenka. He didn't want to give Rod any more opportunities to try and nag him back onto the team, and for John that meant he needed to be as out of sight, out of mind as possible.

"No," replied Radek. "Colonel Lorne can't spare any of his men and he is too busy at the moment. It will not take up too much of your time, Sheppard. Only an hour or two every day until we are finished."

John thought about it with longing. He'd get to fly up to two hours _every day_. With him being off the team, opportunities to fly would be coming few and far between. An hour or two might not be so bad. Especially if Rod was busy working on diagnostics and readings. He caught Rod looking at him with a hopeful puppy face and John finally crumbled and gave in to the inevitable. He nodded and said, "Okay, I'll do it."

"That's great, Sheppard! I'll meet you at the gateship bay at 1100," Rod said with a smile and a bounce as he patted John on the bicep and then sauntering off with Radek, both of them talking at light speed about their latest ideas on the ZPM project they had going.

John went into his office, shut the door and slumped tiredly into his seat. God, he hoped that he hadn't just made a huge mistake in agreeing to fly for them.

***

Rod stood on the ramp of Gateship 3 waiting impatiently for John. When the man finally showed up 20 minutes late, Rod took one look at him and decided that John was a wild horse today. Twitching at the least little thing and ready to run. John came haltingly up the ramp with his equipment and jumped as Rod laid a companionable hand on his shoulder. "Today we're going to do high atmospheric testing," Rod told him as he guided him to the pilot's seat.

John blinked at him owlishly. "Okay." He then shivered out of Rod's grasp and sat in the pilot's chair, face carefully blank as he shut the gateship door and ran preflight checks. Rod sighed. This wooing thing was going to be damn difficult if John didn't calm down. Rod sat in the co-pilot's chair next to him and watched John's hands dance gracefully over the board. Once he was done with the preflight check, John tapped his radio with a long finger and said, "Gateship 3 to Control room. We are ready to head out for testing."

Sgt. Campbell's voice came back with, "Control room to Gateship 3, you are clear to go. Opening bay door."

The Gateship rose gracefully and headed toward the bay door in the ceiling. Rod always marveled at how good John was at this, for not being a trained pilot. Although perhaps he shouldn't, really. After all, the man had apparently every flight simulator game on his personal computer that had ever been made. Rod had checked. Not a single blow-things-up game in the bunch, not unless there were virtual wings or rotors heavily involved. But the man had flat refused to watch 'Top Gun' on movie night that one time, much to Rod's disappointment. He'd done a lot of trading for that movie, thinking that John would love to see it. Rod sighed at the memory. That was a night John had gone all cold and silent and stony, marching wordlessly out of the room while the rest of them sat there, stunned at his obstinacy.

"How high up do you want to be for the testing, Rod?" John asked evenly as he guided the gateship into the upper atmosphere.

"The upper stratosphere ought to do for now," Rod replied as he shook himself out of his thoughts and opened up his laptop.

Silence reigned for a while as John flew and Rod pulled data. Occasionally, Rod looked over at John, but uncharacteristically, John's face remained tense and closed off instead of relaxing into his usual serene and happy flying face. Finally Rod had had enough. Closing his laptop, he turned to face John and said, "Sheppard, I'm not here right now to try and convince you to come back to the team, so would you please just relax?"

John jerked at the sound of his name, then shot a guarded look at Rod.

Rod rubbed a hand over his face in frustration. "Seriously, John," he continued. "Stop being so twitchy and just enjoy the flying, all right?"

John rolled his shoulders and Rod saw the tension in them relax just a fraction, but John's face remained carefully blank. "Okay," John replied noncommittally.

Rod sighed quietly and pulled the feed to the main console from his laptop and took it to the back where he connected them to the crystal banks overhead. He could monitor the data from here almost as easily and maybe John might loosen the hell up if left alone for a little while. Rod snorted to himself. Yeah, it was going to be a _breeze_ wooing a guy that wouldn't ever relax in his presence.

They flew on in uncomfortable silence for perhaps an hour before John said, "It's lunchtime. Guess it's time to head back."

Rod looked up from his laptop and over to the pack he'd left in the back. "No need. Just park it in geosynchronous orbit over Atlantis. I brought lunch for us both. I'll download the data I've collected to Radek while we eat."

John looked surprised and a little worried. "Oh. Okay," he replied as Rod held in yet another sigh. Things were so not looking good in the wooing department. Rod waited until John set the autopilot and then grabbed the pack and started setting things out while John dithered with the controls up front. After he'd pulled stuff out, Rod gave John an exasperated look. "You want to eat or not, John?"

John shot him a quick look then replied, "I figured you'd just toss me a sandwich."

Rod looked at the thermos in his hand. "Well I could, but I don't think you'd be happy if I tossed a cupful of soup at you. Come on back, John. Stretch your legs a bit."

"Soup?" John said curiously as he got up. Rod opened up the thermos and John sniffed the air. "Is that Teyla's tuttleroot soup?"

Thank you Teyla, thought Rod fervently. "Yeah. I managed to wheedle a thermos full off of her." John's love of the stuff was legendary with the team. Rod didn't care for it that much himself, but this was wooing he was doing, and all was fair in love and war.

John came over with more enthusiasm now that there was soup in the offering and sat down next to Rod on the bench. Rod handed him a cupful of soup and John took it eagerly. Rod watched as John closed his eyes and took a deep, appreciative sniff before bringing it to his lips to take a sip. He hummed in delight and relaxed for the first time since they'd gotten in the gateship. "Mmmm, that's good," John murmured.

Rod unwrapped a sandwich and chewed on it while he watched John eat his soup. The faces of bliss he made after each sip amused Rod to no end. He thought if he could only keep John in a constant supply of Teyla's tuttleroot soup and gateships the man might finally mellow out and be happy.

John sipped the last of his soup and put the cup aside with a satisfied sigh, before picking up one of the sandwiches. "Ham?" he asked. "Or that weird buffalo thing from MX5-928?"

Rod shook his head. "Turkey. Colonel Carter left us a fresh shipment before heading back to Earth."

John's eyes lit up and he quickly unwrapped the sandwich and took a generous bite. ""S good," he managed to mumble around his mouthful.

Rod smiled softly and unwrapped a second sandwich. They ate in a more companionable silence for a while, and after Rod finished his sandwich he held up the thermos. "I'm not as hungry as I thought I was. How about you take my portion of soup?"

John eyed the thermos longingly. "You serious?"

"Yeah," Rod replied. "Besides, I want to save some room for dessert."

"There's dessert too?" John asked as Rod poured the remaining soup out into the cup John was holding out eagerly.

"Mmhm," Rod replied.

"Well, what is it?" John asked before he sipped his soup reverently.

Rod laughed. "Finish your soup, then you'll find out."

John made a face at him, then savored his soup with intent. Rod felt tension oozing out of his body. This was more like it. John was finally relaxed and seemed to be in a fairly good mood at this point. Rod sat back and watched as John ate his soup.

As John sucked down the last stray molecules of soup, Rod went back into the pack and pulled out dessert. John set down his cup and watched curiously as Rod opened up the container. "Is that vanilla pound cake?" John asked.

Rod grinned. "Got it in one." He held up another small container. "With bourbon sauce."

John's eyes got big. "Oh wow. I love that stuff."

"I'll have to pour extra on yours then," Rod said as he divided up the pound cake into two separate disposable bowls and poured sauce over them. He made sure to give John a double helping of the sauce and then handed the bowl over to John along with a spoon.

John took both and eagerly spooned up a sauce-soaked portion of cake into his mouth and chewed slowly with his eyes closed. "Mmmmmm," John hummed. "I haven't had this in forever."

"Well, then, stop living off of coffee, junk food and the occasional powerbar and come to dinner once and a while," Rod chided very gently. "Glad you came back here for lunch, now?"

John wiped sauce from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand and nodded while he licked the sauce from his hand. "Uh-huh. This is the best meal I've had in a while." He dug his spoon back into the bowl and ate another mouthful, catching a drip on the bottom of his lip with a lick of the tip of his tongue.

Rod wondered how he was going to get through the rest of the testing. Watching John eat was having a rather pornographic effect on him. If he'd dared, he would have liked to pour sauce all over John and lick it off until neither of them could see straight, but it didn't seem to be a good idea to do that just yet. Rod shifted to try and ease the constrained feeling in his pants and moved his attention to his own piece of cake. It was pretty good, after all.

John's mood continued to hold good after dessert as they packed away the remnants of their meal. "Would you mind if I joined you up front and did some more data collection from there?" Rod asked, hoping that John would stay relaxed enough from lunch to act more normal now.

John froze for a second, then shrugged. "If you want," he said, and walked off to the front of the ship.

Rod closed his eyes briefly in weariness. So much for John's good mood. He unhooked his laptop from the crystal array and joined John up front. He reconnected his laptop to the console and sat with his shoulders slumped, looking listlessly at data.

He was so encompassed in his funk about John clamming up on him again that he jumped when John cleared his throat and said, "Um...thanks for lunch."

Rod looked over at John. His face was flushed as he stared down at the controls, one hand fiddled idly with a button. "You're welcome. I'm glad you liked it," Rod replied quietly.

John ran a finger over the console board with over elaborate casualness. "I kinda had to. It had all my favorites."

This time it was Rod's turn to flush. Maybe he'd gone a little over the top with lunch. "Yeah, well..." he faltered. "I'm sorry. For leaving and stuff."

John nodded in acknowledgment that he'd heard Rod then fiddled some more with the controls. After a period of silence he said, "Don't do that again."

"I won't," Rod swore solemnly. However much fun and excitement it had been to cross over and experience a different universe, it wasn't worth coming home to John being unhappy and weird. "I'll take you with me next time."

John snorted, but relaxed a bit more into his seat. "As if."

Rod relaxed back into his seat with a smile. The rest of the testing flight went smoothly, and if they didn't talk much, at least John's happy flying face was there.

***

A several days later Teyla sat down next to Ronon during lunch with a huff. "If Rod asks me for another container of tuttleroot soup I will take my bantos rods and beat him in his sleep, adopted of my people or not."

Ronon raised an eyebrow and set down his drink. "Why?"

"He does not know what an exacting process it is to produce it. It is not as if I can make it in a few moments of my spare time," Teyla grated out.

"Do you know why he keeps asking for it?" Ronon replied as he picked up a piece of fruit and bit into it.

Teyla picked at her lunch with a fork and sighed. "He is feeding it to Sheppard. He has been packing it in lunches that he has been taking along while they are conducting gateship testing. I have given him several containers, but I am out of the supplies I require to make more."

"You want Sheppard back too, don't you?" Ronon said.

Teyla grimaced. "Yes. I had become accustomed to his ways."

"Ever tell Sheppard that?" Ronon said casually.

Teyla glared at him. "No. Why would I?"

"He might need to know that you don't hate his ass. Might make him more likely come back," Ronon replied. "Unless you _want_ to go out with another botanist on the team." He shoved a roll into his mouth.

Teyla looked at him in consideration. "He has always given the appearance that he does not care what others think of him."

Ronon swallowed and took a swig of his drink before saying with a tilt of his eyebrow, "Maybe because he's never had anybody give a damn about him before."

Teyla thought for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I will consider what you say."

"Do that," Ronon replied, then stuffed the rest of his sandwich in his mouth and washed it down with his drink. "I've got a solution for the soup issue."

Teyla raised an eyebrow. "Do you?"

"Yeah," Ronon replied casually. "Make Rod cook it."

***

WHAP!

"Ow!" Rod cried, shaking his hand. "What'd you do that for?"

"You have not diced the root small enough," Teyla replied implacably as she folded the spoon-laden hand back to her chest. "Those pieces are not going to cook properly in the broth and the texture will be poor."

"You couldn't have just told me that?" Rod asked as he rubbed his sore hand. Teyla always packed a wallop, whether it was with bantos rods or cooking spoons. This was the fourth time she'd slapped him with that thing today, so he ought to know.

"You were going to put them into the broth. I had to stop you before you ruined it. You would have had to start over from the beginning again if I had not," Teyla remonstrated, looking grim.

The look scared Rod just a little. He'd had no _idea_ that Teyla was the Pegasus version of the Soup Nazi when he'd agreed to learn how to cook the stuff for himself. "I think you just like hitting me with that spoon," Rod muttered under his breath.

Teyla raise an imperious eyebrow. "Finish chopping those properly," she said icily.

"Yes, ma'am," Rod said meekly, picking the knife back up. If the soup didn't work so well towards making John a happier camper he'd have made his excuses and walked out at this point. He was no kind of chef and he knew it. Jeannie always threw him out of the kitchen every time he tried to help and with good reason, too. He sighed and started back in on the roots.

Teyla watched him chop with an expressionless face. Finally, when Rod thought that his arm would drop off from chopping he heard her say, "Halt. That is the consistency that the root must be in before you put it in the broth."

Rod looked at the pile of root bits. "Teyla, have I ever told you about the wonder that is a Cuisineart food processor?"

"No, you have not," Teyla said. Rod noted that with the mere addition of horns, she could pass as a minion of Heck from the Dilbert cartoons.

"Well, remind me to order one for you next Daedelus run," Rod replied as he tried to work the cramp out of his knife hand. "It'll make cooking this a whole lot easier, trust me."

Teyla thwapped him lightly on the shoulder with the spoon. "That is considerate of you, Rod. Now put the roots in the broth before they turn green. Stale cut root turns the soup murky."

He sighed, "Yes, ma'am," picked up the cutting board and slid the roots into the simmering broth.

She held out another spoon. "Now you must stir till the root has cooked and dissolved into the broth and thickened it."

Rod gingerly took the spoon from her hand, dipped it into the soup and started stirring. "How long does this bit take?" he asked resignedly. With his luck on this particular endeavor, he'd be stirring all night.

"Approximately 30 minutes by your watch," she replied. "I timed it the last time I made it for you."

"Oh. Thanks," Rod replied as he diligently stirred. He'd had enough of Teyla's Spoon of Death and was hopeful that this was the last step to making this stuff. "Is this the last thing we'll need to do?"

Teyla stared at him coolly and replied. "Yes, it is fit for consumption once the root is dissolved. A rest overnight and reheating to a boil the next day improves the flavor, however."

"Good," Rod said, trying to look enthusiastic as he continued to stir. "That will make it even better for lunch tomorrow, then."

Teyla set down her spoon and gave him a serious look. "How are you doing in convincing Sheppard to come back to the team?"

Oh fuck. Eyeing the spoon she'd set down, Rod said, "I haven't approached him about that."

Teyla frowned, then said, "I do not understand. Why are you feeding him tuttleroot soup if you are not attempting to get him back on the team?"

"Erm, it's complicated," Rod said as he focused on the pot.

"We have time," Teyla said evenly, folding her arms over her chest. "I would like to know why I have been cooking my fingers to the bone, if not in order to get Sheppard back where he belongs."

Uh-oh. Rod knew that tone. "Um...uh, well, Radek had noticed some things and suggested that I, ah, I..."

Teyla picked the spoon back up and waved it threateningly at him.

"RadeksaidthatIshouldcourthim!" Rod squeaked, ducking out of the way.

Teyla dropped her spoon and gave him an astonished look. "Court him?"

Rod ducked his head and stirred the soup with a will. "Yes. With hearts, chocolates and flowers or the local Pegasus equivalents thereof, seeing as how chocolate is kind of scarce around here and he's not that big a fan of it anyway."

"Radek told you to court Dr. Sheppard," Teyla said carefully.

"Really, really obviously. So obviously that Sheppard couldn't miss it," Rod said miserably. He blamed Jeannie for this. He could never stand firm before feminine wrath.

"Oh," Teyla replied, nonplussed. She looked at him curiously. "Has he noticed yet?"

Rod gave a small shrug. "I have no idea." He switched from stirring clockwise to stirring counter-clockwise. "I mean, he's talking to me again, but I don't know if he's picked up on any...um, any interest on my part or not."

"Have you two shared any intimacies? Kissed?" Teyla asked.

"No," Rod replied with a sigh.

"Then Sheppard has not noticed," Teyla replied. She gave him a determined look. "If you are truly courting him, you must be more obvious tomorrow."

"And do what?" Rod complained. "I've finagled daily gateship flights, I bring the man tuttleroot soup for lunch, which I am now _cooking myself_," he said as he gave the pot a rattling stir, "plus all the rest of his favorite foods, what else do I need to do to make it obvious?"

"Slam him up against a wall and kiss him," Teyla replied. "He would not miss that."

Rod stopped stirring and gaped at her. "I, I can't do _that_! That, that's _rude_!"

Teyla picked her spoon back up and hit him on the arm, hard. "Keep stirring!"

"Ow!" Rod exclaimed, and quickly resumed stirring. "Stirring, I'm stirring, watch me stir, sheesh!"

"This _is_ Sheppard we are speaking of," Teyla said archly. "You will have to do _something_ physical if you are firm in your resolve to court him."

Rod closed his eyes and sighed. Just what he needed. Romantic advice that basically said, drag John off to a cave by his hair and ravish him. And the awful thing was, Teyla was probably right.

***

The next day John sat in the pilot's seat, puzzled and a little weirded out. Rod had been acting strange for the last several days. He kept plying John with his favorite foods during their test flights even after John had already accepted his apology. That was odd. And then he'd done another odd thing this morning. He'd shown up at John's office with a huge mug of his precious Horton's coffee and a bagel coated with that strange looking, but pretty delicious purplish cheese from M5W-094 which he then proceeded to foist onto John. Quite frankly Rod was starting to channel Miko with her obsession for feeding him, and John was entirely unsure as to how to deal with it. It was getting on lunchtime now, and John was getting kind of antsy, wondering what Rod would do today. If Rod started to stare at him the way Miko did, John swore to himself that he was going to haul Rod's ass to the infirmary.

Rod had chosen to set up in the back of the gateship to gather flight data today, so John had to turn around to look at him. "Lunch?" he asked, bracing himself for whatever might happen next.

Rod looked up from his laptop. "Already?" He checked his watch. "Eh, it's a little early yet." He then looked at John quizzically. "But, if you're hungry, we can certainly stop and take a break now."

John wet his lips uncertainly. Rod seemed to be acting normal, but there was something just out of John's kenning that kept pinging on his nerves. "Uh, sounds good. I could use a break," he lied as he parked the ship in orbit.

Rod put away his laptop and pulled out the pack that contained lunch. John came over and sat down next to Rod as Rod pulled out the thermos. Rod looked at it with uncharacteristic nervousness, then looked up at John. "I hope you like the soup today," he said uncertainly as he unscrewed the top.

John's nerves pinged again. "I always like Teyla's soup," he replied, wondering what the hell was up. Teyla's soup was always superb, unlike her singing. Why wouldn't he like it?

Rod poured the soup into a cup and handed it to John. "Oh, this isn't Teyla's soup. I mean, it is tuttleroot soup, but I made it," he said rather diffidently.

John blinked. Rod had made a batch of tuttleroot soup? The same Rod that always wound up burning his marshmallows over the campfire despite his best efforts? John took the cup and sniffed at it carefully. It smelled right. He took a small sip. It tasted fine too. "Uh, tastes good, Rod," John said, feeling confused. "Um, if you don't mind my asking...uh, why did you make tuttleroot soup? I mean...you know I've accepted your apology, don't you?"

Rod nodded. "Yes, I know. I just wanted to learn how to make it because you like it." He shrugged nonchalantly.

"You learned how to make tuttleroot soup just because I like it?" John asked, floundering.

Rod shrugged again and looked away. "Yes. Although I'm getting a food processor before I make it again. You wouldn't believe how finely you have to chop those roots."

This was really weirding John out. "Did you and Miko touch one of those unidentified Ancient things at the same time recently?" he asked carefully.

Rod looked up from this sandwich quizzically. "Hm? Um no, why do you ask?"

John eyed him suspiciously. "Just checking." He needed to go check the Botany labs as soon as they landed. That idiot Parrish had probably brought back a sample that was shedding some kind of freaky mind control pollen or something again.

Rod blinked at him. "Okay." He went back to his sandwich looking a little puzzled.

After the flight, John stormed over to the Botany department and had an entirely unsatisfactory discussion with Parrish.

Parrish blinked at him. "Mind control pollen? Dr. Sheppard, are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," he snapped. "Dr. McKay is acting weird though. Are you _positive_ that there are no plants here shedding psychotropic substances into the environmental system?"

"No, we got rid of that one. Dr. Weir checked on us to make sure weeks ago," Parrish replied, still confused. "Are you sure you're okay? I mean, you're being, I dunno, almost polite here."

John threw up his hands and stalked back to his office. So much for that theory. He flopped into his chair with ill grace and ordered Atlantis to keep the door shut until he told her otherwise. He had no idea what was up with Rod. With a sigh, he pulled over his laptop containing his latest project data. At least now he was getting a lot of work done, he thought, trying to comfort himself with something that he did understand.

***

"I don't think it's working, Radek," Rod complained, flopping down onto Radek's sofa that evening, glass of moonshine in hand.

Radek wondered exactly when he'd become Rod's therapist. Perhaps Dr. Heightmeyer might be more popular if she provided alcohol during her sessions, he thought philosophically. Maybe he would suggest it to her. "Why do you say that, Rod?' Radek asked as he sat back. He hoped that this didn't devolve into another drinking binge for Rod. A drunken Rod splayed out unconscious on his floor once was enough, thank you very much.

"He's not relaxing," Rod whined. "He's starting to act all suspicious and he went down to the Botany department today to harass Parrish about weird shit like mind control plants taking me over."

Radek perked up. "Well, that's a step in the right direction."

Rod stared at him. "What? Radek, what the hell are you talking about?"

"He is starting to act more like himself," Radek pointed out. "It has been weeks since he last harassed Parrish about plants."

"Huh. You're right," Rod replied absently. Then his eyes sharpened. "But that's not the point, Radek. I'm supposed to be courting him. How the hell can I court someone who's stiffens up every time I get close?"

"You could offer him a drink," Radek opined. "He does drink, doesn't he?"

Rod took a sip from his glass and grimaced. "Not this stuff he doesn't. He's probably more a wine drinker, I think."

"Oh," Radek considered the problem. "Thinking back, it seems to me that he has always been stiff around people. I do not think it is just you."

Rod sighed and slumped further into the sofa. "I just don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with him, Radek."

Radek raised a mocking eyebrow. "Why? Just because he hasn't leaped into bed with you at the first show of interest on your part?" He made a scoffing noise. "You have had it too easy."

Rod rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on. I am not the Casanova everyone makes me out to be."

"You slept with Allina to secure a ZPM for Atlantis. By definition that makes you, what is the word...easy?" Radek replied.

"Oh god. Radek, that was a special case and you know it," Rod argued back with wave of his hand. "And nobody in the expedition would have even known if John hadn't harped on it for _months_ afterwards."

"Maybe he was jealous that you slept with her instead of him," Radek teased with a quirk of a smile.

"Well maybe if he'd given off some clear signals that he wanted to get laid back then, I would have!" Rod snarled, missing the humor. Radek lifted a hand to ward off Rod's anger and Rod huffed out a sigh. "Sorry Radek. It's just...he's hard work, you know? He's hard to get to know, he makes it hard for most people to like him, and it's hard to get inside his personal space and not have him flip out." He ruffled his hair with one hand, grimacing a little. "I don't know if I have the patience for this. He's twitchy as all get out and it's frustrating the hell out of me." He took a drink out of his glass and sighed. "At least he's forgiven me for leaving. I don't know, maybe that's as good as it will get and I should just let it go. Start dating somebody in Linguistics. Find someone else to put on the team."

Radek leaned forward and looked at Rod levelly. "Do you really want that?"

"No," Rod replied wearily. "No, I don't. I want him, Radek. A lot. I'm just not sure what to do."

"Learn to be patient, my friend," Radek stated as he squeezed Rod's shoulder. Rod was obviously unused to anyone not falling immediately for his easygoing personality and wooing the notoriously prickly and dense Dr. Sheppard was something of a shock to his system. "Think of Sheppard as a small squirrel. He can be trained to take nut from fingers but it will take time and patience."

"Well, he's certainly squirrelly." Rod half chuckled, half groaned. He sighed and took another sip of homebrew. "I'm sure you're starting to think I'm crazy because of all this stuff with Sheppard."

Radek squeezed Rod's shoulder one last time and let go. He said consolingly, "I blame it all on Sheppard. He is crazymaker of the Atlantis expedition. Also brilliant mathematician and engineer, a decent administrator when he took over my department so I could take over for you after Colonel Sumner and Lieutenant Ford died, best ATA gene carrier we have, and not bad looking if you are into that sort of thing." Radek shrugged. "Is easy to see where you would find his good points attractive for your team and also personally."

Rod sighed again. "I just wish he'd see mine and the team's good points."

"He will, Rod. Give him time," Radek replied. "Sheppard eventually succumbed enough to your charms once already when he joined your team the first time. It will happen again."

***

The next morning Teyla mentally girded herself and rang the door chime. She was not looking forward to this but it had to be done. Ronon was correct and she had put this off long enough. The door opened and John blinked sleepily at her, his face looking oddly unguarded without the glasses she was used to seeing him with. "May I come in?"

John blinked at her again. "Teyla?"

Teyla reined in her first impulse to mock him and simply said, "Yes, it is I. May I come in?"

John rubbed his eyes and squinted at her. "What time is it?"

Teyla repressed a sigh. She had forgotten that he was not at his most coherent in the mornings, especially before partaking in the Earth ritual morning beverage. "It is 0730. I regret waking you Dr. Sheppard, but _may I come in_?"

The steely tone she ended on apparently woke him up a little because he straightened up nervously and shuffled away from the doorway enough that she was able to enter. The bed was obviously recently vacated and the room was still almost obsessively clean. Teyla wondered exactly how much time John was spending in his room now that he was no longer regularly running the length of Atlantis and leaving behind a wake of annoyed people. She looked at him sharply and noticed shadows under his eyes and a steadfast refusal to meet her eyes. It was disconcerting. Prior to his abrupt change in behavior, he'd always held her gaze stubbornly when they'd interacted, usually as they subtly insulted each other. She'd rather feed herself to the Wraith than admit it, but she missed his particular brand of insolence and the memory of that Ancestors be damned botanist firmed her resolve further. She sat at his desk. "I regret intruding in on you at such an early hour, but our schedules no longer match very well and I wished greatly to speak with you."

John drifted slowly away from the door and he sat down on the edge of his bed, ignoring his glasses on the bedside table. "I'm not coming back to the team," he said stubbornly as he looked over her shoulder, but he said it without his usual acidity. He sounded beaten and resigned, a tone she had never heard from him before. It made her uneasy. "I'm sure that you'll eventually find somebody better to replace me."

Teyla took a deep breath and steeled herself. "Dr. Sheppard, please hear me out first." She found herself picking at the edge of her jacket and ruthlessly suppressed the motion. "It has come to my attention that I find other scientists that wish to be on a gate team even more aggravating than you. So, if my attitude toward you is what caused you to leave, I ask you now to reconsider."

John looked at her directly for the first time, his shuttered expression cracking just slightly to show confusion within. "Um...Teyla?"

"I find that I had become accustomed to you and that I...miss you." She crossed her arms defensively. She was profoundly uncomfortable with such obvious admissions as this, but she was afraid that John would not understand if she did not spell it out for him in broad terms. "I would...like it if you came back."

John sat there with his mouth slightly agape for a moment, then he closed it and swallowed hard. "Teyla, I..."

"Please," she interrupted. One hand came up to rub her lip nervously and she forced herself to lower it back into her lap. "If my attitude made you feel unwelcome, I apologize. Please come back to the team. I miss you."

John's face wavered oddly and he looked down and away from her for a long moment. "It wasn't you, Teyla," he finally said roughly, still looking away. "It's not your fault."

"I still apologize," Teyla said stubbornly. She had to make sure he understood. "I have not been very pleasant toward you. Perhaps if I had extended more tolerance toward you, things would have been different." She stopped for a moment, then continued, "I want things to be different between us. You...you have become something of a fixture in my life. Please, Dr. Sheppard. Come back to the team. I will try to be more understanding of your moods."

He stared down at his hands as he played with the hem of his t-shirt. "I'm not pleasant to be around. I'm...kind of...mean. And...geeky."

"And bitter towards Colonel Lorne, yes," Teyla agreed. "I understand. I still wish for you to come back to the team. Ronon misses you. I miss you. Rod pretends quite poorly that he does not miss you." She made a face. "The botanist was distasteful and if I am forced to go out with another such as her, I will not be held responsible for what I do."

John toyed with his t-shirt hem in silence. The quiet stretched between them for quite a while before he dropped his hands into his lap and said quietly, "Okay."

Teyla's body lost all the tension she'd been carrying when she heard his answer. "You will come back?" she asked to confirm what she'd hoped she'd heard.

"Yes," he replied in a soft tone, still staring down at his hands.

"Thank you," she said, sending a silent prayer of thanks to the Ancestors and vowing to be as nice to him as she could manage. He was her team member and she did not want to have to break in another one.

"Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?" he asked, still not looking at her.

She regarded him for a moment. Maybe she could give Rod's courting a little shove in the right direction if she said a few discrete things. "How are things with you and Rod? He has been requesting much of my soup for lunches as of late and I know that he does not care for it as much as you do."

John gave her an uncertain and slightly exasperated look. "What is up with people trying to feed me? He's starting to act like Miko."

She tilted her head to one side. Did he not understand the most basic acts of an attempted courtship? "You do not like people offering you your favorite foods?"

John shrugged unhelpfully. "The food's fine. I just don't understand why they keep feeding me." He looked down at his stomach. "It's like they think I'm too thin or something."

Teyla blinked. Maybe he was truly unaware of courtship behavior. "Why would people regard you as too thin?"

John shrugged with one shoulder. "They did when I was little. I...didn't want to eat much for a while and people were always trying to force food on me."

Teyla was distracted by this tidbit of John's early life. Unlike Rod, he never discussed his childhood or family. "You did not want to eat when you were young?"

"For a while," John replied. "I don't know why they made a such a big deal out of it."

"I am sure that your parents simply wished to make sure you were properly nourished," Teyla replied. It was not uncommon for first time parents to be overprotective of their first child.

John's face went utterly blank. "It wasn't my parents."

Teyla was unsure exactly what he meant by that, but she knew with complete assuredness that this was a subject that John would not discuss any further by the shuttered look on his face. "I do not believe that Rod thinks that you are too thin," she replied, backing up in the conversation. "He is merely attempting to please you. That is why I asked how things were between the two of you."

"I've forgiven him for cheating in the coin toss and going to that other universe already," John replied shortly. He picked at the hem of his t-shirt again. "I wish he'd stop feeding me. I don't know what to do."

Teyla raised an eyebrow. This she could address. "Simple. Let him continue to feed you. I taught him how to make tuttleroot soup and I do not want my time to have been wasted."

John squinted up at her from his slightly lower vantage point on the bed. "Just...let him?"

Teyla nodded decisively. "Yes. Stop thinking so much about whether you have to do anything about it. Just let him feed you." She paused for a moment, then continued, trying to give the man a clue, "It is Rod's way of showing that he cares."

John looked so lost at that moment that Teyla felt the momentary urge to comfort him in some way. This Dr. Sheppard, stripped of his biting acidity was something entirely unexpected and she now understood why he kept people at such a distance with his attitude. Someone that lost and broken was painfully vulnerable. Unable to cope with looking at such bald emotional openness, she got up, picked up his glasses from his side table and slid them onto his face to provide him with at least a thin layer between himself and the world. As he blinked up at her, she added, more kindly than she'd thought she was capable of, "And if you wish to return some of that care, you may wish to consider feeding him as well."

John blinked slowly up at her, then replied quietly, "Okay."

Wanting to push past the emotional discomfort that the conversation had inspired, she then reached over and handed him his laptop, saying firmly, "Now write a missive to Dr. Weir informing her that you are retracting your resignation from the team so that I will not be forced to feed some wretched excuse of a scientist to the Wraith. Dr. Weir would be most upset with me if I did so."

John dropped his gaze and took the proffered laptop, quickly tapping out and sending a note to Dr. Weir. Teyla nodded in satisfaction and went to leave when John stopped her short with a quietly uttered, "Teyla? I'm sorry. I was only trying to do right by the team."

Teyla turned to look at him for a long moment, then nodded her acceptance of his apology. "Next time you feel the urge to do so, discuss it with us first. If you do not, I pledge that I will beat you senseless with my rods." John gulped at the threat and nodded. She quirked her mouth up at the corners slightly, pleased that he understood that she had made no idle threat. She then softened her expression. She really did not want to antagonize him with threats now that she had just gotten him back on the team. "We will look forward to having you with us again," she said sincerely, then turned and left.

***

Later that morning Rod stood at the hatch of the gateship, waiting for John to show up. He checked the pack containing their lunches again, making absolutely sure he had everything. If he was going to woo someone who was squirrelly he had to make sure he had enough nuts on hand. With himself hopefully being the prize nut, he thought wryly.

John walked into the gateship bay, clutching his laptop and mug of coffee, and came over to meet Rod by the hatch. "Good morning," he said quietly.

"Morning John," Rod replied. "Ready to fly?" He made a grand sweeping gesture to the cockpit. "I figure today we can do some data collection while you do some fancy flying." He rolled a hand, mimicking the ship in flight. "Evasive maneuvers and such." Rod really hoped that John would go for this. He knew how much John not-so-secretly enjoyed zipping around doing loop-de-loops and other death-defying stunts in the gateships. He was just a big happy kid when he got to do that and Rod prayed that he wouldn't get the by now familiar suspicious, squinty look now that he'd mentioned it.

Fortune seemed to smile on Rod as John's eyes lit up behind his glasses. "Okay." He then shyly pressed the mug of coffee into Rod's hands. "Um, that's for you. I'd heard you were stuck in a meeting with Colonel Lorne this morning and his coffee sucks."

Lorne's coffee sucked because John had screwed with the man's coffee maker after an arguing with him one too many times, Rod thought absently as he accepted the mug. That was beside the point however, as he suddenly realized that John had _given him coffee_. "Oh, uh, thank you." He took a sip of the dark brew and was pleasantly shocked to find that John had put enough sugar in to give it the syrupy consistency that Rod preferred. Putting an excessive amount of sugar in his coffee had gotten Rod through several advanced degrees and any number of emergencies at SGC and he'd grown to prefer it over time. Several people over the years had tried to make a cup of coffee for him and nobody had ever gotten the amount of sugar right because they couldn't believe that he actually put that much in, even when he swore that he was telling them the truth. "It's perfect!" he said with a smile to John.

John looked down and flushed slightly. "You're welcome," he murmured and then made his way to the cockpit of the gateship and started the preflight.

Feeling strangely elated, Rod followed after him, clutching his drink close to him. After they were airborne, the testing proved to go phenomenally well, too. John put the gateship through its paces, doing things with the ship that would make a professional stunt pilot turn pale, looking slightly wild-eyed and giddy. Rod savored John's glee and idly wondered if he looked as wild during sex as well. He was so caught up in watching John fly that he occasionally forgot to check the diagnostics during some of the wilder maneuvers. Rod almost didn't want it to end, but eventually his stomach started growling and he reluctantly decided that it was time to break for lunch.

"Hey, John, how about you park the ship in orbit while I get our lunches?" he asked, hoping that John wouldn't tense up too badly in response.

To his relief, John's body language remained loose and he replied tentatively but without suspicion, "Okay."

Rod got up and went to the back of the ship, sat on a bench and pulled out their lunches. Fortunately, the vat of tuttleroot soup he'd made would last him for several days, so he had a thermos full of that. He also pulled out two containers of a meat and noodle dish that they'd picked up the recipe for from their trading with the Midarians that tasted kind of like Swedish meatballs, only better. He decided to leave the dessert in the pack until later.

He turned to call John to lunch and jumped slightly when he found John standing next to him. This was unusual, Rod thought, blinking up at John. He'd been expecting to have to wheedle John into coming back to eat like he'd had to the last few times. "What's for lunch today?" John asked quietly.

Rod handed over a cup of soup and replied automatically, "Midarian Swedish meatballs and tuttleroot soup," as his brain tried desperately to figure out why John was suddenly being so amenable today.

John smiled shyly and took the container out of Rod's hand. "Sounds pretty good," he said as he sat down next to Rod, brushing his knee briefly against Rod's.

Rod felt a little dizzy. This sudden change in John's attitude had him baffled and kind of confused. It was like catching a glimpse again of the other universe's Colonel Sheppard except shyer and more genuine. "I'm glad you find it appealing."

They sat in silence for a while as they drank their cups of soup. Rod watched as John tilted the cup to get the last bit of soup and then lick his lips. John caught his look, blushed and shrugged. "You make good soup."

Rod mentally thanked Teyla for her iron-fisted instruction. "Thanks. Here's your meatballs and noodles." He held out another container to John who took it from him, his fingers brushing Rod's slightly and making Rod's blood fizz just a bit.

John opened the container and sniffed at the food appreciatively. "Smells good." He plucked the fork Rod held up out of his hand, and dug in. "Tastes good, too." he mumbled thickly around a half-chewed mouthful.

Rod beamed a brief, confused smile at him and dug into his own food. A companionable silence descended between them again as they turned their attention to the excellent food. Rod wasn't sure what was up with John today, but he hoped to god that it continued. Feeling greatly daring, he shifted a little closer to John on the bench so that their legs were touching and did an internal victory dance when John didn't move away.

As Rod finished his food, John set down his empty container and reached for his own backpack. He dug around in it for a moment, then Rod's eyes widened as he pulled out two Lindt dark chocolate candy bars. "Um," John began, fiddling with the bars in his hands and not looking at Rod, "I thought I might bring desert today." He held out a bar towards Rod. "Here."

Rod slowly took the bar from John, feeling a little light-headed. Candy bars like these were worth some serious money in Atlantis' barter system. "Lindt. Wow, thanks, John."

John shrugged, still avoiding looking at Rod and bent over his bar, intently peeling the foil open. "You're welcome."

Rod peeled open the bar and bit into it while his brain went into overdrive, adding things up. Coffee made exactly the way he liked it. Lack of suspicious looks. Serious chocolate. Could John possibly be returning his overtures, finally? Testing his theory, Rod shifted even closer to John and pressed up against his side. John flushed and went still. "Rod," he said hesitantly, "I...Teyla said that you guys miss me. Is that true?"

Rod blinked, derailed by what John said. _Teyla_ had told John that she missed him? His mind boggled just a bit. "Yeah, we do," Rod replied softly, opting to set aside the question of Teyla's odd behavior for now. "It's not the same without you."

John set his candy bar down, laced his hands together and stared at them. "She convinced me to write an email to Dr. Weir retracting my resignation from the team. If...if you'll have me back."

Rod dropped his candy bar on the seat and grabbed John by both shoulders. "Of course I want you back! I never wanted you to leave the team in the first place!"

John looked at him with a serious expression. "Are you sure you don't want someone...better? I mean, you didn't keep nagging me to come back, so I thought maybe..."

"Jesus, John," Rod replied with exasperation, as he released one of John's shoulders and ran a hand through his hair. "No, I don't want somebody 'better'. And I didn't nag you to come back because I was trying to be respectful of your decision. You're good at what you do on the team and you've never let Teyla or Ronon intimidate you, which is better than the rest of the expedition has been able to do. You _deserve_ to be on the team."

John looked away from Rod and picked at a flaw in the weave of his pants. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Rod answered firmly, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before letting go.

John flushed again, picked up his candy bar and nibbled on it.

Rod saw the flush and was reminded again of his theory. Was John just trying to soften him up so he could get back on the team? He picked his desert back up and leaned back into John's side. John flushed a little more and seemed to lean almost imperceptibly back into Rod. The slight returned pressure wasn't much to go on, but Rod decided to be optimistic and ramped up the courting just a hair. "So...will you eat dinner with us tonight, then? Maybe play a game of chess with me after?"

John looked sidelong at him for a moment, then looked down and shyly said, "Sure."

Rod smiled. "Great," he replied and took a bite of his candy bar. So far, so good, he thought and his mind churned rapidly with ideas on how to flirt with John obviously enough during the game so that the man would finally notice.

***

Elizabeth looked up from her desk late that afternoon as Dr. Sheppard came in. She arched an eyebrow at him and smiled thinly. "Ah, Dr. Sheppard. You're right on time."

John flushed at that subtle dig to his occasional tardiness, ducked his head and sat down in one of the chairs in front of her desk. She was impressed by the fact that he'd said nothing snotty back. Perhaps the break he had taken from the team _had_ done some good, at least for him if not for the rest of the team.

Elizabeth pulled his letter up in her computer so she could reference it while she spoke with him. "I asked to speak with you today concerning the email you sent me retracting your resignation from the gate team. I take it you've changed your mind?"

John shrugged with one shoulder and glanced away from her. "Yeah."

Elizabeth leaned forward and folded her hands together. "Could you tell me why? You were pretty adamant about never going off-world again when I spoke with you last." She really wanted to know what changed his mind. Despite Rod's pleading earlier in the day, she wasn't just going to rubber stamp him back onto the team without sufficient assurance that he wasn't going to turn around and quit again. Her premier contact team had been in turmoil since he'd left them and she wanted to make sure that Sheppard's current desire to return wasn't specious. Having him quit a second time would likely make the situation with the Rod's team utterly impossible to deal with.

John closed his eyes and bowed his head. It was a humble gesture and one that surprised her. "I...had some time to reflect...and I realized that perhaps I hadn't...given my team enough credit. I should have let them have the choice of whether they wanted me off or not."

Elizabeth sat back in her chair, stunned. An admission like that from a control freak like Sheppard was simply amazing. It was the most mature thing she'd ever heard come out of Dr. Sheppard's mouth. "Have you spoken with them about your wish to return to the team?"

John scraped a thumbnail over the arm of the chair with complete concentration. "Teyla convinced me to put in the retraction, and I told Rod about it in case he wanted to talk to you about denying the request." He shrugged, his shoulders quick and tight. "But it's up to you. You're the boss."

Yet another thing that she hadn't expected. Dr Sheppard had demanded a great many things in her dealings with him, but this was probably the first time that she could recall where he'd genuinely, humbly _asked_, without any expectations of getting what he wanted. "I'm glad you realize that, Dr. Sheppard," Elizabeth allowed. "And if I decide to not accept your retraction?"

John's shoulders sagged and his expression became even blanker as he continued to study the pattern his thumbnail made on the chair's arm. "Then...I go back to the lab, I guess."

Elizabeth looked at his dejected posture and decided. "Well, I guess you'll be seeing less of the lab then."

John glanced up at her. "Does that mean I'm back on the team?" he asked guardedly.

She nodded. "Yes, you're back on the team. I'll send them an email informing them of my approval of your request." Because a good leader encouraged and rewarded changed attitudes like this. She mentally crossed her fingers and hoped that Sheppard continued in this mode. She thought she might learn to rather like this new John Sheppard if he did.

***

John stood uncertainly in the doorway to the mess hall that evening, his nerves completely shot. He was still jittery from dealing with Dr. Weir earlier and he wasn't sure he was up for this latest challenge. He'd been avoiding the mess during regular meal hours as much as possible lately to avoid the masses of people who were none too pleased with him to have him around. He accused himself for the umpteenth time of being an idiot to agree to eat with the team tonight. They'd probably forgotten just how much of an ass he could be and he really wasn't eager to test his resolve to do better in such a public forum any time soon. But Rod had leaned against him and asked nicely and John had found himself saying yes before he'd realized what he was doing. John sighed heavily. He was so fucked.

Additionally, he was having second thoughts about the conversation he'd had with Teyla. She couldn't possibly have meant what he'd initially thought she had. He'd just been kidding himself. There was no way Rod had been showing romantic interest in him with the food thing. It had just been wishful thinking on his part. It was probably just Rod's way of reassuring him that he was still John's friend. John thought painfully that he'd had been in short supply of friends as well as lovers, so he'd better take what he could get and try not to be bitter that there wasn't more. John sighed in resignation and stepped into the room, looking for his team.

He caught Rod waving at him from a corner of the mess hall, sitting next to Ronon. John took a steadying breath and walked over to their table, ignoring the looks he was getting from other people in the room. He sat down across from Rod and asked, "What have the cooks made for dinner tonight?"

Rod pointed down at his tray with a smile. "Meat lasagna. It's made from that buffalo thingie and it's delicious." He picked up his fork, gathered up a forkful of his lasagna and held it out to John. "Here, try some."

John stared at the food filled utensil hanging in front of his face for a moment, then relented and opened his mouth and let Rod slip the bite of food in. He closed his lips around it and Rod smoothly pulled the fork from between his lips. John felt himself flush slightly as he began to chew. Being hand fed by Rod should not have been so...distracting. John knew that he shouldn't be feeling this way over a bit of food on a fork from a friend. Damn his imagination anyway. Rod's attention couldn't possibly mean what he wanted it to. He swallowed the mouthful of food he'd been too distracted to taste and said, "Um, yeah. Tasty."

Rod beamed at him and got up out of his chair. "I'll go get you a tray then."

What? John blinked. "That's okay, Rod. I can..." But it was too late to stop him and Rod was already bounding over to the line. John sighed.

Ronon looked at him over his own mound of lasagna. "You okay, Sheppard?"

John slumped in his seat. "Fine." As if he could even discuss his inappropriate feelings towards Rod with Ronon. Many of the Pegasus natives John had run across over the years tended to frown on same sex relations, as he had found to his dismay the one time he'd awkwardly tried to make a friendly gesture to a chieftain's son during a mission and second time during another mission due to a cultural misinterpretation concerning his damned cowlicks. He was really in no mood to find out that Ronon thought he was some kind of pervert or heretic.

Ronon set down his fork and gave him a doubting look. "Right. Cough it up, Sheppard."

John ran a hand over his face, smearing fingerprints on his lenses. "God," he said feelingly. Now was so not the right time or place for that kind of awful discussion. "Not right now, Ronon."

Ronon gave him a measured look before picking his fork back up. "Later, then."

John gave him a dirty look and was about to tell Ronon exactly where he could shove it, when Teyla arrived and sat next to him. "Hello, Dr. Sheppard. It is good to have you with us again," she said crisply as she speared bits of a salad with her fork.

"Um, hi, Teyla," John replied, feeling off kilter with her although he was glad she'd shown up when she did. He'd almost slipped and lost his temper again. He stared down at the table, feeling itchy and uncomfortable. He still wasn't Colonel Fucking Sheppard and he really didn't need to start shouting at someone in the mess hall. His reputation as an asshole was already gold-plated and didn't need any more polishing on his part.

Rod plunked himself back down in front of John and slid a fresh tray of food toward him. "Here you go. Bon appetite."

John slowly picked the fork up off the tray. "Thank you," he said and started to push his food around. He couldn't eat because his stomach was all knotted up. It had been such a mistake for him to accept this invitation.

Rod's mouth pulled down in disappointment in one corner as he watched John fiddle with his dinner. "You okay, John?"

John repressed another sigh. Why the hell did they keep asking that? "I'm fine," he said shortly and he lifted the fork to his mouth and ate what was on it, feeling it land in his stomach like a lead weight. He held back a wince and took another bite. He was going to be sick later if he continued to eat while he was feeling this stressed, but he didn't know what else to do to get them to stop asking that damned question.

Rod reached over and physically halted the hand that John held the fork in. "Sheppard, stop. If you don't feel like eating, you don't have to. You look like you're about to hurl."

John's shoulders slumped and he put down the fork. "Fine."

Teyla said evenly without taking her attention from her own plate, "Perhaps you should have the plate wrapped and take it with you to eat later. The two of you could go do something soothing for a while instead."

Rod snapped his fingers and pointed at Teyla. "That's a good idea, Teyla." He picked up his own tray as well as John's. "I'll get these wrapped up and we'll take them to my place and have that game of chess. If you feel hungry later, it'll be there for you."

John watched numbly as Rod hurried away from the table toward the kitchen to ask the cooks to wrap up their dinners for them. The chess game had him feeling more than a little nervous too, and he thought that Rod might as well not bother with the food at all.

"Sheppard?" Ronon said looking at him intently.

He looked over at Ronon and wondered vaguely what he wanted now. "Yeah?"

"Glad to have you back on the team." Ronon smiled, then shoveled an enormous bite of lasagna into his mouth.

John shrugged uncomfortably. He was beginning to regret the decision to rejoin the team, too. He wondered what his problem was. He just couldn't seem to think straight anymore. "Thanks."

Rod returned shortly, ending John's personal purgatory of sitting with the rest of the team and being unable to think of anything to do or say that wouldn't cause an embarrassing scene one way or another. "Ready for our chess game, John?" Rod said, bouncing slightly on his toes as he held a wrapped plate in each hand.

Rod was going to cream him on the board tonight. John was convinced this. If he was capable of coming up with any kind of strategy tonight it would be a miracle. "Sure," he said reluctantly as he got up from his chair.

They walked in silence to Rod's place and John began to feel a little claustrophobic as soon as the door shut behind him. Jesus, this had been such a bad idea. He watched as Rod put the food away in a small refrigerator and puttered around the room, cleaning up a small bit, pulling the chess set out and setting it up. Rod turned and held out two fists towards John. "Right or left?"

John sternly told himself to keep it together and act like a friend for once instead of a selfish asshole. He could do friends. Really, he could. "Left."

Rod opened his left hand to show a black piece. "Guess I get the white again," he said with a small smile that drained off his face as he looked closely at John's face. John didn't know what he thought he saw. He was pretty sure that he was keeping what he was feeling off his face. He'd learned many years ago when he was a kid to never let them see his weaknesses. Rod set down both chess pieces and looked at him unhappily, saying, "Look, you're not feeling up to it, I can tell. Let's just skip it. Take your plate and go rest for the evening and I'll see you at the lab tomorrow."

Well, he was obviously giving _something_ away, and when did Rod get that good at reading him? John fidgeted in place, looking at Rod and trying to think of something to say that would get that unhappy expression off of Rod's face. Coming up with nothing, he instead sat down at the board. "I wanna play." he replied stubbornly.

Rod looked at him for a long moment, uncertainty playing across his face. His expression then smoothed over and he sat down at the other side of the board. "All right." He considered the board for a second or two and then made the first move and sat back, regarding John with a mild expression on his face.

John looked at the board next and made his counter move with no idea of where he was going with it. At this rate he'd lose in less than a dozen moves. Rod was sharp at the game and an actual challenge when John was able to think normally. He worried at a cuticle with his thumb as he stared across the board at Rod.

The game played out pretty much as John had figured it would, with Rod trouncing him handily after he'd made a series of moves that a ham-handed beginner wouldn't have made. John tipped over his king acknowledging the checkmate and felt his ears burn. Rod toyed with a knight for a moment, then looked over at him. "John? Would you please tell me what is the matter? Was it something I did? You..." he gestured helplessly at the board, "your game was totally off for a guy who plays as well as you do and you've been twitchy all evening."

John let out a shaky breath at stared down at his hands gripping the edge of the table. I want you, he wanted to say, but his throat was seized up and the words would not come. I want you, I trust you, I need you, I think I'm in love with you but I doubt you feel the same, I'm so tired of being alone, I think I'm screwing up the best friendship I ever had, just this once, just this once could I ,I, Rod, please...the words piled up in a logjam inside his chest and he fought to breathe around them all.

Rod looked worriedly at him, and he came around the table to kneel by John, his hand gripping John's shoulder tight. "Hey, John. It's okay...it's okay, just breathe, please."

John leaned into Rod's hot hand, too much and not enough at the time and started to shake. Rod's expression grew more alarmed and he reached up and pulled John into a hug, awkward and painful due to their positions. John leaned into it anyway and gripped the back of Rod's t-shirt tightly in both fists, shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. Don't you dare leave me again, you fucking bastard, the words thundered through John's head as he burrowed his head into the side of Rod's neck, all of the pain he'd felt while Rod was gone surfacing again.

Rod brought a warm hand up and stroked the back of John's head. "Shhhh, it's okay," he said softly. "It's all right. It's okay. It's okay, John." John shook himself to pieces in the warm comfort of Rod's arms, breathing heavily as he came apart at the seams.

An eternity later, John's shaking subsided enough that he noticed the ache in his back and his conscience nudged him guiltily about the probable state of Rod's knees and back. He tried to pull away from Rod and Rod gripped him tighter. "Don't leave, John. It's okay, it's all right."

"Your knees, your back," John said stupidly as he gratefully fisted his hands back into Rod's shirt.

Rod shifted, then grunted in pain. "Okay, you've got a point, there. Tell you what, we'll both get up and go sit on couch, okay?"

"'Kay," John mumbled reluctantly and forced himself to let go.

Rod grabbed the edge of the table and levered himself up off the floor, wincing as his back and knees both crackled in protest at the position he'd been in. He twisted a couple of times to try and loosen his back up, then put out a hand toward John. "Come on, John. You too."

John grasped Rod's hand and allowed himself to be lifted up out of the chair. Rod then slipped an arm around John's back and pulled him over to the couch. He drew John down to sit next to him and maneuvered John's head until it leaned against his shoulder. John felt entirely wrung out. He shut his eyes and breathed in Rod's scent, soaked in his warmth, listened to him breathe. He never wanted to move again. His chest ached, knowing that this was just temporary. He'd leave and go to bed and dream of this and tomorrow morning it would be all gone and Rod would give him pitying looks because he'd seen John lose his mind over one more thing that he'd never be able to have.

"Hey, stop that." Rod said, cupping a hand around John's jaw and rubbing his thumb on John's cheek. "Stop thinking whatever upsetting thing it is that you're thinking, okay? It'll be okay. I promise, whatever it is, it'll be okay."

John wanted to shake his head in negation, but was too tired. It would never be okay. Rod couldn't promise him that. He had no idea. Exhausted, John floated in the sensation of Rod being close and touching him and fell asleep between one breath and the next.

***

Rod woke up the next morning with a sore back and a limp John Sheppard draped over him like some odd, angular blanket. After John's meltdown last night, he'd thought it best to not wake the man after he'd fallen asleep on Rod's shoulder. He'd managed to slip John's glasses off and arrange the both of them on the couch in a not too-uncomfortable position and then held John close the rest of the night, offering what comfort he could. Rod turned his head and looked at Sheppard. John's face was lax with sleep but he still looked tired and drawn out. Rod gently cupped a hand over John's jaw and brushed his thumb across a stubbly cheek. John sighed softly and stirred. "Good morning," Rod murmured softly.

John opened one eye and looked at him blearily. Rod felt John's body stiffen as John licked his lips and said tentatively, "Rod?"

Rod smiled gently back and slowly withdrew his hand, hoping to keep John from panicking. "Yep, that's me. How'd you sleep?"

"Okay?" John replied, his voice rising on the end, obviously unsure. He made a motion to pull away and Rod sighed and let him go.

John lifted himself up off of Rod to stand by the sofa, blinking and looking a little lost. Rod got up stiffly and laid a hand on John's shoulder. "You okay, John?" he asked.

"Yeah?" John said, still sounding completely unconvincing.

Rod was completely sure that John was not okay. "Well, uh, make yourself at home, then. I've got to go to the bathroom, but after that I'll reheat the lasagna for us, okay?" He felt reluctant to leave, even though he really needed to go to the bathroom.

He waited for John's nod before going off to take a leak. He stared at himself in the mirror as he washed his hands and wondered what had set John off last night. It had been kind of frightening to see him fall apart like that. Rod wondered again about John's past. He'd read the guy's file and knew that John's parents were divorced and that his mother had died when John was seven. Then there had been a long list of foster homes that John had bounced through until he went to college at age sixteen. But personnel files only told part of the story and Rod asked himself if the whole experience hadn't left John more scarred than anyone realized. He had no idea what to do now and Rod was scared spitless that he'd do something wrong and break John for good. Sighing, he finished his ablutions and opened the bathroom door, praying that John would still be there and that he didn't screw this up.

Rod relaxed minutely when he saw that John was still there, had found his glasses and was sitting at the table picking at a hangnail on his thumb. He'd also cleared the chessboard off the table and reheated yesterday's dinner in the tiny microwave oven while Rod had been busy in the bathroom. Rod smelled the aroma of lasagna emanating from the trays and his stomach rumbled. He'd not finished dinner last night and his blood sugar was lower than he liked. Rod gave John a quick thanks of gratitude, sat down at the table and practically inhaled his food, glad that he'd not reached the point of a low blood sugar crisis where the smell of food was nauseating.

Rod looked up from his now empty plate and saw John once again toying with his food. He sighed. He realized now that this was a sign that John was quietly freaking out about something. Rod reached over and gently grabbed the hand John held his fork in. It stilled in his grasp and John looked at him with panic in his eyes. Rod smiled back and squeezed his hand quickly before letting go, willing him to not have another panic attack just yet. He then reached with his other hand to snag his radio from the edge of the table where he'd left it yesterday and slipped it in his ear. "Radek?"

"_Ano_?" Radek said over the radio.

Rod leaned back in his chair, projecting an air of casualness. "I'm taking the day off, Radek. Keep the city afloat for me today?"

Radek snorted. "Keeping city afloat is easy. Keeping idiot Simpson from blowing it up? Harder to do, but I will persevere."

Rod chuckled at the joke. "Oh, and Radek? I'm going to make Sheppard take the day off as well. He's been looking tired to me." John studied his hands as Rod said this, refusing to meet Rod's eyes.

"Oh really?" Rod heard the innuendo in Radek's voice. He wished wistfully that there was some basis for it. Unfortunately, it seemed that he had much bigger things to deal with concerning John first. Radek continued, "Fine, then. I will tell Colonel Lorne that he has his precious gateship back for the day then. I will see you and Sheppard tomorrow, Rod. Have a good day off."

"Thanks, Radek. See you tomorrow," Rod replied. He pulled the radio off his ear and tossed it back onto the table.

John looked up at him. "Why did you do that?"

"Because you need a day off," Rod said quietly. He got up and pulled John out of his chair and beckoned him back over to the sofa. John paused a bit, but followed and sat next to Rod, tense and wary. "What's got you so upset, John?" he asked, feeling very worried at John's passivity.

"Nothing," John mumbled into his chest. Right. John was opaque as hell, but lying wasn't his strong point.

Rod gave him a disbelieving look. "I don't believe you," he said flatly. "If you won't talk about it, I'm going to be forced to ask Dr. Heightmeyer to put you on sick leave and have _her_ work on chipping what's wrong with you out of your skull," Rod said calmly as he waited in anticipation of the fallout. He was not disappointed.

John jerked upright and then glared at him poisonously. "You wouldn't." The look in John's eyes was murderous.

Rod returned the look evenly. This aspect of John hadn't changed, much to his annoyance. The enormous mistrust bordering on hatred John had of the psychiatrist was still in full force. "I will if you don't talk to me, John."

John shot up off of the couch and bolted for the door. Rod swore and dove for him, managing to knock John's glasses off and tackle him down to the floor. John fought back with a feral intensity and it was all Rod could do to wrestle him into an arm lock that pressed John's face to the floor. "Fuck you, McKay! I'm not talking to a god damned shrink!" John managed to grunt out as he tried and failed to buck off Rod's bulk lying across his body.

"Then _talk_ to me, John! Tell me what's wrong. Why did you have a meltdown last night?" Rod pleaded with him. If Rod didn't manage to crack him open and get him to talk, he was afraid of what John would do to himself. The prolonged retreat, the nervous behavior, the panic attack last night - all of it had him worried.

John attempted to buck Rod off again. "You...don't...want...to know!"

Rod tightened his hold on John's arm and fervently hoped that John would calm down before Rod managed to break his arm. He wasn't sure what he'd tell Carson if he did. "Try...me!"

John went lax under him suddenly and muttered resentfully, "No."

"Why not?" Rod all but whined as he loosened his grip on John just a hair. He was trying to not hurt the guy, but John had come along admirably with the hand-to-hand combat classes Rod had forced him to take in the last year and was making it damned difficult for him.

"Because," John growled unhelpfully as he tried twisting out of Rod's grasp.

"Because why?" Rod said in exasperation as he pulled John's arm into a truly uncomfortable position while he hauled his body further on top of John. "Jesus Christ, you are reducing me to talking like a small child. Just answer me, John!"

"No!" John snarled, fruitlessly attempting to kick Rod off with his one free leg.

Rod slung a leg over and trapped it down. Rod thought gratefully of all the time he'd spent sparring with Ronon and having his ass kicked six ways to Sunday because John, although much less experienced, was turning out to be a dirty fighter. Rod didn't ask John again. He figured that at this point it was better to wait out the temper tantrum, and so he simply lay on top of John, breathing heavily on the back of John's neck as he fought against John bucking him off.

After several long minutes, Rod felt John stop struggling and sigh into the carpet on the floor. "Still want to fight?" Rod said quietly into John's ear.

John's body relaxed underneath him. "No."

That was encouraging. "Can we get up off the floor and discuss this like reasonable adults now?" Rod asked.

John rolled his face into the carpet. "No."

Oh for crying out loud, Rod thought. "Why not?"

John was silent. Rod dropped his head down, sighed gustily into the back of John's neck and then reluctantly let go of him and rolled off of John's back. John turned on his side with his back to Rod and curled into a ball. Rod's shoulders slumped and he lay back with a sigh and stared at his ceiling. Several minutes slid by quietly and Rod finally said, "I wish you would talk to me, John. You've been freaking me out for weeks now and last night's meltdown scared me half to death."

"I'm sorry," John's reply drifted over from his huddled frame. "It's...personal." A long pause filled the air. "I'm not good at talking."

Rod sighed again. "I'd noticed."

John turned over and looked at Rod. "Last night...you held me."

Rod stared at the ceiling and nodded. "Yes, I did."

John licked his lips. "And this morning...you touched my face."

Rod wondered what John was trying to get at. Maybe Radek had gotten it wrong and John was straight. Rod's stomach clenched unhappily at the thought. Wouldn't that just be peachy. "Yes, I did that too. I was trying to comfort you, John. You needed it and I wanted to be there for you." Rod hesitated for a moment, wondering what exactly to say that wouldn't freak John out. "I care about you, John," he said finally. "As a teammate, as a friend. I just want to see you happy. We've lived in Atlantis for a couple of years now, and I've hardly ever seen you smile."

John had a bleak look on his face. "I don't need your pity."

Rod turned and leaned on his elbow. "Jesus, John! It's not pity that I feel! You're all mopey and depressed and it's driving me nuts! I like you, and I want you to be happy, damn it! Just, just...what do I have to do?"

John looked away. "I'm fine, Rod. You don't have to do anything."

Rod closed his eyes in frustration. "Please stop doing this to me, John."

"Doing what?" John asked in a beaten tone.

Rod grabbed John by the shoulder and hauled him over so that John was facing him. "Locking me out! Just stop it, okay? I want to make you happy! That's all I want to do, okay? I just...I just want to see you looking pleased and relaxed like you do when you're piloting a gateship or, or eating tuttleroot soup."

John shut his eyes. "I'm not Pollyanna, Rod."

Rod sat up and looked down at John intensely. "You weren't born unhappy, John. I bet when you were a little kid you were pretty happy. Kids are like that. Tell me why you were so upset last night."

John let out a heavy sigh. "It's just stupid stuff. Nothing important."

"Come on, John," Rod wheedled. "It'll be just between the two of us, promise. I won't go running to Heightmeyer."

Rod laid a hand on John's knee and saw John's mask finally crack open a bit as he said in a raw voice, "I...I missed you while you were gone."

Rod smiled. "Hey, I missed you too."

John pulled away and sat up. "Don't lie to me, Rod." He pulled himself into a huddle of knees and elbows. "I've heard all about Colonel Sheppard. I'm just some nearsighted jerk that everybody hates."

Damn it. Rod regretted ever having gone to that damn universe. Nothing had been right with John since he'd heard about the other Sheppard. "Listen, just because Evan said something in the mess hall doesn't mean that everyone hates you."

John shook his head. "It's not just him. Everybody says it. Atlantis showed me. You talked all about him. You like him."

Rod winced, feeling sick now that he'd realized that he'd brought this all on himself with his big fat mouth.

John gave him level look. "He played golf with you, Rod. He's not some geek job like me."

"Jesus Christ, John, will you stop putting yourself down?" Rod shouted, barely repressing his desire to grab John by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. "Yes, Colonel Sheppard was in the Air Force, he played golf, he didn't join Mensa, all those things. Big, fat, hairy deal! You don't hide your intelligence like he did! You don't get weirded out by things the way he did! _I like you better_!"

John blinked at him. "You do?"

"YES!" Rod screamed back. Jesus, maybe Rodney had had something back in the other universe. Apparently shrieking at the top of his lungs was what it took to get through to a stubborn Sheppard. And it provided an adrenaline rush too, come to think of it, Rod thought as he breathed heavily in the aftermath.

John's eyes dropped and Rod watched as his body slowly relaxed. They sat in silence on the floor for a while before John looked up at him shyly and quietly asked, "You really did miss me, then?"

Rod nodded. "Yes. A lot. It was weird over there. _He_ was weird. I wanted to come home, and I think that their Doctor McKay wanted me to leave just as much, if not more than I did. So much so that I think that he may have drained their ZPM to get me back here."

John tilted his head. "You've never said anything about their McKay before. He didn't like you?"

Rod sighed. "I think he felt threatened by me. He was a pretty obnoxious asshole, but I think a lot of things didn't go as well for him in his life as they did in mine. He didn't have a good relationship with Jeannie, for one."

John looked down at the floor and said quietly, "I think I would have liked to have met him. Sounds like we have a lot in common."

Rod felt a twinge of jealousy at that statement and realized that John had suffered from that and more because of all his damn stories about Colonel Sheppard. God, thought Rod miserably, he had been _so_ stupid. "Hey," he said softly, "I'm sorry I told all those stories about Colonel Sheppard. You didn't deserve everyone comparing you to him like that."

John shrugged one shoulder, retrieved his glasses from off the floor and began picking at the rug with a fingernail. "Not your fault, I guess. Everyone was curious about what it was like over there."

Rod grimaced, still feeling guilty, but said nothing more about it.

John stopped picking at the rug and shoved himself to his feet. "I guess I'll go then," he announced as he slipped on his glasses and looked around for his shoes.

Rod scrambled up off the floor and grabbed John's arm. "Wait!"

John stopped and closed his eyes. "You're going to make me talk more about what happened last night, aren't you?"

Rod reached over and cupped his free hand to John's face. "Yes, I am. I'm not kidding when I said you scared the heck out of me, John. You said you'd missed me. Was there anything else going on that caused your meltdown last night?"

John pressed his face into Rod's hand for the briefest moment, then abruptly pulled his head away from Rod's hand. "You've got to stop touching me like that," he said in a raw tone.

"Why?" Rod asked as he crowded closer to John and kept a firm grip on his arm.

"Because..." John said brokenly, "Because, I...I..." John's face crumpled and he wrenched his arm out of Rodney's grip and ran out the door in his bare feet.

"Fuck!" Rod cried out and ran after him, but John had already developed too much of a lead on him and Rod swore as he saw the transporter doors close as he rounded the corner. "Damn it!" He yelled and slapped the doors in frustration. There was no way in hell he'd find John now.

Rod leaned heavily against the wall and slid down to sit with his head on his knees. Crap. There had to be some way of getting John to come out of hiding so he could fix this mess. Then he blinked. Of course. Rod got up and ran back into his room and grabbed his radio. "Ronon?"

***

Ronon eventually found John on a balcony on the outskirts of Atlantis, in an area that had been damaged by the city's long slumber under water. The faint smell of mold and seawater clung to his nostrils as he silently regarded John. He sat slumped with his legs dangling over the edge of the balcony and his arms folded on top of the lower railing, his chin resting on his hands.

"Sure that balcony is safe to be on?" Ronon asked as he leaned against the doorway.

John glanced disinterestedly over his shoulder. "What would it matter if it weren't?"

Ronon shrugged. "If it's not, I'll have to tell that Mensa chapter of yours to boot you out for being too stupid to live."

John snorted and turned back to stare at the water again.

Ronon carefully stepped out onto the balcony. It was solid, so he walked over to John and sat down cross-legged next to him. "Rod's worried about you."

John laid his forehead on top of his hands and stared down at his lap, his glasses slipping down his nose. "Yeah, he probably is."

Ronon looked at John thoughtfully for a while and made a decision. "What happened, Sheppard? And don't give me that 'nothing' shit. You're all twisted up inside, I can see it."

John's shoulders slumped a little more. "It's kind of personal, Ronon. I don't want to talk about it."

Ronon bumped his shoulder. "Tough. Cough it up, Sheppard."

John huddled a little more within himself. "You'll get weird on me. I...I don't have that many...friends...and I'd rather keep you, if you don't mind."

Ronon raised an eyebrow at that. "Unless you've suddenly turned into a Wraith worshiper I think you're pretty safe. Getting weird is a waste of my time." He poked John in the ribs. "Come on, talk."

After a long silence, John said, "I...I'm wanting something...someone...and I don't know if they feel the same way or if I'm just losing my mind." He made a sharp bark of laughter. "They probably don't. It would be my luck."

Ronon looked at him steadily. "Who do you want?"

"Someone," John replied evasively. Then, more softly, "A guy. I...I like guys."

Ronon shrugged. Lovers of men hadn't been unheard of on Sateda, and despite the rantings of temple priests, Ronon had never really bothered to give a damn about it one way or the other. "Okay. Which guy?"

John turned his head and looked at Ronon. "You don't think I'm some kind of pervert?"

"No," Ronon replied lazily. "Perverts get laid a lot more often than you obviously do." He reached out and poked John in the ribs again. "Which guy, Sheppard?"

John looked away, waving a dismissive hand. "Eeehhh, it's stupid. He's already got women falling at his feet everywhere he goes."

Ronon took a patient breath and poked John in the ribs again, harder this time. "Who? Cough up a name, Sheppard."

"It's Rod," John said softly, miserably.

Ronon sighed and rolled his eyes. Dr. John Sheppard had to be the single most clueless individual Ronon had ever had the pleasure to meet. Rod had been flirting with John for _years_ and here the man was pining away for a guy who was doing everything short of bodily throwing himself at John. Just clueless. Teyla was right. Rod should have just hauled John off and fucked him senseless instead of being so damned polite.

"You ready to come back yet?" Ronon asked. If he had to, he'd haul John kicking and screaming back to the main settlement, but he hoped he wouldn't have to. John bit pretty hard when he was pissed off.

John straightened up and snorted softly. "Do I have any choice now that you've found me?"

Ronon shrugged. "I could wait a little, let you get your head together."

John ran his hands over his face and gave a quiet groan. "I'm not sure that's even possible at this point."

It had to be because of all the math. The man's head was full of too much math, and it left no room for common sense, Ronon thought. He clapped John on the back. "Well, let's go then."

John leaned against the railing again and sighed. "I'm not ready yet."

Ronon rolled his eyes and made himself more comfortable. This was obviously going to take a while if he didn't want to get any more unpleasant bite marks from Sheppard. Seven years of running had made him pretty damned rusty at this, but for his teammate he'd give it a go. "Okay, Sheppard, talk. Why do you think Rod wouldn't be interested?"

John shrugged tightly. "He's popular. He's smart. He's nice. Everyone likes him. We've got nothing in common."

"Popularity is overrated. You're smart. You can be nice if you want to be. The team likes you. You've got stuff in common." Ronon countered.

John slumped further onto the railing. "I'm not a girl."

Ronon shot him a look. "You're acting like one."

John sat up and glared at him. "What?"

Ronon smirked. "You're sitting on a balcony and pining. Girls just beginning to be interested in boys do that."

John's nostrils flared. "I am not a teenage girl!"

Ronon's grin widened. This might just be the goad to get John to _do_ something about his love life. "Yeah, you are."

"I am not!" John shot back, fire snapping in his eyes. "And I'm not pining, damn it!"

"I'm not popular enough for Rod. Rod couldn't possibly like me," Ronon singsonged in a falsetto.

John's faced reddened and his lips thinned to a tight compressed line. "I see. Mock the queer guy," he said with deadly quiet.

Ronon sobered. "Wrong. I'm mocking the coward."

John blinked. "Coward?"

"Coward," Ronon confirmed. "You want Rod? Do something about it. Ask him out on one of those date things you Atlanteans do."

"A date?" John said uncertainly. "What if he's not into guys? What if he's offended?"

Ronon gave John a look. "When was the last time _you_ offended Rod? It's not possible."

John chewed his bottom lip, then asked quietly, "What if he says no?"

Dense. The man was utterly dense when it came to people flirting with him. "Then I'll get you drunk and find someone else for you to share a blanket with," Ronon replied. "Just screw your balls on and ask him, Sheppard. I know you've got them. Use them."

John stared at Ronon for a long moment. "Okay," he said quietly.

***

John panicked as Ronon marched him back to Rod quarters. Oh god. A date. He'd agreed to ask Rod out on a date. Had he _ever_ asked anyone out on a date? Had he ever _been_ on a date? The answer, John recalled with a certain sinking sensation, was no. What few relationships he'd ever been in had always started with the other person throwing themselves at him and dragging him off for sex. What did people _do_ on dates? John's brain scrambled through every half remembered chick flick movie he could think of. Dinner? He thought he remembered people doing dinner in the movies. Dinner sounded reasonable. And, and movies?

He blinked as he suddenly realized that he was standing in front of Rod's door. Ronon cleared his throat again and John realized then that he'd been staring blankly at it in a blind panic. He sucked in a huge breath and rang the door chime.

The door slid open to reveal a worried looking Rod. He gave John a careful smile. "Hey. Sorry I sicced Ronon on you, but I was concerned."

John looked over his shoulder at Ronon. "Yeah. Um...it's okay." Ronon gave John a brief two-fingered shove. John turned around to face Rod again and said, "Er...can I...can I..." John's brain hiccuped in terror and he found himself saying, "You're going out on a date with me. With dinner. And a movie."

Rod gave him a blank look. "I am?"

John's mouth had obviously completely disconnected from his brain because he found himself saying, "At seven o'clock. Tonight. My place." Who the hell was in control of his mouth? John knew that it wasn't him.

"Okay," Rod replied with a slow smile. "Seven o'clock it is then."

John heard that and whoever it was that had taken control of his mouth suddenly abandoned ship. "What?"

Rod gave John his reassure-the-freaked-out-natives look and replied, "Yes, I will go out on a date with you tonight."

John replied stupidly, "You will?" and felt Ronon nudge him in the back. Oh. _Oh_. Rod had said yes. He'd said yes! He had a date with Rod! Maybe now would be a good time to leave before he managed to talk Rod out of it by being an idiot. John stood up straighter. "Oh, yeah. Right. You will. Um... see you later. At my place. Seven. For dinner."

"And a movie," Rod reminded him.

John found his head bobbing up and down idiotically. "Right. A movie. Um...bye." he waved one hand weakly at Rod and backed up onto Ronon's foot. Ronon grabbed him by the shoulders and swung him around towards the hall where John's quarters were.

"See you later, John," he heard Rod say, and then the whoosh of Rod's door closing.

John walked to his quarters on automatic, Ronon close behind him. The door closed behind them both and John halted in the middle of his room and began to freak out. "Oh god. I can't cook date food! Date food is all, all fancy and stuff! What was I thinking?"

Ronon came around him and grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a shake. "Breathe, Sheppard. I've got a solution."

John took a couple of slow, deep breaths and attempted to calm himself. "Solution?"

"To the food problem," Ronon replied. "Grab some tools and follow me."

He gave Ronon a blank look but obediently picked up his tool kit and followed Ronon. They wound up in the kitchens, John standing there with his tool kit while Ronon spoke with the head cook.

"You've been having trouble with one of the Ancient ovens, right?" Ronon said as the cook gave John the hairy eyeball.

"That's right," She replied. She reminded John of one of the nuns at a Catholic school he'd been in. The really mean one with big biceps. He sidled away from her a bit.

"If you agree to fix a nice dinner for two, I'll have Sheppard here fix the problem for you."

The cook eyed John suspiciously again. "Any special requests?"

"No citrus," Ronon said easily, crossing his arms and leaning idly against one of the counters.

The cook's eyes lit up. "Oh, this is for Rod? Why didn't you say so? So he's got a hot date tonight, does he? I was wondering if he'd ever give some of the local girls a shot." She rubbed her hands together with glee, no doubt anticipating contributing the tidbit to the gossip mill of Atlantis. "Who's the lucky woman?"

John shifted uncomfortably and shoved his glasses back up his nose. This was going to be so, so very bad.

Ronon coolly arched an eyebrow and replied, "The date's kind of shy. Don't want to ruin it for Rod by talking about it yet."

The cook was obviously disappointed, but nodded sympathetically. "Of course. Don't mind an old busybody like myself." She then turned a gimlet eye back on John. "Well, come on, smarty pants. Let's see you fix that oven."

John barely repressed a 'yes, sister' and went over to the oven in question while Ronon and the head cook discussed the menu and when it needed to be ready. Determinedly not listening, he busied himself with finding out what was causing the problem. After some digging around, he found a corroded connection to the heating element and he set about fixing it. Once the job was finished, he climbed back to his feet and saw the head cook looking at him again. He shuffled his feet a bit and mumbled, "It's fixed."

The cook came over and fussed with the oven a bit, then gave a pleased grunt. "It'll do." Then she reached over to a rack, pulled a cupcake off it and handed it to John, giving him a pat on the head. "You haven't been an asshole lately, smarty pants. Keep it up." She then bustled off to the pantry area.

John very nearly said 'yes, sister' as he stared at the cupcake in his hand. There was a snort, and he looked up at Ronon, who was wiping crumbs of his own cupcake off his beard. "Feel honored, Sheppard. She's decided that you're not so bad after all."

John gave him a dirty look and bit into the cupcake. It sat like lead on his nervous stomach, but he finished anyway, just because.

***

While John had had his head stuck in the oven, Ronon had taken a moment to call Teyla and ask for her assistance. As he and John came round the bend in the hall, he spotted her waiting for them with crossed arms by Sheppard's door.

John drifted to a halt. "Teyla? What are you doing here?"

Teyla lifted an eyebrow. "Making sure you look presentable for this evening for a change." She gestured gracefully towards the door. "Shall we get started?"

John gulped and opened his door. They all went in and Ronon leaned against a wall to watch the entertainment as Teyla made a beeline for Sheppard's closet while John stood there, gaping.

Teyla turned from her perusal of John's clothes to give him an assessing look. "Come over here. I need to hold some things up to you for a moment."

John came over in lagging steps and Teyla grabbed several shirts from the closet, which she then held up in succession in front of John before saying, "This one."

John looked at the black t-shirt. "But this is too small. I think it might belong to one of the marines. It got into my laundry by accident. I can't wear this."

Teyla gave John a quelling look. John pouted and laid the shirt out on his bed. Ronon snickered. This was funny to watch.

Teyla then went through John's pants and pulled out several sets of jeans, which she then badgered John into trying on in front of them as John flushed with embarrassment. She nixed several pairs until he put on a pair that looked like they'd been painted onto John's legs. "Those will work," she said.

"They're tight," John commented uncomfortably, messing with the waistband of his boxers, which peeped out over the top of his jeans.

Teyla tilted her head for a moment, regarding John with a critical eye before asking, "Where do you keep your undergarments?"

John blushed deeply and pointed to the top drawer of his dresser. Teyla rifled through the drawer for several minutes before compressing her lips together and shaking her head as she closed the drawer. "You have nothing appropriate. You will have to go with out an undergarment tonight."

"What?" John croaked in a strangled tone, looking spooked.

She folded her arms together and looked at him levelly. "You have very baggy underthings, and they show over the top of every pair of pants you wear when you bend over. This will not do for tonight. Additionally, without such a voluminous undergarment, those pants will fit you better and not be uncomfortable as they are now."

"But...commando?" John asked weakly.

"Just do it, Sheppard," Ronon advised. Teyla did have a point. Those were the first pair of pants he'd ever seen John wear that made him look like he had an ass. And everyone in Atlantis had seen John's underpants at one point or another.

Teyla made John peel the jeans off and set them on the bed with the chosen shirt. "You should take a shower now. Wash you hair. And make sure to shave," She stated as she went through his shoes.

John sighed in capitulation and went to the bathroom. Several minutes later, he peeped out the doorway shyly, face freshly shaven and hair damp and spiky. "Could, uh, somebody throw me my pants?"

Ronon took pity on him for having put up with Teyla's declaration of no undergarments and tossed the jeans over. John caught them and disappeared back into the bathroom. A minute later, he came back out wearing the pants, walking tentatively. "This feels weird," he complained.

"You'll live," Ronon replied as Teyla picked up the t-shirt and held it out to John.

John took it from her, slipped it on over his head and settled it over his torso. It clung tightly to his body and biceps. He ran a hand over his abdomen mumbling, "This is way too tight."

"Deal," Ronon said as Teyla looked the result over critically.

"The result is very nice, but I think it may need another layer," Teyla commented as she went back into John's closet.

"Yes, please," John muttered under his breath, so low that Ronon could barely hear. "I feel like a rentboy in this get up."

Teyla came back with a burgundy button down shirt and had John slip it on over the t-shirt, but leave it unbuttoned. She then rolled up the arms to his elbows. She stepped back and nodded with satisfaction. "Yes, that will work. Put on those sandals."

John slipped the beach sandals on and jammed his fingers into his front pockets. Ronon raised an eyebrow in approval. John cut a pretty sleek figure in those clothes. "You look good, Sheppard."

John made a face. "Thanks, I think." He shifted his hips again. "It still feels weird."

Teyla looked at John's mostly dry hair with faint wonderment. "It truly does do that naturally."

John winced and ran a hand through his hair distractedly. "Yeah. I wasn't lying to that damn priest on P7R-688. I've got a _bunch_ of cowlicks. There's no way in hell I can get my hair to lay flat."

Teyla folded her arms and gave him a mildly contrite look. "I must apologize for accusing you of lying when we returned from there, then."

John's lips twitched and he shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, well."

Teyla looked around the room briefly. "Well, your room is picked up and clean, so all we will have to do is set up a table for the dinner and do a bit of decorating."

Under Teyla's direction, Ronon and John moved a few things around the room until they had a table and two chairs placed by the balcony. Teyla then brought out some decorative cloths and candles from a bag she'd brought with her, which she then placed judiciously on the table and around the room. "There," she announced finally. "Finished."

Ronon looked around and nodded. Teyla had transformed John's mildly sterile quarters into a credible love nest. He then looked over John, who was fidgeting nervously. The man was going to work himself into a panic attack while Ronon was getting the food unless he gave John something to do. "Sheppard. You need to pick a movie."

John looked confused for a moment. "What? Oh. Yeah, right." He then sat down at his desk and started going through his DVD collection with an intense look of concentration on his face.

Ronon gave a satisfied nod at heading off that problem and headed out the door with Teyla. "Thanks, Teyla," he said as they walked down the hall together.

Teyla gave him a sardonic look. "I do it for my own piece of mind. I tire of Rod's slow progress." A smile quirked her stern face. "I am most curious as to how you managed to maneuver John into asking Rod for this 'date'."

Ronon smiled and told her as he headed for the kitchens.

***

Rod stared into his closet, torn between the blue muscle shirt and the black wife beater. Both showed off his arms and shoulders, but he wondered if the wife beater might not be a little too much for John. Mr. Baggypants tended to be rather modest in his clothing choices (well, with the exception of the perpetual boxer peepage he had going) and Rod didn't want to scare the man. John had looked terrified enough when he'd announced their date to Rod.

Rod shook his head and he pulled the muscle shirt out. He didn't know what Ronon had said or done to John to have precipitated that particular action. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, quite frankly. It was just a huge relief to know that the whole wooing thing was finally being reciprocated, especially after John's last episode of twitchiness. He rifled through his pants, looking for his date jeans. He knew that they had to be in there somewhere. It wasn't like he'd worn them much recently. Saving the universe tended to cut into his dating time. All of it, really and Rod didn't even want to contemplate how long it had been since he'd had a pleasantly romantic evening with anyone that hadn't had ulterior motives concerning him or Atlantis.

Ah ha! There they were! Rod sniffed them to make sure they were clean and then tossed them onto the bed with the muscle shirt. He then flung a fresh pair of microfiber boxer briefs that gave him a nice basket on top and headed for the shower. He'd figure out the shoes later.

He'd just gotten dried off and the jeans on when his door chime went off. Rod opened his door to find Teyla there with a small bottle of Athosian liquor in her hand. "May I come in?" she inquired.

"Yeah, sure," Rod replied and beckoned her in. "What can I do for you, Teyla?"

"You can make sure that you _do not_ foul up your evening with Dr. Sheppard," Teyla said sternly. "And to assist you in your endeavor to do that, I am giving you this to take to your assignation with him tonight." She set the bottle down with a firm click on the top of his desk.

Rod eyed the bottle with trepidation. "Uh, thanks Teyla, but what is it?"

Teyla raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "It is a distilled liquor that is used occasionally among my people to encourage relaxation. Make sure Dr. Sheppard has some. Then fling him down upon his bed and kiss him soundly."

"Teyla! I am _not_ going to take advantage of John like that!" Rod protested as he slid the bottle back towards her. "I'm not giving him roofies!"

Teyla slid the bottle back with a stubborn look on her face. "It is not an aphrodisiac. It will merely relax him. And you will at least kiss him this evening!"

"Well, if he's amenable to it, I probably will, but why are you so concerned?" Rod asked in frustration. He didn't normally get dating advice, especially from Teyla.

Teyla rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "You are too smooth, Rod. So far, all you have managed to do is to confuse him terribly." She waved a hand in agitation, "He is simply not getting your overtures. It is obvious to me, if not to yourself, that Dr. Sheppard is inexperienced in the ways of courtship. He has now gone way beyond what he is comfortable with in asking you out on this 'date'. The least you could do is give him an _unmistakable_ signal that his interest is returned!"

Rod was taken aback by her vehemence and held out a placating hand. "Teyla, Teyla, whoa, whoa, whoa! I get it! I get it, I really do." He looked at her curiously. "You really thing he's that oblivious? I mean, I've been trying to be pretty obvious here."

Teyla huffed in disgust. "Yes, he is _that_ oblivious. He simply does not recognize the signals of interest a person shows towards another during courtship. After I asked him to come back to the team the other day, I had to _tell_ him that the lunches you prepare for him were a signal of attraction and caring. He was terribly confused about it before that."

"Huh," Rod grunted as he rubbed at his damp hair. "I guess that would explain why it's been going so slow, then."

Teyla gave him a you-idiot look. "I do not pretend to understand why the two of you wish to engage in a relationship, but if it is to actually _happen_ you will have to be very forward and blunt with him, Rod." She pointed to the bottle again. "So, take the liquor, take my advice and kiss the man senseless!" She then stormed out of Rod's room, muttering angrily, "I do not know why I even bother."

Rod sighed heavily after she left and resumed getting ready. Dating never _used_ to be fraught with this kind of weirdness.

Once he'd finished dressing and had groomed his hair to a fare-thee-well, he stared at the bottle for a long moment before reluctantly picking it up and taking it with him.

Rod showed up at John's door promptly at seven and rang the door chime. The door shot open and John stood there, regarding him shyly and dressed in the most mouth-watering outfit Rod had ever seen on the man. The black t-shirt and jeans hugged John's lean body closely and the burgundy shirt complimented his skin tone. "Wow," Rod said softly, overwhelmed. "You look good."

John's gaze flicked away and his ears pinked up. "Um...thanks, Rod. You wanna come in?" he asked as he moved to let Rod in.

Rod smiled and slipped inside, letting the door close behind him. John looked _amazing_. Rod desperately wanted to get into his pants right fucking now. Well, Teyla had said to be bluntly obvious, so Rod gave in a bit to the temptation to touch and reached over to cup a hand on the side of John's face. "I'm really glad you asked me out tonight," he said, as John stared wide-eyed at him from behind his glasses.

John wet his lips nervously and replied unevenly. "I'm glad you came." He then twitched out of Rod's grasp and gestured towards a table set by his balcony. "Dinner?"

Rod restrained the impulse to dispense with dinner and just touch John all over and obediently went over and sat at the table, placing the bottle of liquor by his plate. He looked at the food and was impressed again. Somehow John had gotten the head cook to make up a couple of her famous 'date dinners'. There was Almost-beef Wellington and that vegetable that was reminiscent of asparagus, a real Caesar salad and a puff pastry made of the fruit the expedition had started calling 'applums' due to their tasting like a cross between an apple and a plum. "It looks delicious, John."

John shuffled his feet a bit and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, um, Ronon helped me get that. I, ah, I'm not that good of a cook."

John walked over to the table and Rod watched him with growing intent. There was something about the way John was walking, and Rod tried to put his finger on what exactly was different about it. There was a certain shifting of John's hips that hadn't been there before and Rod's breath caught as desire flushed over him. He hoped that dinner went quickly. He had plans for some serious making out during the movie at this point.

John sank into his seat and asked, "What's in the bottle?"

"It's an Athosian liquor that they drink when they want to relax. I figured, if you want to, we could have a little bit at some point," Rod explained, trying to be casual about it.

John stared at him with a hesitant look and Rod said defensively, "They really just use it for relaxation. And we don't have to have any if you don't want."

John nodded in understanding and then he reached for the bottle with a determined expression. He uncorked the bottle and poured himself a small measure of the liquid into a glass by his plate and then proceeded to slug it down in one shot, to Rod's utter amazement. "Uh, John?"

John looked at him apologetically as he set the glass down. "I think I may need it a little. Right now, if I tried to eat dinner, I'd probably throw up."

"Oh," Rod said, suddenly understanding that John really was one big ball of nerves over this. He reached over and laid a hand on top of one of John's on the table, stroking over the back of the hand with his thumb. "It's just me, John. You know I like you."

John turned his head away a bit, but left his hand in Rod's grip. "Yeah, I guess."

"And I think you look really hot tonight." Rod added sincerely. "Really, really hot."

"You do?" John asked, turning back to look at Rod intently.

Rod nodded as he stared intensely at John. Food was taking a very distant second in his priorities right now. "Yeah. Totally hot."

"Oh," John said a little breathlessly. John's eyes grew darker and Rod's breath caught and his heart thumped faster as John slowly, slowly leaned across the table and then carefully, gently pressed his lips to Rod's.

Rod moved his lips against John's as they pressed repeated kisses on each others' mouths. John's lips were lush against his and he could taste just a hint of the mint of John's toothpaste. He opened his mouth to lick his tongue across John's lips when a loud gurgling noise emanated from Rod's stomach.

John gave a soft huff of laughter against Rod's mouth and then drew away to sit back in his chair. "Perhaps we should eat first?" he said with a light teasing tone that Rod had never heard from John before.

The teasing made John even sexier, and Rod's heart skipped a beat as he forgot about cursing his stomach for breaking the moment. "If you don't think your stomach will protest now," he teased gently back.

John's face broke out into a sunny smile. "Actually, I think that drink worked. My stomach is feeling a lot better now."

"Good," Rod replied, smiling goofily. He brought a forkful of the Wellington up and offered it to John. "Here, try this. I've had it before. It's good."

John gave the fork a wry look but obediently opened his mouth and let Rod slip it in. Rod drew the fork away after John's lips closed around the food and thought dirty, dirty things about them as John chewed the mouthful.

"It's good," John said after he'd swallowed. He then picked up his fork and speared a small piece of pseudo-asparagus and presented it to Rod. "Your turn," he said playfully.

Rod leaned closer and sucked the spear into his mouth with an obscene slurp. He then licked his lips while staring hotly at John and chewed the vegetable with a smile as John shifted uncomfortably in his chair and gave him a look a sheer want.

John cleared his throat and grabbed the bottle of Turesian wine that had been chilling in a bucket and poured some into each of their glasses. He lifted his and said with a raspy voice, "To a pleasant evening."

Rod lifted his glass and tapped it against John's. "To a pleasant evening."

***

So this was what a date was like, thought John in a fog as Rod pornographically sucked in another vegetable spear. The lack of underwear had had his dick twitching since he'd gotten dressed, and since Rod had shown up in that blue muscle shirt and made it very clear that he found John hot, John had been totally turned on. He also felt a little thrill that for once, _he'd_ been on the ball enough to initiate the first kiss. John shivered deliciously at the leer Rod shot his way as John gave his own piece of pseudo-asparagus a lascivious tonguing as he put it into his mouth. John had never had so much fun eating a vegetable in his life even though it was too pea-like in flavor to appeal to him much.

They both polished off the last of the Wellington and Rod picked up the applum pastry and broke off a piece. "Dessert?" Rod said as he held out the tidbit towards John.

John didn't really understand _why_ Rod felt a compulsion to feed him, but he was really beginning to enjoy it nonetheless. John opened his mouth and let Rod slip the bit of pastry in, closing his lips over Rod's fingertips and sucking the sweetness off of them as Rod drew his fingers away. Rod gave a low groan and John wondered again, why hadn't he ever gotten around to asking someone out on a date_ before_?

John finished chewing and ripped off a bit of the pastry himself to feed Rod. As he deposited it into Rod's mouth, Rod reached up and held John's wrist in place as he sucked each of John's fingers in turn. The sensation shot straight to John's cock and his breathing sped up. John gave a faint moan himself as Rod's hot gaze swept over him as Rod sucked every molecule of sweet off John's fingers.

Fuck dessert. They could eat it later. "Movie now?" John asked breathlessly.

"Yeah," Rod said unsteadily, as he drew John up with him by the hand.

John pulled him over to the couch, shoved a random DVD into his personal laptop and hit play. Totally ignoring the movie, John placed his hands on either side of Rod's face and pulled him in for a searing kiss, feeling a little smug that he'd managed to take the initiative twice tonight.

Rod's lips were lush and wet under his, and Rod's hands slid down his back like hot lava as he returned John's kiss with one of his own. John whined in the back of his throat and slid his hands down and around Rod to pull him closer.

Rod responded by slipping his broad palms up under John's t-shirt and John shivered briefly under his touch. John nipped at Rod's bottom lip, silently begging entrance into his mouth.

Rod's lips parted to let him in and John ran his tongue delicately over the tip of Rod's tongue, teasing it briefly before sucking in Rod's lower lip. Rod retaliated by sucking in John's upper lip, then slipping his tongue past his lips to tease John's tongue in turn.

John pushed bodily against Rod as he mindlessly sought to get closer to the delicious warm and lush wetness. Rod chuckled into his mouth and twisted until he was lying flat on the couch, John draped over him.

John groaned and buried his face into Rod's shoulder, grinding his pelvis into Rod's. Rod's hands slid down to cup John's ass and John panted out, "Oh, god!" tensed up and bit his bottom lip and fought the urge to come in his pants. It had been far too long since he'd had sex with anyone and his control was almost nonexistent. It took nearly biting his lip through to come back from the edge.

"John? You okay?" Rod said in a worried tone, his hands frozen on John's ass.

John reluctantly peeled himself away from Rod to stand by the sofa. He shook from the absence of Rod's heat. He took a couple of deep, ragged breaths, licked his swollen lips then replied, "I'm...I'm okay." A shudder ran through him. "Jesus, I'm too close."

Rod sat up and regarded John with blown eyes. "Wow, you are, aren't you? That is _so_ hot."

"I'm sorry," John said, a little apologetically. He wanted to savor this, not pop off immediately. "It's been a while for me. I'm not sure I can hold out for very long."

Rod gave him a surprisingly soft smile and pulled John closer to him by a belt loop on his jeans. "Silly, we can always take longer the second time around." He then popped the button on John's jeans, pulled down the zipper, and gently pulled out John's engorged penis from its confinement and slid it into his mouth.

John immediately grabbed Rod by the shoulders and gave a deep moan as he emptied himself into the wet heat that surrounded his cock. His vision grayed and his hearing fuzzed out from the strength of his orgasm and he twitched and whined as Rod sucked hard on his cock to pull every last bit of come out of his balls. It almost hurt, it felt so good, and John didn't want it to end.

Rod seemed to realize that because he continued to suck and lick John's dick until it had completely deflated and John was whimpering from the overload of sensation. He pulled off with a wet pop and John's knees gave out on him and he half-collapsed on top of Rod.

Rod chuckled again and manhandled John back onto the couch, his penis still hanging out of his undone jeans. "I can't believe you went commando. What did Ronon do, burn all your boxers?"

John lolled against Rod in post-orgasmic lethargy. "Teyla wouldn' le' me wear any," he managed to slur out. "She picked my clothes."

Rod laughed dirtily and ran the fingers of one hand through John's pubic hair. "She's got good taste, then."

John blinked sleepily at Rod and recalled that he'd not gotten Rod off yet. "Hey," he said as he slid a hand down Rod's side, "what can I do for you?"

Rod gave him an intense look, his eyes black pools rimmed with blue. "Anything, John. Anything you want."

John's breath caught. He'd always wanted to take his time with someone, draw it out and make it last, but every sexual encounter he'd had to date had wound up being fast and dirty. But this was different. This was a date, not frantic scramblings in a lab. He'd failed in his own orgasm, but maybe, just maybe..."Can I take your clothes off?"

"Sure," Rod replied, stroking John's back. "I meant it. Anything that you want. I'm all yours. Just...could you undress too?"

"Yeah, sure," John said unsteadily and clambered to his feet and quickly yanked his clothes off. Rod smiled at him and he smiled back shyly and pulled Rod up to his feet. "Come over to the bed?"

Rod gave his hand a quick squeeze, toed off his shoes and let John pull him over to his bed. John stood there for a second, staring at Rod, and then reached out with shaky hands and lifted Rod's shirt up over his head. Rod bent over a bit and allowed John to pull it off him. John dropped the shirt on the floor and reached out one hand to delicately trace over Rod's pectorals. The flesh underneath his fingertips pebbled up in gooseflesh and Rod's nipples rose into hard, tight nubs. John rubbed a single fingertip over one, entranced. He then leaned in and gave it a gentle lick. He came away and rubbed it with his finger again, watching the light glisten on it where the saliva from his mouth was.

Rod sighed softly and John felt his chest move under his touch. Wanting more, he brought up his other hand and touched the other nipple, feeling it harden further as he rubbed it. John then lay a hand flat on each nipple and made slow circles with them, feeling the hardened nubs drag against his palms.

Rod shifted restlessly and John pulled his attention away from what he was doing to look at Rod's face. His eyes were closed and his mouth hung just the slightest bit open. John relaxed again and slowly sank to his knees, running his hands down Rod's chest and belly as he went. Once on the floor, he undid Rod's jeans and pulled them down his legs. He noticed Rod's cock was erect and straining at the seams of his boxer briefs. John grasped the waistband of the briefs and gently eased them away from Rod's erection and down his legs to join the jeans puddled around Rod's feet. Unable to resist, John briefly rubbed his cheek against Rod's dick, taking in his scent and causing Rod to moan softly. John then carefully raised each of his feet in turn and slipped the clothing off, making sure to take Rod's socks as he went.

He glanced up as Rod's hand touched the side of is face. "This okay?" John asked tentatively, rubbing his palms on Rod's outer thighs.

Rod thumbed the side of John's face. "Very okay. You want me on the bed?"

John shook his head, "Not yet," and nuzzled the inside of Rod's right thigh.

Rod let out a small noise and moved his hands up into John's hair as John lipped and stroked his powerful thighs. "all right," Rod said breathlessly, "I'll just stand here till you tell me otherwise, then. You're in charge."

John smiled joyfully and buried his face into the crease where Rod's leg met his body, nosing at the crinkly hair there. Yeah, this was what he'd wanted. It was so nice to be able to take his time for a change.

John stroked the back of Rod's calves, nibbled at his thighs, nosed at his lightly furred balls. He licked the back of Rod's knees, ran his nails through Rod's bush, squeezed his muscular ass. John ran his hands over Rod's trembling stomach, lightly kissed the length of Rod's cock, ran his thumbs over Rod's toes. He reveled in the sensations as Rod twitched and groaned softly under the assault.

His knees started to protest at the lengthy kneeling, so John worked his way up Rod's body, kissing his stomach, licking both his nipples, biting his way up Rod's neck. Rod's hands pulled John's face to his and they kissed lushly as John's nails lightly raked down Rod's back.

John pulled himself reluctantly away from the kiss and whispered roughly, "Get on the bed for me?"

Rod pulled away and lay down on John's bed, his eyes hot with desire. He put a hand out to John and John took it, allowing himself to be pulled on top of Rod. John then captured Rod's hand and pulled them up over his head. "Stay."

Rod grabbed the headboard and nodded and John returned his attention to getting to know every part of Rod's body. He ran his fingers over Rod's chest, following with his mouth, tasting Rod's sweat as Rod twisted below him. He followed down Rod's treasure trail, raking his nails over Rod's abs, tonguing his bellybutton as Rod gave a strangled cry somewhere between a giggle and a whimper. He elbowed his way between Rod's quivering thighs, lipped randomly along his cock, his hand gently cradled Rod's balls as Rod broke his silence to gibber brokenly, "Please, please, oh please."

John ignored Rod's pleading and sat back on his heels, pulling up one of Rod's legs to nip at the inside of his thigh. He continued nipping, moving down Rod's leg to his ankle, sucking hard on the knob and coming off with a wet pop. Looking very deliberately at Rod's face, he slipped Rod's big toe into his mouth and sucked lewdly on it, twirling his tongue around it as Rod became ever more frantically aroused. "Oh..._god_!" Rod cried out brokenly as his biceps flexed from clutching harder to the headboard.

John pulled off Rod's toe with a wet slurp and leaned forward to nibble on the inside of Rod's other thigh as Rod gave a high whine. He worked his way down the other leg, nipping and licking as Rod cursed and shivered, sweating profusely. He took Rod's other big toe into his mouth as Rod cried, "Jesus, John!" and gave a useless thrust of his hips as John caressed it with his tongue.

John released Rod's toe and laid his hands on Rod's thighs, spreading him wide. Rod stared at him wild-eyed as John leaned forward and ran his tongue from behind Rod's balls, up over them and up the length of Rod's stiff red cock, flicking away lightly at tip. Rod gave a choked noise and the muscles under John's hands jumped wildly. John opened his mouth wider and took in the head of Rod's cock as Rod threw back his head and gave a throaty moan. John slipped his tongue into the slit, gave an experimental suck and Rod's body arched underneath him. John settled in and focused on making it good for Rod, taking in as much as he could then slowly drawing back, flicking his tongue in the slit and around the underside of the head on the upstroke. Rod was now coated in a sheen of sweat and felt a little slippery under John's hands as he rode Rod with his mouth, listening to Rod moan and curse randomly.

John's jaws were starting to ache when Rod squirmed upwards with a shout and his cock pulsed out shot after shot of come into John's mouth. John swallowed repeatedly, struggling to keep up with the amount. Once his mouth was clear of come, he tongued the cock slowly softening in his mouth, unwilling to release it just yet. Rod's thighs quivered under his hands as he gently sucked and listened to Rod's panting. It was only when Rod made a noise that sounded closer to pain than pleasure that John pulled away from Rod's dick and looked up at him.

Rod had released the headboard and lay sprawled on John's bed with his eyes closed and his chest heaving. It was an utterly hot vision and John started as his dick gave a heavy throb at the view. He looked down and confirmed that he was hard again. Wow. John looked over at his alarm clock and saw that he'd been busy with Rod for well over an hour and a half. John stretched himself out over top of Rod and subtly ground is cock into the crease of Rod's thigh.

Rod's eyes snapped open and he turned to regard John with shock. "Oh my god, you're hard again. You are going to kill me with sex," he said with barely suppressed laughter.

John froze for a moment, then pushed himself up off of Rod. Rod's broad hands landed on his shoulders and prevented him from getting up off the bed. "John," Rod said softly, staring at him intently, "it wasn't a complaint."

He pulled at John's shoulders, dragging him back down onto the miles of warm skin that John craved like a drug. John burrowed his head into crook of Rod's neck. Rod's left hand swept down John's back, coming to rest on his butt cheek. John shuddered a bit as Rod's gave it a firm squeeze and whispered into his ear, "Rub off on me, John. Push your dick against me while I touch you."

John shivered as Rod's hot breath hit his ear and he ground his hips against Rod's. Rod whispered, "That's right John. Rut on me," and slid the hand resting on John's ass over to stroke his fingertips down into the crease of John's ass. John gave a sudden buck against Rod's hand.

Rod nuzzled John's ear. "Oh! You like that?" He stroked his fingers into the crease of John's ass again and ran the tip of his forefinger over John's pucker.

John gave a small whine and arched his ass back towards Rod's touch. He loved having his ass played with. He wanted more. "Yes," he hissed into Rod's neck.

"You want more?" Rod asked, sliding his forefinger over John's pucker again.

"God, yes," John moaned arching into the touch. It had been so long since anyone had done this for him.

Rod turned his head to kiss the side of John's face and said, "Okay then. I have an idea. Instead of rubbing off on me, let me up, then lay face down on the bed."

John reluctantly pulled himself off Rod, watched him get off the bed with blown pupils and then lay back down on the bed, face down as requested. He then felt the bed dip as Rod kneeled onto the bed between his legs.

"Hm. This bed is shorter than I thought," Rod said in a thoughtful tone. "How about you get up on your hands and knees instead?"

John wiggled his way up onto his knees, wondering what exactly Rod had in mind. Then Rod spread his cheeks apart and _licked_ him and John suddenly became a whimpering mess. Oh Jesus. This was...this was...oh Jesus, John's brain stuttered as Rod's tongue laved again over his pucker. John clutched at his pillow and buried his face in it to stifle the embarrassing noises that threatened to spill out of him. Oh god. Rod ran his tongue in broad stripes across John's pucker over and over as John quivered under the onslaught, slowly losing his mind. His whole body was awash with the sensation and his brain had checked out for the duration. After a while Rod changed tactics and John felt the tip of Rod's tongue circling around and flicking over his pucker. John broke out in a sweat and gave a high whine in the back of his throat. It felt fabulous and all the nerves tingled where Rod lavished his attention, licking at the edges. John felt as though his spine was turning to Jell-O. It was intense and wonderful and no one had ever done this to him before. As Rod's tongue continued its dance, John leaned into it, his thighs shaking. Rod took that as a hint to step up what he was doing because soon John felt Rod put the tip of his tongue into the opening of his ass and push his tongue in. John's last vestige of self control broke at that point and he cried out loudly. Rod hummed, making John keen brokenly, and began thrusting his tongue boldly into him, holding onto John firmly to prevent him from rocking back and forth too much. John took it, panting harshly. When he was wet and loose, open and wanting Rodney slipped a finger in, licking around the edge again as he crooked his finger and ran the pad of it firmly over John's sweet spot and John gave a choked cry. Rod continued his assault, fingering and licking as his other hand came up and gently cupped John's hanging balls. John grabbed at his pillow spasmodically and jammed it into his face so he could gibber into it. Then Rod's hand slid forward and grasped John's cock and John fell apart, shaking and groaning, feeling as if he were going to die from the intensity as Rod continued to finger and stroke him through his orgasm.

As the aftershocks passed, John felt Rod gently withdraw his finger from John's ass and his hand from John's limp cock. John collapsed onto the bed, headless of the wet spot, utterly spent. His entire body felt like overcooked noodles, limp and boneless.

Rod lay down next to him on his side with his head propped in his hand, smiling faintly. "I take it that worked for you."

John licked his dry lips and croaked, "Yeah." Boy had it ever. He reached over and threw one shaking arm over Rod's waist. "Stay?"

"Sure," murmured Rod as he stroked John's back with one large, competent hand.

John inched over a bit and nuzzled into Rod's neck. His eyes sagged shut as he mumbled "Good," into Rod's chest and then he sank into sleep, sated and happier than he ever thought he'd be.

***

Over the next couple of days, Rod noted that John continued to weird people out but at least now he knew what was putting the shy and goofy smile on John's face. Feeling rather smug after a nice slow session of fucking John into the mattress earlier that morning, Rod had headed out to the gym for his sparring session with Ronon, leaving a happy and completely fucked out John asleep in the wreckage of his bed.

Teyla and Ronon both gave him amused glances as he came into the gym. Okay, he might possibly also have something of a stupidly happy expression himself, Rod admitted. He exchanged pleasantries with Teyla on her way out and then settled into his usual routine of having his ass handed to him by Ronon. Just as they were finishing up and Rod was mentally counting his bruises, Rod's radio buzzed. He fished it out of his bag and stuck it in his ear as he wiped his face with a towel. "McKay here."

"Rod? I need you in the control room. I have something here that you need to see," Elizabeth said over the radio. She sounded a little hesitant.

Rod frowned, wondering what the problem was. "Sure thing, Elizabeth. Uh, do I have time for a quick shower first? I just finished sparring and I'm pretty ripe."

"Certainly Rod. It's not an emergency. It's just...well, you'll see when you get here," Elizabeth replied.

Rod made puzzled face at that and threw everything in his bag, absentmindedly waving goodbye to Ronon as he headed out the door. He supposed whatever it was would become clear enough when he got to the control room.

A super quick shower back at his quarters and a change of clothing later, Rod showed up at the control room. He noticed that everyone in the gate area was looking a little shell-shocked and several people kept glancing furtively at Elizabeth's office. He raised a curious eyebrow and trotted up the stairs and up to the door to Elizabeth's office. The door slid open, Rod stepped in and opened his mouth to ask Elizabeth what was up only to stop in shock at what he saw.

There, sprawled casually in a chair, seemingly heedless to the freaked out marines and a boggling Colonel Lorne standing behind him, was Colonel John Sheppard. The Colonel quirked up an eyebrow and asked, "Hey there. You the same Rod that showed up a while back in my universe?"

Rod snapped his mouth shut and collected himself. "Yes, actually. I hope you don't take this wrong, but why are you _here_?"

"That's why I wanted you to come up here, Rod." Elizabeth interjected. "A little while ago Chuck noted a huge energy surge in the gate. Then the wormhole opened up and literally spit the Colonel out before we could engage the shield."

Colonel Sheppard rubbed the back of his head ruefully. "Yeah. Apparently Rodney was right to be paranoid about that electrical storm on P5J-176. The landing was kind of hard, but I'd rather that that happened instead of getting splattered like a bug against a car window on the gate shield." A thoughtful look drifted across his face and he then asked, "I'm not going to suffer that entropic failure thingie while I'm here, am I?"

Rod blinked and answered on autopilot, "No, that's only a side affect of transdimensional travel if you use one of the Ancient quantum mirrors." Oh my god, the Colonel was really here. John was going to going to lose his shit when he found out his alternate was here.

Colonel Sheppard made a perky head tilt. "Great," he said cheerily. "Guess that means I can relax while you figure out how to get me back home."

The marines and Colonel Lorne continued to look incredulously at Colonel Sheppard as Elizabeth relaxed and smiled. Apparently confirming that this was the same Colonel Sheppard he'd run into before eased her fears that this version of Sheppard was a security risk. She nodded at Colonel Sheppard cordially and replied, "We will certainly do our best, Colonel Sheppard." She then turned to Rod. "Rod, if you and Evan could show our guest to the infirmary to get checked over and have the bump on his head treated, I'll arrange for some guest quarters for him while we figure out how to get him back home."

Colonel Sheppard grinned at Elizabeth as he stood up. "Much obliged, Dr. Weir. I'll try to not overstay my welcome." Rod noted that this slouching, drawling, loose, glasses-free version of John was still really freaking out the marines and Lorne.

Rod forced his face into a friendly grin and waved the Colonel over. "Come on, Colonel. Let's get the ritual bloodletting over with. I'm sure you'll like meeting our Carson."

The Colonel smirked lazily as he joined Rod in walking out of the office, Lorne and the marines trailing behind in confusion. "Sure thing, Rod."

They made their way to the infirmary, speaking desultorily about golf, and Rod deposited the Colonel into Carson's bemused clutches. As Carson led the Colonel away for examination and treatment, Lorne said in a low tone to Rod, "That's really, _really_ weird. _Our_ Sheppard has more military deportment than that guy. You sure he's their military commander?"

"Positive. They seemed to think his behavior was normal there," Rod murmured.

"So the rest of their military was that...casual?" Lorne asked, still staring at the curtain.

Rod shook his head. "No, just him. But apparently he's really good at killing people that try to take his city. He's just as attached to his Atlantis as John is to ours."

Lorne grimaced, obviously remembering some of John's proprietary behavior in regards to the city. "That's...kind of scary, actually." He shook his head as if to rid himself of a thought.

Rod then cleared his throat and said in a louder tone, "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to round up Radek and get started on figuring out how to get our guest back home." He then turned and booked out of the infirmary, already running theories through his head on how to get the Colonel back home as soon a possible to avoid thinking about what John's reaction would be to the Colonel's presence here in this universe.

***

John woke up alone to the sound of his radio buzzing madly. Blinking muzzily, he grabbed it and stuck it into his ear. "This is Dr. Sheppard," he mumbled.

Teyla's voice came clearly over radio. "Did I awaken you?"

"Yeah. What's up?" John asked, rolling over to look at his clock, ignoring the fact that the sheet was stuck to his chest hair. It wasn't that late, but Rod was an early riser and had probably already gone to spar with Ronon. He smiled as the slight soreness in his ass reminded him of his early morning love making session with Rod.

Teyla interrupted his musings, her voice terse and strained. "Stay there. I will be at your quarters momentarily."

"What's..." he started to ask, then heard her radio click off. Whatever it was, Teyla didn't sound happy about it. Well, happy for Teyla anyway. John got up and peeled the sheet off with a grimace as it reluctantly parted company with his chest and pubic hair. Served him right for falling asleep face down in the wet spot, he supposed. He then quickly slipped into a pair of boxers and sweat pants and was getting a t-shirt over his head when he heard the door chime and Atlantis say, It is Teyla. "Come in," he said, giving Atlantis the go ahead to open the door.

Teyla came striding in as John pulled the t-shirt the rest of the way down with one hand while slipping his glasses on with the other. "There was an accident with the gate earlier this morning."

John looked at the grim expression on Teyla's face and felt his own drain white. "Rod?"

Teyla caught him by the elbow as he threatened to drop where he was. "Rod is fine, John," she said reassuringly as she guided him to a chair. "But there is something else that I feel you should be aware of before you go out today. "

John blinked up at her, relief that Rod was okay warring with the uneasy feeling Teyla's expression was giving him. "What?"

Teyla pursed her lips as if she'd tasted something sour. "The gate accident brought Colonel Sheppard here, John. I wished to forewarn you of his presence lest you be unpleasantly surprised."

The words thundered ominously through John's head. Colonel Fucking Perfect Sheppard...here? "You sure of this, Teyla?"

Teyla gave a sharp nod. "I saw him. He is very...casual." She made it sound like an insult. John wanted to kiss her feet for that. He now knew that at least in Teyla he had an ally.

"Where's Rod?" John then asked, afraid of the answer he'd get.

"He has already gone down to the labs and has started work on figuring out how to get this Colonel back to his own home universe," Teyla replied.

John nodded and started towards his closet to get his work uniform. He'd skip a shower for now. It was more important to do what he could to get that, that...interloper out of his universe.

John hit the labs and made an immediate beeline for the whiteboards, elbowing Simpson and Vogel out of the way. He took a quick look at the equations written up there so far and frowned, then erased a big chunk and rewrote it before noticing two people who weren't part of the normal background. There, standing next to Colonel Lorne and Rod was the alternate version of himself in a military expedition uniform, hands in his pockets, staring at him with his eyebrows raised. "So, you're the me here," the Colonel drawled. John was annoyed at the drawl and became even more pissed off when he realized that was probably the way _he_ sounded to everyone else.

Rod looked warily at both of them and John grabbed hold of his temper enough to grind out a not entirely hostile, "Yeah," at his double. He then turned around and smacked Simpson's hand as she tried to change a section he'd just fixed. "I'll handle the math, thank you," he gritted out in her direction.

Simpson and Vogel both backed away from the board as John turned to glower at the board and scribbled another line of equations. Good. Those idiots couldn't theorize their way out of a wet paper bag. Radek stepped in and smoothly asked the two of them to work on one of the more practical aspects of adjusting the gate as John furrowed his brow and immersed himself in the equations. If he used Reimannian geometry here and brought in the tenth dimension there...yes, that could yield something useful. He jumped as the Colonel's voice sounded next to his ear, "So, you got a PhD in math then?"

John turned to look the Colonel standing next to him, staring at what John had just written. John glanced back at the equations, wondering if the Colonel saw the same patterns he did. Somehow, he doubted it. "And aeronautical engineering and physics. You?"

The Colonel made a surprised face. "Wow. You're like my Rodney." He made a dismissive wave aimed at himself. "Just an MS in aeronautical engineering, myself."

Well, that confirmed that thought. The man was completely useless in getting himself back home. John made a face and went back to staring at the board.

The Colonel caught his expression and went, "Hey! I was busy learning to fly a bunch of planes and helicopters."

John's gut clenched. There was no way he was going to get any work done with this, this...flyboy breathing down his neck. His pushed up his glasses and turned to look at his alternate. "Then you would probably prefer to go fly one of the gateships with Colonel Lorne than hang around here then, Colonel," he said with what he thought was admirable restraint.

Rod grabbed the Colonel by the shoulder and hauled him away. "You know what, that's an excellent idea." He shoved the Colonel over to Lorne, saying, "Evan, why don't you take the Colonel to the gateship bay and go check out the gateships, see if there are any differences between his and ours."

Lorne took one look at Rod's plastic smile and John's compressed lips and practically hauled the Colonel out by his jacket, babbling something about the drone capabilities and inertial dampeners to him. As the doors closed behind them, everyone turned from staring at the Colonel to staring at John.

Rod made everyone in the room jump in surprise as he barked, "Okay! Everybody back to work! We have someone who needs to get home ASAP and we can't afford to lollygag here!"

John managed to immerse himself back into the math. If he focused enough, maybe they'd be able to get that guy back to his own dimension by dinner-time.

***

Unfortunately, they didn't find a quick solution and the Colonel was still with them that evening. Rod was torn. As the only person who had met the Colonel before, he felt kind of obligated to invite him to dinner with his team. On the other hand, John looked like he was going to have apoplexy every time he was in the same room with the Colonel. Rod really didn't know what to do. He had a whole new sympathy for Rodney in the other universe now that he was seeing it from the outsider's perspective.

Finally, he bit the bullet and invited the Colonel to dinner with the team. Predictably, it was a very awkward meal with a continuous line of gawkers going past their table as the Colonel smirked at them all and John pushed his food around on the plate in a faint pretense of eating. Rod went back in the food line and had the cooks box up something for later because he was sure that John had not eaten all day because of the situation. The whole thing was made even worse by the Colonel's occasional attempts to draw John out in conversation. Fortunately, after the first few monosyllabic responses he got, the Colonel stopped trying and simply spoke with Rod for the most part, barring a few grunts from Ronon and an arch look or two from Teyla.

Lorne came by at the end of the meal and took the Colonel to his quarters as John escaped out of the mess hall. Rod, Teyla and Ronon all looked at each other. "You gonna go settle him down?" Ronon asked Rod point blank.

Rod grimaced and held up the container of food he held. "I'm hoping to feed him somewhere where there aren't a million gawkers. Failing that, I'll take him up in a gateship."

Teyla leveled a look at him. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

Rod sighed. He was waiting for John to calm down some on his own first. If that was even likely. A lot went on up in that man's head, and apparently a much of it was not good stuff. He got up. "Goodnight guys. See you tomorrow."

They both murmured their goodbyes in return and Rod headed towards the lab. He'd bet good beer that John was back in the lab frantically working on equations to get the Colonel back where he belonged. Sure enough, he saw John glaring at the boards as he came through the door.

"John," he said softly, setting down the food and sitting in a chair next to the whiteboard, "Let's call it a day, okay? We'll go back to your place, have a little food."

"Not hungry," John replied, not moving his eyes from the board. "I'm missing something here..." he tapped at a section that had everyone stumped when dinnertime came round.

Rod sighed, got up and gently turned John around by the shoulders. "John, stop."

John looked back at him, his mouth tight and his eyes muddy with some emotion Rod wasn't sure how to interpret. "Rod, I need to work..."

"...on this later," Rod finished for him. "You haven't eaten at all today and no, shoving food around your plate at dinner does not count." He gave John's shoulders a gentle squeeze. "Come on."

John got a mulish look on his face and crossed his arms. "No, Rod. I've got a job to do."

"And I'm trying to take care of my boyfriend," Rod replied. "You need food and you need rest. It can wait till tomorrow."

John shook his head and pulled himself out of Rod's grasp. "I can't do either of those right now, Rod, so I might as well work."

"John..." Rod whined, "Okay fine, you're freaked out. Come back to my room and talk to me about what it is that's freaking you out about him and I'll give you a back rub or something."

John wrapped his arms around himself in a protective stance. "I can't."

Rod realized that this was getting him nowhere and decided to switch tactics. "Well, then how about you take a little break and we take one of gateships out for a spin?"

John turned away from him and wrote something down on the board, saying, "Can't. This is more important."

"Oh for Pete's sake!" Rod flinging his hands out in disbelief. He'd been _sure_ that John would at least go for a little flight time. "It's not that much of a fucking emergency! He's not going to die or anything!"

John whirled around and shouted at him, "But he'll still fucking _be here_!"

Rod took in the tense quiver of John's body and suddenly understood. He slipped his arms around his stiff and unresponsive boyfriend and murmured in his ear, "I still like you better than him, John. He's not going to take your place. Just like I didn't take their Rodney's place." Rod felt John slowly relax into him and he tightened his arms around John more and kissed the tip of his ear before whispering, "You're the one that I want."

John reached up and wrapped his arms around Rod. After several minutes of just hugging, Rod pulled away and looked at John. He no longer looked hunted, which relieved Rod immensely. He smiled softly at John and then tugged on an arm and said, "Let's go to bed, John. Together. Tomorrow's another day."

John nodded quietly and followed.

***

Despite Rod's repeated declarations that he liked John best, the Colonel's presence continued to wear on John's nerves over the next several days. Particularly since he was wearing himself to a frazzle trying to figure out how to send the damned man back while Rod kept played personal entertainment director to his double every time John turned around.

"Rod went where?" John asked Teyla again as they sat at the table, his eyes narrowing dangerously as he ignored the congealing oatmeal Teyla had brought to his room and forced onto him for breakfast. John was really not happy. He'd woken up alone _again_ because Rod apparently felt it was more important to keep the Colonel amused during his stay here.

Teyla grimaced. "Rod took the Colonel off to do some of that pointless golfing."

John face drew up in a tight frown. "I see."

Teyla gave him a helpless look. "Rod is...very hospitable and polite. I believe he feels responsible for the Colonel because he had already met him."

John clenched his hands around the edge of the table and forced himself to breathe. Once he felt like he wasn't going to scream anymore, he licked his lips and asked, "Did he say if he was going to make it to the lab today?"

"I heard him page Dr. Zelenka to tell him that both of them would come to the lab sometime around 0930 or 1000, I believe." Teyla said soberly, fiddling with a mug of tepid tea at the side of her plate.

John scowled at what he heard. "_Both_ of them?" As if that damned _pilot_ were any use at all in the labs. All he did was throw paper airplanes and ask distracting questions. John's nose flared and his lips thinned into nothingness as everything in his field of vision took on a faint red hue. That. Was. It.

John checked the time on his clock, stood up and looked at Teyla. "Teyla...could you pick out my clothes again?"

Teyla leaned back in her chair and gave him an appraising look. "You intend to make your claim on Rod clear to this Colonel." she stated.

John gave a tight nod. No jumped up pilot from another universe was going to lure Rod away from him with golf and, and _leaning_ now that he'd finally gotten him, damn it. He was going to show that jerk once and for all that Rod was _his_.

Teyla gave a feral smile. "Good. I do not like him." She then crossed over his room to the closet and started digging through it.

After a shower and Teyla's critical ministrations, John headed down to the labs. Halfway there, Ronon showed up, gave him the once over and walked beside him for a moment before saying, "I see Teyla's been dressing you again."

John nodded curtly and resolutely ignored the fact that he was going commando again. He really needed to get some underwear that passed Teyla's requirements.

"Got a plan?" Ronon asked. John shrugged. He figured he'd think of something when he got there, although the vague idea of punching out Colonel Fucking Sheppard was featuring prominently at the moment.

Ronon could obviously read John's mind, because he then said, "You can't take him in hand to hand. He's military and has had more training than you. Drag Rod off into a closet and suck some really big possession marks on him instead."

John briefly considered what Ronon said and then nodded. "Okay."

Ronon reached over as they approached the doorway to the labs and gave John a hearty slap on the back. "Get your man, Sheppard."

John narrowed his eyes as he shoved his glasses back up his nose. "I intend to."

Ronon leaned against the wall and watched with a bemused smirk as John marched determinedly into the labs.

***

Rod watched the door nervously with one eye as he debated with Radek over the equations they were working on concerning adjusting the stargate to get the Colonel back home. It was almost 1030 and John still hadn't come in to work yet. Rod was feeling guilty as hell about having left him again that morning to go golfing with the Colonel, but he wanted to return the hospitality he'd experienced in the other universe and the rest of his team was not helping in the slightest in that regard. The Colonel himself sprawled in a chair next to them, looking around in amusement at all the scientists staring at him when Radek was too busy to frown at them. Miko, naturally, was plying the man with donuts that she normally forced on John.

The door shot open and a rather grim looking John came striding in, dressed in an outfit that rivaled what he'd worn on their first date. Colonel Sheppard oozed up out of his chair and gave his counterpart a cheeky wave, saying, "Hey there. Thought I'd drop by for a visit."

John gave the Colonel a such a withering look that the Colonel backed away with his hands up as John stalked past him to grab Rod by the front of his shirt. "We need to talk."

Rod blinked as John dragged him towards John's closet office. "Sure," he said faintly and blinked again as John grabbed Simpson's bottle of hypo-allergenic hand lotion off her work table with his other hand as he steamed toward the office door. "Um, John?"

John slung him through the doorway forcefully and Rod stumbled through it and into the office, trying to keep his balance and avoid plowing into John's desk. Good god, John must have a lot of adrenaline in his system, because Rod knew he was too solid to sling around like this easily.

The door shut behind John with a decisive snick and John slammed the lotion down on a nearby shelf, grabbed the back of Rod's jacket, yanked it down to his elbows and then swung him around till Rod's back hit with a thump against the door. Rod tried to catch his breath as John slammed his chest up against his, growled hotly, "You are _not_ the Colonel's keeper, babysitter or buddy, Rod. You are _my_ boyfriend and I have had enough of this. You are not ever going to leave me to play golf with him again, got it?" and then attacked Rod's neck with his mouth.

Rod meeped in surprise. He'd never expected this kind of behavior from John. He was kind of scary when he was like this. Oh, and screamingly hot too, he added as John roughly opened his pants and jammed his hand into Rod's briefs to grip his rock hard cock, causing Rod to suck his breath in.

John worried his neck viciously, raising a huge hickey while his hand whipped over Rod's dick. Rod tried to raise a hand to pet John and reassure him, but John bit into his neck and growled low in his throat, pushing his chest hard against Rod's. Rod got the message, relaxed under John's weight and prepared himself to ride it out until John got this out of his system.

John eased up as Rod relaxed under him and released Rod long enough to finish ripping off his jacket, flinging it in a corner. He then flattened Rod back against the door and took possession of Rod's mouth, plundering it mercilessly with his tongue as he scrabbled Rod's pants and briefs down to his knees.

Rod sucked air into his burning lungs when John finally deigned to pull away and saw John nab the bottle of lotion right before he grabbed Rod by the neck and thrust him face down onto John's desk. Rod heard the bottle hit the desk by his head and the zipper of John's pants go down. John's cock settled in the crease of Rod's ass as John leaned down, still holding onto the back of his neck and hissed in his ear, "I'm taking you, Rod. Right here, right now. Because you're _mine_."

Rod's brain melted a little at the sheer overpowering possessiveness John was showing. This was hot. Fiery, _scorchingly_ hot. He whimpered and went limp against the desk, spreading his legs as much as his pants allowed as he heard John pump some lotion onto his fingers. John's torso lifted off his back and Rod felt John's lotion covered finger swirl briefly around his pucker before thrusting in.

Rod moaned as John tagged his sweet spot on the first try. John then briskly pumped his finger in and out for a minute or two, hitting it repeatedly before pulling it out entirely. As Rod lay there trembling from the delicious assault he heard John apply more lotion to his fingers and did his best to relax for what he knew was coming next.

Two fingers thrust into him and Rod hissed at the stretch. It had been a quite while since he'd been on the bottom and he was pretty tight to be doing something this wild and out of control. John's thumb stroked over the back of his ear in apology as John pulled his fingers out and got more lotion on them before pushing in again, a hair more slowly this time. Rod relaxed a bit more as he realized that John was not completely out of control and burn of the stretch faded away. The first few strokes were slow, and then John went back to fingerfucking Rod at a fast and furious pace. Rod panted and shook under the onslaught, his cock hard and aching.

Once again John pulled out and Rod whined a bit at the empty feeling he left behind. He heard the pump of the bottle of lotion again and then John pushed three fingers slowly and inexorably into Rod's ass, stretching him wide open. Rod moaned and thrust his ass up onto John's fingers, uncaring of the burn, wanting the feeling of being filled again. John pushing his fingers in as far as he could get them and then deliberately and firmly stroked slowly over Rod's sweet spot. "You want me, don't you, Rod?" Rod moaned again and John's fingers made a more pointed jab at his prostate. "Don't you? Answer me, Rod."

"Yesssss," Rod said desperately, his ass quivering around its impalement on John's fingers. "God, yes, pleassse."

John's grip on the back of Rod's neck firmed up and he slammed his fingers over and over into Rod, tagging the sensitive spot relentlessly. "You want my cock to do this to you, don't you? You're hungry for it. You're begging for it."

Rod writhed under the John's ministrations and wailed, "Yessss! Yes, damn it! Fuck me! Please, just fuck me!"

John jerked his fingers out abruptly and Rod whined again at the loss. He then heard John get more lotion out of the bottle and slick himself up with a hiss as the cold lotion hit John's cock. Then the head of John's cock pressed against Rod's hole and John growled, "I will," as he grabbed hold of both of Rod's shoulders and powered his cock into Rod's ass.

Rod cried out as he was split open, filled with John cock, trapped against the desk by John's weight pushing on him. It was glorious. "You're mine now," John said harshly. He pulled out and slammed in again, hard. "You hear that? _Mine_!"

Rod gasped at the tidal wave of sensation and gripped hard onto the edge of the desk with his hands as John began to ride him hard. "You understand that, McKay? Mine! Mine, mine, mine!" he chanted as he shoved himself balls deep into Rod over and over, pulling Rod back onto his cock as well a slamming his hips into him.

"Yessss!" Rod howled as John pounded into him, his balls slapping lewdly against Rod's. He was John's, absolutely and irrevocably.

John leaned into Rod's back and roughly wrapped his arms around Rod's chest, making stars dance before Rod's eyes as the angle of his thrusts changed to slam more directly into Rod's sweet spot. "Say it again, Rod. Say it! Say it!" he rasped into Rod's ear as he continued driving his cock into Rod's ass at a punishing pace.

"Oh...god! Yours! Yours! Yes! Yours!" Rod shouted out in time to John's thrusts into him. He was going to come. He felt it in every nerve, with every hit against his prostate. John wasn't even going to have to touch his dick. He'd never come solely from being fucked before, but he was going to do it...now. He groaned until he ran out of air as semen came shooting out of his cock in long pulses to land on the floor underneath John's desk. One spurt. Two. Three. Four. Five, his hole clenching tightly around John as he continued to pound his way into Rod's ass heedless of Rod's orgasm.

His balls totally emptied and his legs feeling useless and shaky, Rod continued to cling to the desk as John's pounding into his ass grew ever more frenzied, his cock head still rubbing continuously over Rod's prostate, sending sparks of pleasure up Rod's spine, making him shudder helplessly. Finally, John bit into the back of Rod's neck, bucked into him one final time and froze, his cock throbbing hotly as he poured his come into Rod's ass, making a high, tight whine in the back of his throat as he came.

They lay there, quiet in the aftermath of their orgasms, breathing heavily. John released his bite on Rod's neck, but otherwise did not move. Rod felt the twitching of John's cock that signaled John's aftershocks as it slowly softened in his ass. After Rod had caught his breath a bit he said softly, "Better now?"

John's arms tightened around him and he tucked his hips more tightly against Rod's ass. "I...I think I got a little carried away." John replied, his voice gravelly and uncertain. "I was just going to...and then I...sorry."

Rod felt John clinging to him and got it. He let go of the desk with one hand and brought it down to pat John's arm gently as he held tightly onto Rod. "It's okay. I get it. I'm yours."

John shivered on top of him and then reluctantly drew away from Rod. Rod hissed as John's softened cock slid out of his well used ass, then levered himself up off the desk and turned to look at John.

John had grabbed some handiwipes from somewhere in his office and was giving himself a cursory cleanup. He then buttoned up his pants and returned Rod's gaze soberly through smudged glasses. Rod smiled at John as he handed Rod the container of handiwipes and he did a quick clean up too, smiling wryly at the greasy handprints on the shoulders of his t-shirt. Oh well. The jacket would cover those up well enough. Rod then hoisted his underwear and pants back up and John lifted a hand to gently touch the hickey on Rod's neck. "You okay?"

Rod was positive that he and chairs were not going to be bosom buddies for the next couple of days. "I'm fine," he replied softly, reaching up to stroke the back of John's hand.

John drew back and picked up Simpson's bottle of lotion while Rod recovered his jacket and slipped it back on. John then turned and stared at the door until it gave a click and opened. He strode out with a determined step, and then came to an abrupt halt as he saw the entire lab staring at him. His face set and he continued forward, putting the lotion bottle back on Simpson's desk absently as he made a beeline toward the whiteboards.

Rod followed more slowly, painfully aware from the expressions on everyone's faces that they'd all heard him and John have some rather wild and raucous sex. Rod smoothed his hair back down subconsciously, now hyper-aware of his sex rumpled appearance. Rod vowed silently to replace Simpson's lotion because he was sure from the look on her face that she was _never_ going to touch that bottle again. Not after what she'd just heard that they had done with the contents. He felt his face flush and he bent his head to avoid looking people in the eyes as he went up and joined John at the whiteboards. Zelenka still stood to one side of the whiteboards where Rod had left him earlier, his mouth hanging slightly open. Colonel Sheppard was nowhere in evidence.

John frowned at the boards, then wiped out a couple of sections of equations and started scribbling corrections. "You people can_not_ do math, can you?"

***

John walked into his room late that night, tired to the bone. After some awkwardness in the lab that he firmly ignored, they'd finally gotten around to doing a substantial amount of work in hammering out the theory of how to get his nemesis back into his own damned universe, but that success felt stale and flat compared to the shame of John's completely idiotic and all too public display of possessiveness towards Rod. He sighed and dropped down onto his bed. John really hadn't intended to go that far, but when he'd seen Colonel Fucking Sheppard lounging there like he owned the damned place, John admitted to himself that perhaps he'd gone just a little bit nuts at that point.

He kicked off his shoes and flopped backwards onto his bed. Once there, he grabbed the pillow which had fallen to the floor and clutched it over his stomach. God, he'd fucked up. It was painfully obvious to John that despite Rod's efforts at lightening up the awkwardness in the lab, he'd been kind of embarrassed by the whole thing. And if John had been feeling a little less psycho himself he probably would have been embarrassed too. _Everybody_ knew what John had done to Rod now. Gossip that hot spread like wildfire in Atlantis. And while he'd wanted to make it plain that Rod was his now, he wasn't at all sure now that that had been the way to go about it.

His door chimed and Atlantis informed him _Colonel Sheppard_ as the door slid open and the symbol of all his shortcomings walked into his room. Of _course_ the man would have the same ability with Atlantis, John sighed to himself. "What do you want?" he growled at the Colonel.

Colonel Sheppard shifted awkwardly, wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and gestured gracelessly with the other. "Um, sorry. She just let me in."

John shrugged grumpily. "She does that. She's a whore for the damned gene." He sat up on the bed and crossed his legs. "Why are you here, Colonel?"

The Colonel stuck his hands in his pockets and shuffled a bit. "So...you and Rod, huh?"

John thunked his head into the wall behind him. He'd only gotten a taste of Rod and now it was probably all over. "For a little while at least. He's probably not ever going to talk to me outside of work again now that I've utterly humiliated him. You win."

"Huh?" The Colonel looked at him with a confused expression. "What do you mean, I win?"

John turned and looked at his counterpart full on. "Do you know what I've had to put up with since Rod came back with stories of you?" He snorted. "I'm the evil twin, Colonel. You're _nice_. You do cool stuff. You're a hotshot pilot because you aren't blind as a fucking bat. You don't embarrass or piss off your friends and relatives. You _have_ friends and relatives. Attractive people probably throw themselves at your feet begging to have sex with you everywhere you go," John said bitterly.

"Jesus, fuck, not you too," the Colonel griped, rubbing his hair agitatedly. He paced for a moment in front of John then came over and sat down next to John and lifted a finger at him. "First of all, I'm not Captain Fucking Kirk. I never notice them fucking coming onto me and it always seems to come out bad for me, so I'd just as soon stay celibate nowadays, thanks." He then held up a second finger. "Second, I'm a big fat dork. Just because I'm a pilot doesn't mean I'm Tom Cruise, god damn it. Rodney and I trade trivia questions about comic books and Batman movies. _And_ I play chess with him." He sighed heavily and dropped his hand. "And you aren't the only one to have done stupid shit to your friends. Or embarrass your family."

"I don't have a family," John replied softly. Even after all these years, that fact still caused him pain. "Mom died in a car accident when I was seven."

The Colonel looked at him thoughtfully. "I lost Mom in that accident too," he replied back, just as softly. "What about Dad?

John shook his head and looked away. "Patrick Sheppard refused to have anything to do with me. Looking back on it, I think that they divorced because he was convinced that I wasn't his. Mom didn't have any relatives and everyone in the Sheppard family were all more in interested in staying in the will than taking me in. I bounced around a lot foster homes." Stuck in the system for nine miserable years until he'd declared his emancipation and gone to college on a full scholarship.

The Colonel sucked air in between his teeth. "Jesus! That...that sucks. They...they didn't divorce in my universe. Dad and I...Dad and I have other problems." They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a while before the Colonel then said, "Well, at least you have a family now. That's gotta count for something."

John looked back at him. "What are you talking about?"

The Colonel looked at him, surprised. "You got your team." He gestured outward towards the door. "Ronon, Teyla, and Rod. They're your family and they are the best that a guy could have. You can count on them."

John blinked in surprise. His team? As his family? "Teyla can barely stand me."

"Yeah, maybe, but she _hates_ me. She told me to my face that she wants me gone. She thinks my being here hurts you," the Colonel countered. He then grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "And apparently she's right." He put his hand back down and then gestured toward John. "Look, I don't know what you think I've got that's so much better than what you've got. I'm not perfect. Being in the military and being the commander sucks in a lot of ways. But you've got Atlantis." He reached out a stroked the wall absently and John felt the rising thrum from Atlantis. "And your own cool job. You can't honestly tell me that you hate what you're doing. I know better. It's what I would do if I couldn't fly anymore."

"You got to fly though," John replied with quiet resignation. Another quiet ache in his heart that never went away.

"They don't let you fly the jumpers here?" the Colonel asked indignantly. "They don't need perfect eyesight with all the HUD's that they have. We let scientists with properly corrected vision fly them all the time in my Atlantis."

"You mean the gateships? Colonel Lorne doesn't like me flying them. Says I'm not a _real_ pilot. He prefers that only the trained military pilots go up in them," John said bitterly. "Rod has to weasel a ship out of him and go with me before I get a chance to fly them." Even though he'd been flying them before Lorne had even known they existed. That would never stop rankling.

The Colonel relaxed from his indignant stance and stuck his palm out at John. "See? Your team looks out for you."

John slumped against the wall. "Right. Like he'll ever do that again now that I've embarrassed him in front of god and everybody. You heard us in the lab. I...I didn't mean to go that far and it never even occurred to me that everyone would hear...well, everything."

A brief look of discomfort flashed across the Colonel's face and he crossed his arms. "Uh...well, that was kind of out there." He then licked his lips and asked earnestly, "But are you sure he's all that embarrassed? Rod seems like the kind of guy that could fall in a barrel of shit and still come out smelling like roses."

John opened his mouth to answer that, but the door chimed and Atlantis said _It is Rod_. John closed his mouth and swallowed dryly.

The Colonel raked up an eyebrow and pinned him with a challenging look. "You gonna let him in? Or are you afraid? Let him tell you for himself whether or not he's embarrassed by the incident or pissed off at you for causing it. I'm betting he isn't."

John gritted his teeth. "You are the _bane_ of my existence. Not that ganja-smoking idiot Parrish. _You_."

The Colonel gave a smug little smirk. "You're chicken."

John growled, slung the blanket off of his shoulders and stomped to the door as the chime rang again. He ran his hand over the door opener in an act of defiance instead of telling Atlantis to open the door, just to show the fucker.

The door slid open and Rod stood there, exhaustion making his shoulders slump. He leaned in and gave John a sweet kiss. "Hey, John. You left before I finished talking to Radek about what we're going to do tomorrow."

John stood there, dumb-struck. This was not what he had been expecting.

Rod's brow furrowed in concern and he came forward and put a hand on John's shoulder. "John? What's wrong?"

"He was thinking that you were going to chew his ass out for embarrassing you in the labs and dump him like a hot potato," the Colonel said, coming up behind John, with his hands casually stuck in his pockets. He slouched to a stop, one hip stuck out jauntily.

John turned and glared at his doppelganger. "Shut up, Colonel."

The Colonel smirked back at him and said to Rod smugly as Rod gaped at him, "He's _still_ thinking that, actually." The Colonel then lifted a finger and pointed it toward Rod with an accompanying eyebrow lift. "_And_ he doesn't get that his team is family. As team leader you really need to do something about that."

"GET. OUT," John snarled through clenched teeth. He did not need this smug, irritating bastard interfering with his life for one more moment, damn it.

The Colonel gave him a close-mouthed grin and said, "Sure thing. Give you two a chance to talk." Then he slid around Rod and out the door. John barely resisted asking Atlantis to snap the door shut behind him.

Rod stepped further into the room and brought his other hand up to John's other shoulder. "You really thought I'd be mad?"

"You were blushing for hours," John blurted out, then looked away from Rod to the floor.

Rod sighed, "John...oh, come here already," and pulled him into a hug.

John gripped him back tightly, his cheek pressed against Rod's neck. "I'm sorry." He'd do anything, say anything to make up for the blunder, just as long as Rod stayed.

Rod reached up and cradled the back of John's head. "I'm not mad. John, really, I'm not. So, everyone knows that you dragged me off into your office and screwed my brains out. Big deal." He chuckled. "Actually, once I got over the embarrassment, it was kind of amusing how shocked everyone looked. It's not like stuff like that hasn't happened in the lab before. It just wasn't during what passes for a Christmas party around here this time around. Tomorrow they'll be back to gossiping over who Chuck is screwing this week. I swear he's out to sleep with everyone in the expedition. In alphabetical order. I think he's up to the L's now."

John gave a ragged titter into Rod's shoulder. "If he gets to the M's, I'll kill him."

Rod gave a small huff of laughter that ruffled John's hair. "We're obviously going to have to work on this insane jealousy of yours." He ran a hand comfortingly down John's back. "You don't have to go all crazy-eyed insane over anyone that looks at me. I'm yours. All you ever had to do was ask."

John's heart skipped a beat at what he heard. He lifted his head up to look searchingly into Rod's eyes. Rod smiled back at him affectionately. "I'm...I'm asking," John managed to stutter out.

Rod brought his hand down from the back of John's head to cup the side of his face gently. "I'm thinking you asked when you asked me out on our date before all the craziness with the Colonel happened."

John nodded, wide eyed. "Yeah. I think I did too."

"So I guess I could also count today as a marriage proposal, don't you think?" Rod said lightly, stroking his thumb over John's lips.

Marriage. Rod was a Canadian and _could_ marry a guy if he wanted to. "I...I...are you serious?" John sputtered out. "Wouldn't that...won't people think...isn't it too soon?"

Rod shrugged. "Yeah, our sleeping together is recent, but we've been friends for years. " He ran his thumb over John's lips again. "We don't have to. I'm just saying that that's how much I'm willing to commit to this relationship. I've liked you for a really long time, John."

John swallowed hard and made his decision. "Oh. Okay. Um, yeah, sure. Sure, we could get married. But can we date a while longer before we do that? I need a some time to get used to the idea."

Rod gave a blinding grin and then pulled John in for a kiss that John sank into. He then pulled away with wet, swollen lips and smiled again. "We can do that, sure." He then gave John a heavy lidded look that shot straight to John's groin and said, "How about we start our second date now? My ass is pretty sore from my really possessive and hot fiancé bending me over his desk and fucking the daylights out of me today, but I think I'm up for some reciprocal cock-sucking."

John fastened his lips onto Rod's and gave the only answer he needed to.

***

The next day was very busy as they made the final breakthrough they needed in the problem and the day after that, the engineering team swarmed over the gateroom making preparations to send their erstwhile guest back home.

John was hunched over his computer tablet, going over the equations one final time when the Colonel wandered up to him and quietly said, "So..."

John turned and looked warily at him as he shoved his glasses back up his nose. "Yes, Colonel?"

The Colonel leaned his head over to a nearby alcove and John sighed, but followed him over there. The Colonel looked down and shuffled his feet a moment before looking back up at him. "You cool now that I'm going home?" He gestured vaguely. "I mean you're looking...calmer now than you have been and I was wondering..."

"Yeah," John replied, feeling awkward. "Yeah, I am."

The Colonel made another awkward shuffle and John suddenly wondered why he'd thought the guy was so cool. He looked anything but at the moment and for the first time he could see a little of himself in the pilot other than the damned hair. "Look," the Colonel said hesitantly, "I may have made you uncomfortable and gotten in your business a little but I really do appreciate the work you've done to get me back home. I know you've worked really hard and I've not been any help at all, really."

John gave a tense shrug. "Not your area of expertise."

The Colonel grimaced. "Yeah. But when Rod came to my universe he could help Rodney with the techie stuff and I couldn't do that here. So, thanks for being, well, you. With the math stuff."

"You're welcome," John replied and did some awkward shuffling of his own. "Listen, if you're finished now, I need to..."

The Colonel grasped John's shoulder, halting his tentative steps back toward the rest of the group. "Uh, actually, there's something I'd like to ask you about."

John sighed in resignation and moved back into the alcove. "Okay, Colonel, shoot."

The question the Colonel asked him caught him by surprise. "You and Rod okay now?"

John blinked. "Why do you want to know?"

The Colonel scrunched up his face and made a vague gesture with his hands. "My being here seemed to kind of mess with things between you two and I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay now."

John remembered the handjob Rod had given him this morning in the shower and flushed a little. "Uh, yeah we're fine. Better than, even. He's asked me to marry him."

"Uh, good, that's good." the Colonel floundered. "Glad to hear it. You two would be good together." He then seemed to pull himself together and then gave John a light smack on the shoulder. "Congratulations."

John nodded his acknowledgment of the Colonel's good wishes. "Thanks. I've got a question for you too, actually."

"Sure, go ahead," the Colonel said warily.

"Are you and your Rodney...?" John said, trailing off delicately.

The Colonel's face closed up and he shook his head. "He's dating a botanist named Katie Brown."

"Oh," John replied, wondering what on Earth their Rodney saw in that plant-obsessed dishrag. Maybe she was more interesting over there. "Did you guys ever...?"

The Colonel shook his head again. "In my universe the military is kind of expected to not have any same sex relations."

"Oh," John said again. He then tilted his head and looked closely at his counterpart. "Don't you get lonely?"

The Colonel smiled a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I've got my team."

Radek called at them from one of the consoles, telling them that everything was in place and ready to go. John leaned around the corner and told him they'd be there in a second before turning back to the Colonel. John licked his lips and stuck a hand out to the Colonel. "I guess this is goodbye then, Colonel."

The Colonel took his hand in a firm grip and shook it up and down once. "Yeah, I guess it is. You take care of yourself and Rod, okay?" He licked his lips as well and then quietly said, "It's good to see at that least one of us wasn't a coward when it comes to relationships." With a final slap on John's shoulder, the Colonel bounded down the stairs and waited for the gate to dial.

Ronon and Teyla joined John to watch as the gate dialed and then settled in a rippling pool of blue-white light. Rod walked over to the Colonel and shook his hand and wished him good luck and safe travels. The Colonel then sent his IDC, spoke briefly over his radio and and walked through the gate back to his own dimension.

"Rod said that guy considers his team to be his family," Ronon rumbled softly to John.

"Yeah, he does," John replied. He turned to look at both of them. "He told me that I should too."

Teyla folded her arms and arched her eyebrow. "If that is the case, then I am the eldest and you should all be paying heed to me, then."

Ronon grinned widely. "That means the rest of us get to be the annoying younger brothers."

"What makes you think that you were not already?" Teyla said loftily.

Rod bounced up the stairs and slipped an arm around John. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"You are all apparently a disappointing tribe of younger brothers that I must deal with," Teyla replied, smacking Ronon on the arm as he tried to fiddle with her hair.

As Ronon started a shoving fight with Teyla, John laughed and leaned over to kissed Rod's temple. Rod squeezed him back and cheered Teyla on as John rooted for Ronon. They were all laughing as Dr. Weir descended on them to kick them out of the gate room.


End file.
